


stripped worlds and broken futures

by hanorganaas



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: A whole bunch of weirdly fun stuff, Action/Adventure, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Darcy's a SHIELD Agent, Drama, Elizabeth and Kolya never died, Elizabeth likes a challenge, Ex Husbands and Wives, F/M, Fitz's dad is probably who you expect, Fuck Canon, Grant Ward going through a bunch of Moral Issues, M/M, Multi, NaNoWriMo, Phil and Melinda are Skyes rents, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Rodney Hates Children, Sheppard is always in trouble, Some Humor, Sorry Not Sorry, what the hell am i doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-23 13:57:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 83,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2550065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanorganaas/pseuds/hanorganaas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain America's plan to bring down Hydra ended in Failure. Now Hydra holds the world under it's grasp. But Nick Fury has one last trick up his sleeve. Years ago SHIELD and the Stargate Program made an alliance. Fury decides to send Coulson's team with the help of Avengers Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff to Atlantis under the Command of Elizabeth Weir in hopes they could find a safe haven in case SHIELD fails to defeat Hydra. For some the adjustment is not easy as they are forced to come face to face with ghosts of their pasts, for others its a breeze. But to all its the only hope they have left. </p><p>However when John Garrett and his HYDRA fraction comes to the Pegasus Galaxy and aligns with Ladon Radim and his Genii...Atlantis aligns with an old enemy and all must work together to prevent this force from making the only hope they have left a Dangerous Place.</p><p>AU of Season 1 of Agents of SHIELD and AU of Season 3 of Stargate Atlantis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. INTRO: Welcome to the New Age

**Author's Note:**

> The following is my attempt for the NaNoWriMo challenge and considering my Outline is all over the place. Feel free to leave encouragement throughout the story.
> 
> Anyway. Sit Back, Relax and Enjoy.

_My fellow Agents._

_The following is being broadcasted through a secure hardline to Agents still loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D._

_At the end of World World II our founders created SHIELD in hopes to protect the world from global threats and things the world was not ready to believe. To make sure technology the world couldn’t control would not fall in the wrong hands. Little did we know as we built what was once a tiny organization into a global and successful agency._

_It was us who brought heroes like the Avengers together. It was us that made sure your children slept soundly in their beds. Little did we know while achieved these successes and failures, a danger was brewing beyond the Horizon._

_Hydra, the terrorist organization Captain America fought in World War II had been moving amongst our ranks. They pretended to be our friends. They knew our secrets and they used it against us. Last Week….three helicarriers loaded with weapons set off into the air in hopes of killing anyone who was a threat against them. To show their power. While Captain America managed to take down two of the helicarriers with the help of Sam Wilson, one managed to stay live. 600 lives in the blink of a moment taken...including the President of the United States._

_On that day Alexander Pierce declared the world was Hydra's for the taking. So far about 30 countries have fallen to Hydra's grasp and I am sure more will have fallen by the end of the day._

_As for S.H.I.E.L.D. we and the Avengers have taken shelter underground...away from the chaos. Without the protection of SHIELD...the world is now vulnerable. Alexander Pierce threatens that every week he will kill 600 people with the helicarriers if the world doesn't fall in line._

_While we don't have a plan to take down Hydra's new powerful regime, we in the event something like this were to happen had come up with a plan to at least save humanity._

_Two years ago after the battle of New York, we have been finding ways to find a faster route into space and to Asgard to communicate with Thor and his people. In our research, we came across the Stargate Program, which remains untainted by the turn of events. It was a hard struggle to form an alliance but we eventually gained their trust. In an event like this we came up with a plan. They have communicated to us that 3 years ago they sent a group the Pegasus Galaxy to a lost city ship called Atlantis._

_While there are dangerous creatures living amongst the Galaxy, it may just be a safe place to bring drones of humanity while we fight Hydra._

_I will be sending a team to the Pegasus to explore the planets and it's threats. What this team is doing is very brave and very dangerous as we don't know what is out tere and what we are dealing with. But we hope they will find what we are looking for._

_Until then all we could do pray._

_I will keep you updated on more information as the time comes._

_But to the rest of us_

_Stay safe stay strong and we will find a way to prevail._

_Director Fury out._


	2. the unexpected journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and his new team prepare to step through the gate and aboard Atlantis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to change the pairing lineup....BLARGH. Thats the power of Philinda right? Anyway enjoy this chapter. It's funny now but it goes downhill from here.

“This thing is huge,” Skye (a last name which was still pending considering her news) said looking at the big round circle in the front of the room, “I mean….Skyscraper huge.”

“This totally something out of Doctor Who,” Jemma Simmons chimed in tilting her head, “I wonder he exists. Or will we meet him.”

“I am just excited to see the weird animal life up there in space.” Leo Fitz added dragging along his bag filled with equipment he was able to carry. When they evacuated the bus they were told to pack light and bring only things that were important. He found it difficult to part with his lab, but they were told they would be having a brand new one with “ancient technology”. Even so it was another sign of something that when they lost S.H.I.E.L.D. they lost something huge. “I wonder if we’ll find any cool space monkeys up there.”

Antoine Triplett, an impromptu member who had recently joined the team, made a small smile. It was of less exuberant than the one he had flashed when they first met. Jemma noticed the worry in his eyes ever since they found out that many agents were crossed off during the fall. There was obviously something he was worried about and it was not the fact that his SO turned out to be a HYDRA Agent. 

“Well it’s good to see a team who has a bit of optimism left,” He said.

“It’s more than I could say for some people,” Skye said turning her head towards Grant Ward, “are you going to say something tinman?”

Grant sat quietly on his luggage. His eyes staring at the large round gate blankly. Just lost in thought. The past week he had been withdrawn, hiding away, not talking to a single soul. Skye thought he was having some existential crisis now that it turned out that his old SO turned out to be a HYDRA douchebag, which was...well understandable. He turned his head to the group before quietly turning his head back ahead of him.

“Way to answer,” She said quietly.

Phil Coulson and Melinda May stood behind the group quietly watching the scene . Despite the slight tension that kept brewing between one another due to the fallout of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s fall they still held it together as best as they could. Not just for the team as they traveled god knows how many lightyears away, his eyes fixed on Skye.

It wasn’t long ago it was discovered by mere accident she was his and Melinda’s daughter. Right before the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. she managed to decrypt the file that S.H.I.E.L.D. had sealed so tightly not even he and Melinda could find the evidence of such. The news was shocking as well as it was strange, knowing Skye had been with them and the connection went deeper than a simple asset to their team. But somehow he knew.

When he was told by friends life changed when one became a father. Even though he’s becoming a father 24 years after the fact the meaning was rang true. Hell, even Melinda became softer, motherhood was good on her. With that said going to this galaxy far from their own, the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. left him concerned about her well being. What dangers in this Pegasus Galaxy could snatch her up. 

It also gave a reason for him and Melinda to fix things. Maybe be the parents she always wanted. Or Maybe….be the way they used to be. 

“Any idea about the people we are dealing with?” Melinda asked.

“Despite the fact I never met the woman I know a great deal about Elizabeth Weir,” Phil never turned his head. His eyes were still fixated on his team who all seemed scattered in disarray. He even felt sorry for Triplett who barely been with them for a minute. The thought that they were never going to be the same again wrenched his gut. “Barton talks about her all the time. She’s his Cousin. He said her family took him in when he lost his family in the wreck. She seems like a lovely woman.” He paused for a moment before turning his head to Melinda, “John’s on the expedition you know.” 

Melinda furrowed her brow, turning her head away. The annoyance was obvious in her eyes. Not that he could blame her, considering the whole load of emotional hurt the man brought upon her.

“Is this going to be a problem?” Phil said, “If it is we could arr-”

“I am not going let you and our daughter go to Atlantis without me,” She said raising her head. “I will grit my teeth and bear it. He’s nothing to me now.”

A small smile formed on Phil’s features. It was sometimes very easy to forget that after Bahrain, while she lost herself bit by bit, she was strong with handling the little things. Even with the world going to hell. It was something that-

“Well if it isn’t my asshole SO who died and came back to life,” He heard a voice say. Phil didn’t even have time to react. Clint Barton pulled him in for a big bear hug. According to Melinda, Natasha Romanov, Clint’s girlfriend and Melinda’s mentee of sorts, had told him Clint was profoundly affected by his “death”. Blaming himself for months. It must have been a huge relief finding out he was still alive. He stepped back grabbing onto his forearms. “It’s great to see you again...I almost futzing cried when Fury told me you were alive.”

“He was inconsolable,” Natasha grinned softly. From the minds eye it seemed she had gone through hell. Understandable. She was with Cap when the lone helicarrier fired its weapons. The guilt, another read mark in her ledger was written on her face. 

“Stop exagerating Sontse,” Clint said patting Phil on the shoulder before turning his head to Melinda. “Always a pleasure to see you.”

“We spoke yesterday,” Natasha then chimed in. Melinda bowed her head. But still there was a look of annoyance on her face. Phil softly patted her on the back causing her to smile just a little. But not too much.

“LANCE!” Trip’s voice cried out. 

The group watched as the young agent literally bounded across the room and run into the arms of an unfamiliar bearded man named Lance from Trip’s excited exclamation. There was obvious affection in his eyes as he took the stranger’s face in his hands and took a long look.

“I thought you were dead,” Trip said. Skye, Fitz and Jemma looked over with wonder and amazement of their faces at the wonderfully heartwarming after everything scene. That charming smile that was lost amongst the chaos of losing S.H.I.E.L.D., was back as well as a sense of absolute relief.

“Idaho, Hartley and I were caught in the crossfire,” Lance said with a thick British accent as he wrapped his arms around Trip’s waist. “Both were injured Isabelle worse than Idaho but I managed to slip through the cracks. When it was mentioned you were part of the team going into space and were looking for a few more volunteers. I had to jump on the opertunity. Anyway, You know me.” He turned his head towards a blonde woman standing next to a tall man with muscular build, “those fuckers failed to take me down, as my ex wife says I am a big ugly coackroach you can’t kill me.”

“It’s better than Demonic hellbeast!” The female chuckled folding her arms, “at least I have one ex here with a soul.” She turned to Clint and waved. The archer smiled and waved back. 

“Which if you call her again I’ll kick your ass,” The muscular man added in.

“Hey I am trying to have a moment with my sweetheart over here,” Lance said with a grin.

“Shut up you smartass,” Trip said before catching his lips with his own. It almost as it seemed that the two hadn’t seen each other in years. Fitzsimmons were the corner clapping. Skye made a small whistling noise, trying to gauge a reaction in the emotionless Grant. It was going to take more than a oddly hopeful scene and a few clowns to make him smile. 

“Would you look at that,” Natasha hummed, “Looks like things are somewhat turning around already. The man Agent Triplett is smooching is Lance Hunter.”

“You know Bobbi Morse from our brief marriage,” Clint elaborated. Phil nodded. He also knew that Clint and Bobbi’s divorce was one of the most peaceful ones he had ever seen. It was not easy to say a former couple would leave on good terms and remain friends. His eyes fixed on Melinda who smiled lightly at the scene but still had a hint of worry in her eyes. Unconsciously Phil ran his hand up and down her arm as a sign of comfort. He could feel the tension leaving slightly. But not enough. “And Mr. Tall, Dark, Ripped and Handsome standing next to Bobbi is Alphonso Mackenzie, a brilliant might I say mechanic, we call him Mack.” 

“It seems we got a big team here,” Phil said, “Anyone else coming maybe another Av-”

“Am I late?” A voice said, “I better not be fucking late, Thor said he’s not making another trip back to Earth.” 

“Oh god,” Phil mouthed as his hand slowly moved his hand off Melinda as the familiar face of Darcy Lewis enter the room. He had heard she had joined S.H.I.E.L.D. after Phil’s first encounter with Thor. He didn’t realize how deep she was in.

“Well if it isn’t the son of Coul,” Darcy said quickly making her way to the crowd. She had a coffee in one hand a Vera Bradley wheelie bag in the other, she looked as Bohemian as she did when he last left her in New Mexico. Apparently her encounter left a lasting impact, “It’s kinda awesome you are still alive...I always thought you were ya know….hot for an old man.”

“I’m….flattered?” Phil said, he couldn’t help but smirk when he saw at the corner Melinda raise an eyebrow. She had look when he talked to Camillia during that incident in Brazil. He wasn’t going to lie he found her subtle yet evident jealously….kind of adorable. 

“I wouldn’t go for it though,” Darcy said waving her coffee in the air. “It seems the cavalry has her eyes set on you…..I wouldn’t want to touch her property.”

“Agent Coulson,” General Jack O’Neill, pretty much the mastermind behind the alliance between S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Stargate Command said, “I believe the whole group is together. And we just finished our preparations. We can dial the gate whenever you are ready.”

“Thanks General,” Phil said throwing his backpack over his shoulder, which was filled with some of his trinkets and memorabilia, things that could remind him of home in a world so far away and gripped the the handle of his bag and began to walk to the gate. Everyone was doing the same, even though from his angle, he could see Trip was having a hard time letting go of Lance. “And thank you for your services to S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“In the past I wouldn’t risk sending a group of what seems to be government organization to Atlantis,” Jack said, “But one of my friend’s died in HYDRA’s attack. I take it personally, now if you excuse me I will be standing by the controls.” 

“We could use what you call it a Goonies speech,” Natasha said casually throwing her bag over shoulder.

“Me say a speech?” Phil said quietly, “I may be the leader of this group and the S.H.I.E.L.D. liaison but I am not Captain America. I don’t think I am that inspirational”

Melinda walked over to his side and squeezed his shoulder. Eyes forming a mix of concern and encouragement. It was those same eyes she gave him when he was at one of his low moments. It was those eyes she gave him every time she told him words of encouragement to move on and to move forward. When she told him she cared a lot about during the HYDRA fall, those eyes became more noticeable.

The fact they did their purpose frightened him, especially now, when he couldn’t let matters of the heart get in the way of his mission, after everything they’ve been through. After the birth of Skye ripped them apart, after Bahrain, after his death, would they be the same? Or was this wistful thinking in a dark time. 

“I think they need it,” Melinda said quietly, “they may not look it but some of them are probably scared. And some…” She paused and turned her head to Grant who continued to look withdrawn and dismayed as he swung his own bag over his shoulder, “need some encouragement. Fury chose you to lead us for a reason. You are a natural born leader, don’t doubt yourself.”

The fact she was the one holding him up when he wanted to fall made it more the reason, this reigniting feelings for her became so frightening. 

“Did I ever tell you how much of a horrible influence you are on me,” Phil said giving her a pat on the back. 

“All the time,” Melinda answered trying to conceal her small smile, “ever since we were in the academy.”

Phil gave her a small chuckle, and walked to the front of the room, standing in the large ring. He quietly cleared his throat and looked at small gathering crowd that stood in the front of the gate. There was a mix of everything. Hope, fear, uncertainty, excitement….feelings ununified. Almost symbolic of the times they lived in.

“Well I don’t know what to say,” Phil said gripping the strap of his bag. His eyes moved to Melinda as she moved to the front of the crowd, in a stealth motion before settling next to Skye. Fitzsimmons stood to the right eyes with attention. Grant stood with his jaw tense eyes different and dark. Trip and Lance stood next to Bobbi and Mack, Trip’s arm wrapped protectively around the other man’s waist. Clint and Natasha stood attentive. Darcy just tapped her foot and sipped her coffee. “I mean the Hydra thing caught us off guard. Understandable, how could you see something like that coming. This fight took a little piece of us away.”

Phil paused for a moment and turned his head to Grant.

“Some of us found out they people we may have idolized and admired where not who they thought we were,”Phil said. Grant lowered his head as Phil gave both him and Trip, who gripped the handle of his luggage tightly, a comforting grin. Both shared an SO who turned out to be a HYDRA goon and asshole. Lance moved to give him a comforting kiss him on the cheek. “It left us questioning our morality who we are, what we believe in, who to trust.”

Skye moved over to give Grant some form of a comforting touch hoping it will help him. The usually strong specialist recoiled as if he was moving away from the fire. There was a look of disappointment on her face as she sighed. Melinda immediately began to run her hand gently through her hair. Phil couldn’t help but grin at the sight as he raised his head.

“Some of us lost friends in the fight.” Phil continued. He noticed Mack lowered his head as if he was giving the fallen a brief moment of silence before raising his head attentive. Bobbi looked down and sniffed. Must have lost a fellow S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who was a friend, “Most of whom who died trying to protect humanity. Their sacrifice you may think as HYDRA runs the street triumphant, may have been in vain.”

Phil then turned his head to Natasha and Clint. Agents he had been with since their beginning. He had watched them grow from confused recruits to Avengers, heroes, legends even with this HYDRA threat, that will never die. He couldn’t be more proud of them. 

“Some of us think we failed their duty,” He added. Natasha curled her fist, her eyebrows furrowing into a tight line. Clint, the ever so comforting white knight, as she often told Melinda wrapped his arm around her soldiers. He pulled her against him and kissed her forehead. Then, it was hard for her to fight the smile that was curling on her lips, “I did. I think we failed not only S.H.I.E.L.D. that for some been with us for decades, but the world.”

He finally turned to face the crowd. All eyes except for Grant’s who still looked to his feet, something which Phil thought was just him trying to still process the flood of information that washed over him one at a time, were on him.

“But we all share one common goal,” Phil said fimly, standing as tall and proud as he possibly muster. Melinda looked at him bowing her head adding as a form of encouragement, “we want to fix the mistakes. We want to give humanity one last hope incase the world becomes unlivable, we can find a safe haven….save lives. And what we are doing to do so is probably the most dangerous and bravest thing we have ever done. We are traveling to the unknown. Who knows what we will find Danger, chaos-”

“Hot Asgardians?” Darcy called out raising her coffee in the air. Skye couldn’t help but smirk at the comment, pretty much telling her she likes the way the other woman thinks, along with a howl of laughter from some members in the crowd. Phil blinked before smiling.

“Maybe….I don’t know,” He said as the laughter died down a bit, “but whatever we find….out there...whether have you been part of my team for months like Agents May, Ward, Fitz, Simmons and Skye or just joining us like Agents Barton, Romanoff, Triplett, Mackenzie, Lewis and Morse. It doesn’t matter….we are here to find a safe place for our people if the remaining members of S.H.I.E.L.D. fail to protect those on Earth. And we all bravely do so together…..even if it costs us our lives….for we are not agents of nothing…..we are Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. “ 

“LETS SHOW HYDRA WHO'S BOSS BY KICKING ALIEN ASS.” Lance cried out raising his fist. Trip rolled his eyes trying to hold his laughter “AND THEN COME BACK DOWN TO EARTH WITH ALIEN’S WEAPONS THEN KICK THEIR ASSES BACK TO WHERE THEY CAME FROM!”

The whole group gathered minus Melinda, who was calmer and simply gave a nod of approval to Phil and Grant who raised his head up slowly, cheered. Fists raised in the air. Some whistles echoed throughout the room.

“I didn’t think that was the point, but if it gets everyone cheering,” Phil said. He then raised his head to General O’Neill who stood at the controls. “Sir I think everyone is ready to go.”

“Thats good to hear,” He said, “But I would step off the platform…I don’t want you getting sucked in the Kawoosh.”

“The what?” Phil said.

“Just listen to him Dad,” Skye said lifting her computer bag over her shoulder. He was almost caught off guard for a second with Skye calling him “Dad” as it was a still a new thing to him but he stepped off the platform next to Skye and Melinda. 

“Dial it up!” General O’Neill yelled out.

The big moving circle began to spin as it light up. Stopping at various symbols throughout the ring. The noise was loud as it locked, until finally it stopped. Suddenly a wave of blue like an ocean flowed out the gate before settling back in the the ring. Now instead of being empty and hollow, the center was brilliant and blue. 

“Woah,” Skye whispered almost speechless.

“That is by far the most bloody brilliant brilliant thing I have ever seen,” Fitz said. He looked like a kid in a candy shop as he stared in wonder and fascination. “Definitely something out of Doctor Who.”

Phil gripped his hand on his bag and looked at the glowing blue light. It was almost like the luminance that surrounded the being that had brought him back from the dead. But this...this was more beautiful. This was the door to the other world. A world among the stars.

“So,” He said quietly, “Who wants to go first?” 

Jemma grabbed Fitz’s arm and pulled him to the front of the line. Their large amount of luggage trailing behind behind them. 

“With all due respect Sir,” She said, “We would like to go first.”

“By all means go ahead,” Phil said.

Fitz smiled and pointed his arms towards the gate, bowing like a gentleman.

“Ladies first,” He said to her.

Jemma looked at Fitz and smiled before jumping through the gate with the luguage in her hand, cheering “WOOHOO.” Skye smirked at the sight. With Grant Ward being subdued to the point of a stranger, she was glad Fitzsimmons despite what they seen still remained...who they were….Fitzsimmons. Fitz literally charged in right afterwards. The rest of the group prepared to follow when Fitz jumped out. Breathless as he looked at the crowd. All were concerned for a moment then the young Scientist lifted his hands in the air. 

“This is bloody awesome no rockets, no spacesuits we can travel to space in milliseconds,” he said with a laugh before jumping back first through the gate a sight that even cracked a smile on Melinda’s lips.

“I think you should go in there next before the inhabitants of Atlantis think we’re five year olds,” Melinda said.

“I think I should,” Phil said. He turned his head to Melinda with a grin, “And I think you should come go through the gate with me.” He grinned and let out an arm to her. “It’s only fitting you are my second in command after all.” 

She looked down at his arm and looked back into his eyes. Phil could see in her eyes. To her this wasn’t just a fun gesture from one friend to another. It was Phil talking to her through non verbal communication. It was him telling her, after everything. Their relationship hadn’t changed. They were still partners, thick and thin. And between them there was something more….

And she was right. 

She gently grabbed his arm with one hand and held the luggage strapped over her shoulder with the other. Phil grinned as he walked her to the gate, even bluer and brighter than from far away. He turned his head to the control pannel.

“Thank you General,” Phil said with a small smile, “and good luck down here...be careful.”

“I will Agent Coulson,” General O’Neill said before saluting, “And godspeed.”

Phil looked at the gate one more time before facing Melinda. 

“Ready,” He said. She nodded her head in response. “1,2…..3”

Without a simple ounce of hesitation, he stepped through with Melinda on his arm through the gate and into the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **DONT FORGET TO COMMENT AND LEAVE ME KUDOS! I need all the encouragement I could get and they are love!**


	3. The Arrivals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Sheppard is nervous as he is forced to face a ghost in his past as Coulson and his team arrive to Atlantis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously since this is NaNo, this chapter is unbeta and probably doesn't make sense (and I wanted to move to the next chapter) but I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT ANYWAY!

Today was the day.

Today was the day that everything Colonel John Sheppard had built would be destroyed. And he knew it would. The moment in that meeting when he saw Melinda Qiaolian May’s face (and to think he should have saw it coming just from seeing Phil Coulson and the bastard’s smug grin) flash across the screen, a sense of dread washed over his body.

John had come to Atlantis with no family. An epic fuck up. He thought his life was going to be a series of epic fuck ups, people screwing him over. Here, though there was some failures, he had teammates and a family who truly cared for him. Ronon Dex, Rodney McKay (though as much of a fucking bastard he could be sometimes) and Teyla Emmagan, were there to pick him up when he fell. Teyla often sent him words of encouragement. Ronon would let him win sparring matches. Rodney would let him cry big ugly tears as he would pull him into a bear hug.

And then there was Elizabeth. As he sat up in bed and stretched he looked at her sleeping form. Her face peaceful. Her shoulder length reddish brown hair splayed out across pillow. He sighed deeply as he began to stroke her cheek. In his miserable existence, Doctor Elizabeth Weir was the fucking best gift the universe could bring him. She was the first person since his mother died of breast cancer who actually thought he was worth something. He fell like a comet hard and fast. Of course as luck would have it. She would love him back. 

When she held his hand he felt butterflies in his stomach, when she kissed him he felt like he was on a ferris wheel and when they made love...it was like fireworks erupted. In darkness when all the comfort of his team didn’t help. Elizabeth would be the one to drag him into the light. 

Atlantis was his home, and his life. Even more so now that the world has gotten to shit with this Hydra thing. He wanted nothing of his past (other than his little brother which was a different story of it’s own) to taint. But now that this she devil was coming….everything he built was about to be destroyed. 

She was going to let out the worst in him the moment she opened her mouth. He just knew it.

"You should be out going for your jog with Ronon," Elizabeth said sitting up slowly.

"I decided to sleep in,” John said leaning in to kiss her. 

“Didn’t sleep again,” Elizabeth said raising an eyebrow, “Let me guess nightmares?”

John paused when her lips were merely a breath away. Melinda’s arrival couldn’t come at a more convenient time. His most recent brush with death happened a couple of month agos. One that took away his sense of safety and clarity. The aftermath…..left him shaken. Nightmares, panic attacks, the works. Almost every night he woke up screaming, there was even a time where John thought Elizabeth’s magic touch wouldn’t have been able to help him. But in time with the help of his friends, Elizabeth and therapy, John was able to get back on his feet. Occasionally if he had a trigger out on the field, he would have a nightmare...sometimes one to three nights in a row. 

He thought could use his nightmares as a cover to hide the fact he wasn’t sleeping over the revelation Melinda was coming was coming to Atlantis with the one who had a hard on with Captain America and some daughter he was never once told about. But it was hard to keep secrets. Elizabeth had this sixth sense when he was in a state on edge, eventually, she would figure out what was irking him and plaguing his thoughts. Especially since this was apparently the fifth night in a row he had a nightmare.

“Yeah,” The sound of his voice was obvious of the fact that was merely a lie. 

Elizabeth pulled back, sighing deeply.She slowly stretched and pulled her way out of bed. John sighed deeply as he watched her nude form walked to the closet door and went to pick up the black robe. 

“You know this lying thing is getting old,” She said wrapping the rope around her body and tying it off, “I have to pry everything out of you. If you want this relationship to work we have to be honest to me. If this continues I don’t know if I can have a relationship with you.”

“And sometimes I feel like you are going to run if I tell you the truth,” John responded quietly. He slowly pulled his knees to his chest. His arms wrapped around his calves. It was a position he did to self sooth himself if he was in a moment he felt vulnerable. And what he felt like now was vulnerable…..fearful of being exposed.

Elizabeth sighed. She walked over to John’s side of the bed. She took his face in her hands. Her thumbs moved up and down the side of his cheeks, feeling the short stubble beneath her fingers. John sighed deeply letting the tension leave his shoulders. Focus on her, nothing else.

“I won’t run from whatever you tell me,” She said with a soft tenderness in her voice, “and I never will….when have I John?” She nevered ran, not when he killed fifty five Genii, not when he was a panic stricken wreck after...he glossed over that knowing it would make him upset again, she never ran when he failed Ford, or told her stories that would make her cringe. She was always here, and she would always would be here as long as he kept her safe from harm. “What you are feeling is understandable….I think I would feel the same way if I was in your position. But we’ll get through this John...together.” 

John closed his eyes for a moment. Her touch, her embrace, was nothing new to him. It was something he now felt everyday. But each time no matter the moment every time she touched him it was like how it felt the first time. Excitement wonder and a whole host of other things. He opened his eyes lips curling into a smile.

“I am such a lucky man,” He said quietly, “I have someone to help me keep me sane when I am on the border of losing my mind.”

“How romantic,” She teased, “At least it isn’t something cheesy like you are my light in the darkness.”

She leaned forward and give him a small kiss on the lips. It was light nothing passionate like some of the kisses they often shared between one another. But every kiss to John it was perfect. There was still that flutter in his stomach he so often loved when she was near him. But it wasn’t short. It lingered slowly and resignated. She pulled back and gave him a wicked grin. She stepped off the bed and made her way to the bathroom.

“Hey don’t leave me hanging,” John said with a pout as she walked further away from his view. “You know you drive me crazy when you tease me like that.”

“I am not,” Elizabeth said with a wink. The robe slipped off her shoulders and onto the floor in one quick moment. He slowly got off the bed, “We have three hours before Agent Coulson and his team get here. Two hours before debriefing on our visitors. I thought we would kill some time.”

John merely chuckled and made his way towards her,

“I like the way you think.”

* * *

“I am quite excited to meet our guests,” Teyla said as she sat on the stairs of the gate room. Her hand was linked with Ronon’s gently as she looked at the empty gate. She waited for any sudden movement, any sudden alarm. John who stood against the wall couldn’t help but grin. The Athosians always love meeting and learning about new tribes around the Pegasus galaxy so it was no surprise that she was quite excited to meet the new visitors from earth, “Ronon I bet you are excited to spar with Agents Triplett and Ward.”

Ronon chuckled lowly.

“Triplett may be a difficult opponent since he had a long line of warriors in his blood,” He mused, “Ward….I think I could take down easily.” 

Teyla smiled. 

“I for one cannot wait to do sparring with Agents Morse, Romanoff and May,” She said squeezing his hand now. 

John’s smile slightly faded for the moment the moment he heard the last name of the three. His first fleeting thought was that Melinda was going to turn Teyla against him the moment she got the chance. But then he remembered, unless the human being was inherently evil, she was always a fair and good natured human being. She wouldn’t take sides. 

“I can see you being fast friends with Agent May,” Elizabeth added. Her arm moved over to John and slowly moved her hand gently down his bicep. Comforting him so he wouldn’t go off the deep end. He was already tethering. 

“So,” Rodney said walking over to John and placing his hand on his shoulder. The whole debriefing he sat there making smug comments about everyone who appeared on that screen. From Melinda being a vampire for looking younger than she looked, to thinking that Alphonso Mackenzie would be pleasant muscular eye candy in his lab. As amusing as it was...John wasn’t in the mood for it. Especially now, “you and Melinda, are you like exes or something cause like…..you have that same look you have when we talk about you know…..our version of Lord Voldemort.”

John looked over at Rodney and glared. He often tried to wear his “mask” around his friends. The mask that hid the deep rooted emotions and the dark side of him that he didn’t want to let show. But sometimes like now...the anger and the fear was written on his face. Sometimes they would comfort him. Other times they knew to leave him alone. He wished he was left alone so he could go back to bed and not face the ghost coming through that gate. 

John opened his mouth to again tell him to fuck off for the second time that day. But instead Elizabeth squeezed his arm and spoke for him.

“Rodney there are some topics that shouldn’t be touched,” Elizabeth said narrowing her eyes. She often scolded him. Rodney was the type of person who loved to push people’s buttons, whether it be for attention, to just be funny or to make himself better. And sometimes his pushing of buttons had often lead him into trouble and Elizabeth reminding him he was in a city full of people with different sets of tolerances when it came to behavior. This was one of those moments. 

“I wasn’t trying to egg him on or anything,” Rodney said letting his hand off John and raising it with his other in defense. “I was going to say….Melinda’s kind of hot, I wanted to know if you would be cool if I you know….asked her out.”

“Like Agent May would mate with a man who blew up a 3/5ths of a solar system and clams he’s allergic to lemons,” Ronon said bluntly. Teyla covered her mouth and started to giggle.

“Hey...I dated Doctor Keller,” Rodney retorted folding his arms across his chest like so often done when he was trying to prove his dominance over the group.

Elizabeth elbowed John in the arm lightly. He turned to face her. She curled her lips into a small comforting smile.

“At least make one of your snarky comments back to him,” She whispered to him, “I know I shouldn’t be encouraging you, but you not acting yourself concerns me.”

John looked over to Rodney. A small curling onto his lips. It wasn’t his large confident laid back grin he often gave when he was trying to snark and make a joke but, Carson always commented that when one would smile it would trick the brain into thinking they were happy. It was….sort of working.

“You only dated her for two minutes,” John commented.

His smile widened without any effort. His tense muscles in his body that bunched up and cramped with all the stress loosened just a little. His heart still raced and his breathing was still ragged. But she was right, acting like himself did make him feel better...just a little. 

Rodney opened his mouth but the familiar sound of the gate activating to life. John literally tensed up. It didn’t help that Elizabeth had taken her hand off his arm and made her way towards the gate. As the leader for the expedition she needed to be the first one to greet the group. John took a deep breath and followed. After all, John was her second in command. 

Something he wished on today of all days wasn’t the fucking case. 

“Right on schedule,” Chuck said.

“Lower the shield,” Elizabeth said as she took her spot. It took like hours as John shuffled his feet as he finally made his spot at his side. He almost expected Melinda and Coulson to be the first two people to walk through that gate. They were almost parallel to him and Elizabeth in the case. Two leaders working together in tandem. It was why when the sound of someone walking through the gate he tensed up.

But there was a moment of relief when it wasn’t Melinda who walked through that gate, but instead a young female. Jemma Simmons he remembered her name, the British version of a all around American citizen. Her eyes looked around in wonder at the city. John couldn’t help but smile at that. It gave him pleasant memories of the first arrivals into the city.

“Is this the part where I start saying the Jewish prayer of thanks? This is bloody amazing” She whispered, she then turned behind her, “Fitz?” She turned back behind her to the gate. Her eyes widened when she saw Fitz wasn’t at her side. “Fitz you better not have have gotten sucked in and lost on the way. I am NOT having an adventure in space without you.”

Moments later a blonde headed boy with curling hair came charging through the gate. With a quick glance he realized it was Leo Fitz. Realizing he was about to hit the group….he stopped dead in his tracks. He almost tumbled over his luggage. Jemma reached for his arm stopping him dead in his tracks making sure he didn't stumble over. 

“Did we just bloody just travel through space just by walking through a gate?” Fitz had said looking at Jemma with wide impressed eyes. 

“Yes we did Fitz,” Jemma said nodding her head, as she steadied to her companion to her feet. 

Fitz stood up and moved his hands over his clothing smoothing it down. He looked at Jemma and grinned.

“I have to do that again,” Fitz said before running back towards the gate.

“Wait stay you cannot-” Rodney began but it was too late. Fitz went to jump through again, cheering with his arms raised in the air. John covered his mouth trying to control his giggles as Rodney placed his face against his palm. “You cannot keep the gate open longer than thirty eight minutes so time is precious.” 

“Oh don’t mind Fitz,” Jemma said with a smile as she walked over to the group, “Fitz is a scientist like me, when something big and bright and wondrous that you have read in textbooks is right before your eyes, you have no choice to explore because it is beautiful.” Fitz had come back through the gate with the his hands in the air cheering. 

“This is thrilling,” He said with a grin as he walked over to the group, he was breathless and amazed at all the control at the technology around him. It was an overload on his sometimes very fragile senses but at the same time it was glorious. Never in his wildest dreams he would find himself in a city in space, “but I am going to let a chance for the others to come in….care to introduce us Jemma I’m-” He paused to wave his hand in the air, “I am trying to take this all in.”

Jemma smiled and turned to the group. If there was one skill she excelled at was meeting people and making fast friends. It was why she was able to make friends with Antoine Triplett and Skye in matters of moments. She had a smile and a welcoming presence that made her trustworthy and immediately likeable. And it was a trait Jemma wouldn’t trade it for all the world.

Besides in a world that went to hell, who wouldn’t want some light in it.

“My counterpart standing next to me is Leo Fitz,” She said letting out a hand, “and yes if you heard of him it is that Leo Fitz, Tony Stark’s lost son. Sorry for my rambling, back to topic I’m Jemma….Jemma Simmons. Oh and Fitz and I tend to be around each other a lot….so we tend to be called Fitzsimmons by friends. Anyway it’s a pleasure to meet you all.”

“Jemma,” Elizabeth said firmly taking taking Jemma’s hand in her own, “A nice strong Hebrew name.”

“Oh right your file said you were a dual citizen of Israel and America,” She said to Elizabeth smiling brightly, “I didn’t live there myself my father lived there. But its always nice to meet a fellow member of your faith. I look forward to getting to know you and your teammates Doctor Weir.” 

“And I look forward to getting to know you too Agent Simmons,” Elizabeth responded letting go of her hand. 

The next person she walked to in line was Rodney. She let out her hand for him to shake. But instead he took it gently in his large one. He bowed down like a gentleman and kissed it. Immediately she felt her cheeks getting warm as they turned bright red.

“And what a beautiful name for a very beautiful young woman,” He said, “Doctor Rodney McKay. I run the science department.”

Jemma’s face turned even redder.

“Wow...um...it’s a pleasure Doctor McKay,”She said, she was trying to stop herself from giggling in between words.

“Rodney stop flirting with every girl who walks in here,” John said smiling at the sight of the two young Agents, “I’m Colonel John Sheppard by the way. I am actually the cool one around here."

“Hey I was just saying hello,” Rodney said as he turned his head to John and growled“and stop making yourself feel like Mr. cool to get a girl’s attention especially since your girlfriend is standing next to you,” he let go of Jemma’s hand before looking in her eyes, “anyway, please my dear….call me Rodney.”

Fitz stood still as he blinked. Of course he knew Jemma was the type to make friends easily. He never thought that someone, at least of the opposite Gender would be so direct so quickly. Before he had time to think Teyla had walked over and took his face in her hands. And in some weird greeting yet affectionate gesture she touched her forehead to his.

“My people welcome yours to our fair city,” Teyla said, “and offers our most sincere friendship. I am Teyla Emmagan of the Athosian people, Daughter of Teagan.”

Fitz looked over to the attractive women who stepped back and gave him a small smile. Of course he was a bit flustered it was not every freaking day a woman who was way out of his league would do such an affectionate greeting to a man who was just a stranger. 

“Why hello to you too,” Fitz said narrowing his eyes, “I would totally accept your friendship.”

“Oh for the love of god Fitz,” Jemma scolded, “I am assuming that’s how her people say hello.”

“Well it seemed like a flirtatious gesture!” Fitz responded folding his arms. Teyla covered her mouth trying to control her laughter. Most people who came from earth through the gate usually and immediately realized that Teyla’s gesture was indeed an Athosian greeting. But Fitz whose accent sounded a lot like Doctor Beckett’s was young and had his eyes often wander to attractive women….she was not going to be appalled in the slightest, “and why are you even commenting I thought we established we were allowed to see other people in this relationship so we wouldn’t get bored of each other easily.”

“Yes Fitz,” Jemma responded, “but I don’t want you to get your arse kicked by this woman she looks as fierce as May.”

“Time,” John said crossing his hands into a T-position as if he was a referee, “We are happy to have you Fitzsimmons but you guys need to-”

John was cut off by the sound of someone stepping through the gate. Moments later what sounded like someone gagging. Motion sickness….it was. Common for people who walked through the gate for the first time. He ran to help the person almost on a instinct but stopped dead in his tracks.

“Phil you need to take deep breaths,” The familiar voice that made his hair stand up on end said, “if you need to vomit, vomit.”

Phil Coulson, part of the reason his life was made a living hell by the she devil was on his hands and knees. He looked to the glass floor below. He was breathing heavily in and out through his mouth and nose. He had a difficult first run through the gate. And there kneeling next to him running her hand softly down his back….was Melinda.

John couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. He feared if he would he would gauge a negative reaction from her. So he stood dumbfounded. Paralyzed as the world moved around him reacting to the new arrival. Jemma ran to their side with Elizabeth following behind her slowly and cautiously. Elizabeth stopped when she was next to him. She slowly ran her hand up and down his arm making sure he kept calm. It was going to take more than a comforting touch to make him calm.

“Sir are you alright,” Jemma said preparing to kneel at her superior’s level, but Phil raised his hand telling her to stop. 

“Give me a minute Simmons,” He said, “I never did well with intense roller coasters…..and I am not going to lie…..this was pretty intense give.” Jemma had a laugh at that. “I’ll be okay.”

He looked to Melinda and nodded his head. She slowly got off the floor helping Phil off the floor and steadied him. He took a few more deep breaths before turning his head to Melinda and gave her a smile. Melinda looked away smiling before turning back to look at him. Her eyes bright and shimmering in the same way did they when they looked at John….expect this time the sparkle was brighter.

Phil fucking Coulson did always one up him in at regard. 

John curled his hand in a fist. The knuckles were turning white as they cramped from the intensity and tightness. He wanted to punch Phil that just to get that smug look on Melinda’s face as she looked at him. John didn’t care if it got that suit and tie ensemble Phil was wearing and always did wore dirty. But he breathed for now even though his face was turning red. He didn’t want to look like a monster in front of his teammates. 

“Well that was embarrassing,” Phil said dusting off his suit, he let out his hand to Elizabeth and smiled. At that point two people had come behind them. John immediately recognized the girl as Skye, Phil and Melinda’s daughter has told the briefing, along with a man whose name was lost to him because he was so fucking livid over the fact the two of them actually had children together. Two gentleman followed behind them with their arms linked looking around at the place in wonder. Melinda gently let out her arm and let Skye close to the two of them so they could properly introduce her to Elizabeth, like parents often did to friends…...Parading her to possibly to make John jealous most likely. “Doctor Weir right? If so I was your Cousin’s SO. He spoke great things about you. It’s great to finally put a face to the name.”

“Yes it’s a pleasure to meet you Agent Coulson,” Elizabeth smiled and let out her hand. Phil took it firmly in his and shook it as Melinda turned to Skye running her hand down her arm. The young woman, who looked like a young version of Melinda rolled her eyes and smirked mouthing ‘I’m not five mother’. “Clint has mentioned you a few times, it will be great to finally meet you.”

“I see you met Fitzsimmons.” He said as he pointed behind her where Jemma was standing on alert incase Phil got sick again and Fitz was in the corner already waving his arms talking with Ronon and Teyla. He pointed behind him where the two men who had just came in the gate were talking to the man who came in with Skye. He looked uninterested. Two other Agents came behind him. A young woman no older than thirty along with a man who John thought looked like he could be some sort of male model. “Interesting duo are they not.” Elizabeth nodded her head, “Behind me are Agent Grant Ward who was part of our original team, along with Agents Antoine Triplett, Lance Hunter, Alphonso Mackenzie and Bobbi Morse who just joined us. But you knew that from the file I thought it would be nice to point out the actual people instead of learning of them from info packets. Clint and Natasha along with Agents Lewis should be joining us soon.”

Elizabeth smile as he let go her hand. Phil let go of her hand and turned his head to Melinda and Skye who smiled and waved. John at that point had to force a smile on his face. Already his cheeks were hurting from the pressure. A few more moments of faking it. 

“And this is my second in command Agent Melinda May,” Phil continued. Melinda turned her head to face Elizabeth but stopped as soon as she caught eyes on John. Her smile faded, just a little as her eyes narrowed. He could see her hand moving her to grip Skye’s gently. Some sort of coping mechanism perhaps. If so, the dance and the game had begun. All John could do now is keep his fake smile and not let the annoyance and the anger take over “If I am ever incapacitated you will be speaking with her.”

Skye gripped her mother’s arm and started running hand up and down the forearm as a form of comfort. 

“Are you alright there Mom?” She whispered. Melinda turned her head thankfully breaking contact with John and smiled at the girl nodding her head.

“And this beautiful young woman,” Phil said turning his head towards Skye who’s one hand let let go of her mother’s arm before letting it out for Elizabeth to shake. The expedition leader took the young woman’s hand and gripped it lightly as she shook it, “is Melinda’s and My daughter Skye.”

“I see the resemblance,” Elizabeth said as she let go of her hand, “well it’s a pleasure to meet you Skye...anyway we are going to wait till the other members of your team to-”

“LIZZIE!” A voice called out.

The smile on Elizabeth’s face widened as the man John immediately recognized as Clint Barton waved to her. The fiery red headed woman, the Colonel immediately inferred to be his mate and longtime partner smiled simply at her. She turned to John eyes shining with joy as she squeezed his arm.

“Why don’t you introduce Agents Coulson, May and Skye to Ronon, Teyla and Rodney as I go give Clint a hug,” She said with a grin, “CLINT!” 

Elizabeth let go of his arm. Immediately she went running with one of those happy to see you again laughter . She leapt into Clint’s arms as he pulled her into a hug, almost lifting her off the ground. John wanted to object. He wanted her to stay. But he was a soldier. He had no choice but to follow this order. Even if it meant having to face the she-devil from his past. He bit his lip and turned the couple. And then it happened. The last person came through the gate, throwing an empty cup of coffee from Starbucks behind her carelessly and the gate closed behind her. 

It was official. No matter how much John would want to kick and scream at the unjustness of this. He had no choice but to grit his teeth and bear it. He was fucking stuck here with them.

"It's a pleasure to see you again Major Sheppard," Phil said with his usually small and conservative grin. He let out his hand for John to shake. He was always too civil for his taste.

"It's Colonel Sheppard now," John said the forced grin was fading bit by hard won bit. But he managed to catch it before it completely turned into a frown. No dismay, no displeasure. He had to keep his head on straight. He didn’t want to shake Coulson’s hand hell he didn’t even want to touch him. But he had no choice he was the bigger person and needed to be civil. So with small sigh he shook it. 

“Oh right every thing with HYDRA it was hard to focus on the details,” Phil said letting go of the other man’s hand. Melinda looked to gaze at John again. Her eyes looked carefully with scrutiny making sure he wouldn’t make a word or a false move to upset him. But already he seemed to piss him off without even trying. 

“Just like you forgot to tell me you two had had a daughter,” John grumbled.

“What?” Phil said frowning and raising an eyebrow. Melinda furrowed her brow now. The muscles in John’s face gave out at the foolish move he just made. She was ready to jump to Coulson’s defense if he said another word to try to provoke him. He bit his lip. The mask the he held all day had begun to fall. He had to act and he had to act quickly. 

John looked behind him to Elizabeth. Her hands were on Natasha’s shoulders. She squeezed them tightly. Natasha looked down and smiled before looking back up at Elizabeth with a warm look on her face. His smile returned at the sight, the mere reminder just as she welcomed the young woman into her family. She welcomed him into this city and made him feel like he belonged here. 

If he couldn’t keep calm and composed for himself he had to act calm for her. 

“You must have not heard me,” John said. There was a sense of relief knowing that his mask he so often learn to conceal the emotions was back at least for now. “Your file said you had a nasty brush with death, despite all that you managed to hold yourself together you look good since the last time we met.”

A small sincere smile returned but there was something in Phil’s eyes as he looked to the ground. Fear, pain, haunting John didn’t know. The file had said Phil was gravely injured in an attack, declared dead, but was resuscitated. But there was more to it, John could tell by the tense body language. For a moment he pitied the guy cause John knew far too well what it was like. He dealt with that ever so recently. But it still wasn’t going to change anything. 

What happened still happened.

Phil finally lifted his head with a faded smile.

“You….you look good too,” He said his voice cracking a little. 

His hand squeezed Melinda’s arm. Was this a sign of distress? John wasn’t quite sure. Melinda now looked at John with her ever so subtle look of anger on his face. He only held his smile his mask being more securely tightened to his face now. 

But he knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. He struck a damn nerve. It wasn’t going to go well with Melinda. 

“Well I am going to go and meet Khal Drogo and his warrior queen over there,” Skye said stepping back from the group. “This is getting too awkward for my taste.” 

She moved away and stepped towards Fitz and Jemma who was standing and laughing with Ronon and Teyla along with the Starbucks girl (John was talking . Rodney was now talking to Bobbi Morse and Alphonso Mackenzie (who he finally had faces to the names). His only sense of safety besides Elizabeth who looked like she was finishing talking to Clint and Natasha. Melinda opened her mouth ready to speak. Was she ready to plan a rebuttal? A word. John braced himself when-

“Can I have everyone’s attention?” Elizabeth called out. John breathed a sigh of relief. She smiled and grabbed him by the arm gently. He gave Phil and Melinda a bow of the head as he followed her to the front. They stood on the steps of Atlantis that led out front to control room and to various other parts of the city. All eyes were on him. At least some of them were kinder, “on behalf of myself and the SGC we welcome you to Atlantis. As you are aware from files I am Doctor Elizabeth Weir. I run the expedition, I make all the decisions for the people who inhabit the city. Lt. Colonel Sheppard is my second in command….and makes all the military and security decisions for everyone in the city.”

“Basically I save your asses when we are in trouble,” John added trying to be humorous as he usually did from time to time

A few people in the small room started laughing. Elizabeth raised and eyebrow and mouthed out his name. John only smiled and mouthed “c’mon you always did like my humour. She rolled her eyes and looked back into the crowd.

“I know it must be difficult for you coming from an intense and horrid situation back on Earth,” Elizabeth continued a few people had gathered now at the front, Phil and Melinda being the heads of their small group had managed to make their way to the front, “believe me, while I have the fortune of having my cousin here, a lot of our relatives are still on Earth, fighting for their lives, going into Stargate command safe houses, the like. Some are still unaccounted for, but here in Atlantis we act as if whatever world we are on to keep spinning. For the next couple of days you will be debriefed on Technology, threats and protocol. Because while there are some areas in the Pegasus are safe others are not.”

“IS ASGARD AROUND HERE?” Darcy said looking up at Ronon who looked rather….unamused earth ladies were already fawning over him, “Cause so far the only eye candy over here is taken.”

Phil sighed squeezing the bridge of his before looking up at Elizabeth who tilted her head just as unimpressed as Ronon. John smiled at the young girls enthusiasm. Phil took a deep breath and lifted his head.

“Forgive Agent Lewis Doctor Weir,” He said, “she gets a little overly excited. Agent Lewis knows next time she speaks out of turn she is getting desk duty.” Darcy opened her mouth to speak but shut her mouth just as quickly knowing she didn’t want to want to miss out on the action the wonderful Pegasus Galaxy had to offer them. 

“I’ll remember that next time Agent Coulson,” Elizabeth said before looking back into the crowd, “Now for one technical thing. Atlantis is a big city…..but surprisingly not as much living quarters as we thought. We just got an influx of Stargate personale from Earth. We also have a few civilizations that were displaced by Wraith cullings. So the city is starting to become…...crowded. So we would like some volunteers-” 

“With all do respect ma’am,” A voice in the crowd said. Some turned their heads to Grant who John noticed did not interact with anyone when he arrived. John raised an eyebrow. The file he got said he needed to be on alert as he worked with a man who turned out to be working for HYDRA. Was the reclusive behavior the sign he was indeed part of HYDRA or was he a lot like John when he first arrived on Atlantis? If that was the case….he did understand the latter, “I rather not share a room with anyone…..I prefer to be alone.” 

Skye, who John knew according to her file was the closest to Grant, folded her arms.

“Of course,” She whispered rolling her eyes, “He finally speaks to say that.” 

“Agent Ward,” Elizabeth said looking at Grant with a sympathetic look, “While I understand your plight with Agent Garrett has taken it’s toll on you, first of all I did not finish my sentence, second of all, I didn’t say I was forcing you to room with anyone when you didn’t want to….I was looking for volunteers. With that said….is anyone in this room willing to Volunteer to share a room. Each room has a bed and a pull out couch so everyone will have a place to sleep. Rules of Fraternization are less stricter here because we have married couples from Earth and the Pegasus so coed roommates are allowed. With that said anyone who is willing to share a room with a partner please take your intended partners hand and raise it up in the air.”

Lance and Trip without an ounce of hesitation was the first one with their linked hands in the air. Lance hand turned his head towards his fellow Agents.

“We’re going to have epic sleepovers,” He said with a naughty glint in his eye as he winked at the fellow at his partner.

“Not in front of everyone Hunter,” Trip responded before lowering his voice to a lower octave, “Besides we already have epic sleepovers.”

 

“Bow chicka wow wow,” Darcy chanted silently.

Natasha and Clint followed by Fitzsimmons followed suit without a single ounce of hesitation. Their hands raised high and proudly. Mackenzie looked over at Bobbi for a moment who mouthed out something before turning back over to Elizabeth at the front. 

“Can we change our minds later,” He asked tilting his head for a moment. 

“You sure can Agent Mackenzie” Elizabeth answered with a grin folding her arms in front of her, “besides we have a few volunteers already.”

“Please call me Mack,” He responded, “I don’t like being formal.” 

“Will Do!” Elizabeth acknowledged, “any other volunteers.” 

There were whispers throughout the room. But John managed to catch a glimpse of Phil and Melinda. He turned his head and leaned in real close putting his hand on her shoulder. It was like two kids on a playground sharing an innocent conversation or a rumor. John perked up his hearing and tried to hone in what the two of them were saying to each other. 

“How about we share one,” Phil said quietly, John tried not to frown. Was it still anger from the past or was it the fact that he was truly not over the she-devil who ruined his life for a time that was making this question, though he was happy with Elizabeth making this innocent question irk him more than it should, “I know I being up front about it but….we don’t have to share a bed or anything.”

Melinda closed her eyes for a moment, possibly enjoying the idea more than she should. A smile bared upon her lips. The idea was more enticing than it should be. Maybe they would start….with one on the couch and the other on the bed. But then things would change. Soon both would inhabit the bed, bodies entangled in limbs and sheets, smiles as if they won 1,000,000,000 bucks. John knew for sure it happened before between them….and it would sure as hell happen again. 

“As long as you want to….I wouldn’t object…” Melinda said with a grin as she leaned closer, “but I get the bed.”

“And if things change?” Phil inquired almost challenging her.

“We’ll talk again,” Melinda said taking his hand in her own.

Phil smiled before looking up at Elizabeth. 

“With all due respect ma’am,” He said, before raising his hand in the air with Melinda’s linked in his tightly as they raised it in the air, “Agent May and I volunteer.”

"Very well, Elizabeth said with a smile, "I think we have more than enough people to bunk together, with that said I will let you go to your rooms and settle in and at eighteen hundred hours Dinner will be served. Ronon and Teyla will show you to the living quarters. You are all dismissed."

The crowd began to disperse and walked into separate rooms following Ronon and Teyla. John thought he was off the hook as he breathed a sigh of relief when he thought the worst was over. He survived for now. Who knows the next time Melinda could rip his head off.

"Agents May and Coulson," Elizabeth said. The couple who had just passed them to walk in their rooms, "In about an hour from now I'd like to meet with you both and Agents Barton and Romanoff. I need to brief you on the threats of the Galaxy." 

Melinda turned to Coulson glaring as he moved his eyes on his new boss.

"We'll be there with bells on," He said quietly. With that he tapped Melinda on the arm and led her out of the hallway. 

John waited until they walked out of sight. As soon as they were gone the mask fell. He turned his head over to Elizabeth. His heart which beating at different paces from the moment Coulson and the time arrived into the city until now, was slowly regulating to his moment pace. Was this was going to be his life as long as Melinda was in the city? 

“Could you at least give me a moment to breathe,” John said, “I swear she was going to eat me alive.”

“John,” Elizabeth said bluntly as she leaned in slowly and softly kissed him on the cheek, “you almost turned into a bug and lived to tell….I am sure as long as me….Agents Coulson, Romanoff and Barton are there… your ex won’t eat you alive.”

John closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying his best to reveal the feel of her lips against his skin. He never did believe in god, even though his mother was from a staunch Catholic family, but for the moment he hoped some higher being heard his prayers to end what ever madness was going on down on Earth…..and quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Melinda is John's ex O.O OH MY GOD! XD, probably saw it coming. 
> 
> Next chapter:
> 
> \- Will Focus on Skye and Philinda Settling in.
> 
> \- Melinda actually has a terrible adjustment and at the same time Coulson and start to find themselves beginning to slip into past ways. 
> 
> \- Skye meets Rowan Kolya after Grant Ward snubs her for a person in his past.


	4. the beautiful stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Skye is snubbed by Grant Ward for an old friend she meets the mysterious Rowan Kolya.....a boy with a dark past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To get a clear picture of Rowan is based off the Late Cory Monteith's appearance (it will be reference he looks like Cory as a warning).
> 
> Alexandra's appearence is based that off Diana Argorn.
> 
> Remember Kudos and Comments are love

Skye was a nomad. 

She moved from home to home as a child, never knowing who her parents were (until a day of boredom whilst recovering from her injuries lead to her discovery that AC and Agent May...were her mom and dad). When she grew up she lived in her van only living in a town for a week, a month tops before moving onto the next town. When she was in S.H.I.E.L.D. it was the same. They could be in London one day, and Johannesburg the next. 

But to be quite honest, true, as a child Skye hated moving from home from town to town, but now...that she was used to it...she would be incredibly bored.

It was why Skye didn’t take even five minutes to look around the room relevant to something from the Jetsons. She was already antsy. The fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. left her on edge questioning everything, worrying about everyone involved. While she was somewhat at ease that Fitzsimmons was embracing the fact they were living out of something out of Doctor Who, and Dad at least was taking this assignment as a welcomed distraction.

There was one thing that was pissing her off. There was one thing that kept her on edge.

Grant Ward. 

The man had been nothing but a smug bastard since it was discovered, the ever so great Douchebag John Garrett, Grant’s former SO, turned out be a backstabbing traitor for HYDRA. 

Had the situation been different. Had Grant not kissed before systematically taken out those HYDRA traitors. Had Grant not roped her in like some stead only to have selective memory over the way they were, maybe she would have understood why he wanted to be alone, why Grant Douglas Ward wanted to shut people out. 

He made it clear he liked her, he showed the signs. But he seemed to forget about that, now he was treating her like some hideous creature no one wanted to be near.

For too long Skye had been roped in by families only to be pushed aside like that burden. She wasn’t a toy. She was an actual human being. And she was damn well sure she wasn’t going to be played with.

Did he really want to let her in or was he going to let her in little by little only to push her away when something to him?

Skye needed her answer….she didn’t want to get her hopes up only to have them dashed, especially now in a place where she was far away from what she was used and while excited was terrified what was out there. She had that happen one two many times over.

She settled her computer bag on the small bed and made her way to his room. If he was going to fucking slam the door in her face when tried to talk...she’d have her answer.

* * *

Skye slammed her hand on the weird looking door of Grant’s room that was metal, but looked like wood somehow. She was careful to keep her head as fucking clear as possible so she wouldn’t happen to walk into his room by mistake. That Scottish guy had said because she had two parents with the ancient gene she was more efficient with the technology than others. Even if she wasn’t she didn’t want to fuel Grant’s anger further by accidentally walking into his room….especially on his man period he was having. 

“Grant Douglas Ward I know you are in there I hear your footsteps,” Skye said furrowing her brow. She wouldn’t be surprised if someone mistook her to being her mother, angry, annoyed and determined. “Don’t leave me hanging. I feel like fucking Anna from Frozen….like literally fucking Anna from Frozen.” No answer. There were days Grant would laugh at her jokes and there were days he would not get a single word he was saying, “Fine I didn’t want to have to do this….but It’s going there. Ready…..okay….1, 2,3 three.” She took a deep breath and sang, “DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN! COME ON LETS GO AND PLAY!”

There was a loud rumble of feet that led up to the door until it finally opened. Grant stood in the doorway. Brows knitted, his jaw clenched. Skye had seen him through his mood swings. The good, the bad, and the ugly. By the way he looked with her with fire in his eyes...he was going through one of his “ugly” ones.

“Good…..I got your attention.” Skye said.

Grant made a low feral growl.

“How many times do I have to tell you,” He said in his angry tone of voice. The one where he talked slow and octaves changed all over the place. The same tone of voice he had he was hit with the bezerker a months ago, “Leave….me…..alone.” 

Skye raised her hands in defense trying in her own way to tell him that she was understanding what he was going through but to calm the hell down. 

“And I will leave you alone Grant Ward,” Skye said with her hands still in that defensive position. He looked as strung up as a pulled rubber band ready to snap apart by another inch of a pull or ready to sore when released. “But you answer one question for me first.” 

He looked away for a moment before turning to face her again. Eyes narrowed lips pursued. 

“Make it quick,” He responded folding his arms over his chest. His fingers tapped against his elbows. He seemed rather impatient to sink back into the dark room behind him. Every light was literally off. Either he couldn’t control the lights or was that much of a state of perpetual misery the lights gave him a headache.

“So you can go back to moping over your douchebag ex S.O sure I’ll take my sweet time,” She piped up, she must have struck a nerve. She could see his teeth chewing over his bottom lip. His fingers stopped tapping as his fingernails dug into his skin. It was a sign of nervous behavior. Being the odd ball thanks to her personality enhancing condition as she called it, she grew around people who reacted negatively to her impulsive behavior. She learned their body language and used it in her everyday life. It helped her learned to what make people tick. 

Grant Ward was not a man to cry out and express his emotions. Even if one were to break his fucking arm to try to get him to talk about his brother. He often turned to self harming stems from subtle picking and scratching to make sure his emotions continued to be hidden from view. Whatever he was going to to say about Garrett he wasn’t going to say it at all. And if she pushed him it would blow up in her face.

She wasn’t going to push it. But she was going to mention it. 

“You kissed me,” Skye said furrowing her brow, “you kissed me, you held my hand and then the moment Coulson sat you down and said that Garrett was HYDRA. Okay I get it...your pigheaded SO turned out to be a liar. He was your hero. If any of my heroes turned out to be the same way I would be upset too. But there are people who care for you Grant.” She slowly went to grip his hand. “I care for you. But please even if that kiss meant nothing….let me help you.”

It was like a hand touched a hot stove. He ripped it away and back to his side. It was like a punch in the gut….or worse….being shot again. Skye looked up with hurt filled eyes. She bit her lip. His eyes were still filled with absolute rage. 

“You’re right the kiss meant nothing,” Grant said said calmly his voice still cracking, “I thought we were going to die and I wanted to see if I felt something for you and I don’t, and I don’t need your help. I need to do this alone. I’m you’re SO…..and that’s it….Nothing more….nothing less.”

Skye stood still. She didn’t know whether to be appalled over the fact that Grant was now one of the many to let her down, or relieved that a two faced son of a bitch-

“Excuse me,” A soft female voice with a bit of a southern drawl had said. Both Skye and Ward turned their heads to face the figure. She looked like an all around good girl that lived next door. The one who would run a virginity club up in the local high school and the cheerleading team and anything that would give her a fucking good girl reputation. “I am looking for a boy. He’s pretty tall...handsome, nice build, with the appearance of a Kennedy. His name is Grant Ward.”

Skye furrowed her brow. She was ready to tell this bitch off and this was hers and Grant’s conversation. But someone the least expected spoke for her.

“Alexandra?” Grant said. Skye turned to face him. And suddenly she fucking felt like she was going to be sick. This woman had to be the one good thing from his past because moments ago Grant Ward had the face on like he was about to commit murder. But now…...he looked different, calm he actually FUCKING smiled. The wave of emotions hit her like a ton of bricks. For the first time since she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. even after the whole fiasco that almost got her booted from the bus, she felt…..worthless.

The two embraced. Grant pulled her into a hug, his eyes sparkling with joy, lips curling into a smile. The moment she wrapped her arms around him, Skye bolted. 

She ran as fast as her feet could carry her throughout the halls of Atlantis. She could feel the fire and anger run through her veins and through her lungs How could she be so fucking stupid? How could she ever fucking believe that she would find love in a family that finally gave her purpose? How could after everything she and Grant Douglas Ward had been through death, destruction and betrayal for some….god know what she was! Was she his sister? Girlfriend? Who the fuck even knew? 

She probably watched as his fucking brother beat the crap out of Grant. Probably just remembered him...or maybe…..

This whole damn time Skye Coulson May was just one down from this-

She felt herself bumping into something hard. Probably a wall, but when she heard a small “Oof,” she realized she ran into another human being. She stumbled backwards for a moment before tumbling to the ground. But seconds before she hit the ground she was caught by two muscular arms. 

“Th-thank the an-ancients f-f-for that tr-tr-training,” a male voice stuttered out.

Skye caught her breath as she looked up at the mystery man who saved her. He was pretty tall, with messy dark brown hair, striking dark and a small gentle smile. Actually from this angle he kind of looked like…..

“Finn Hudson?” Skye said raising an eyebrow. 

The stranger’s smile widened a little.

“F-F-Finn H-H-Hudson from G-G-Glee pl-played by the l-l-late C-C-Cory M-M-Monteith from T-t-two Thousand and N-nine till his d-d-death in t-t-two Th-th-thousand Th-th-thirteen,” He said. Skye tilted her head and grinned. He reminded her of a friend she had in the Rising Tide. An Autistic Savant (though this stranger didn’t have to be Autistic he probably knew a lot of facts). Skye could mention a topic and he would have some form of fact to go with it, from roles to movies and whatnot….of course….like many people in the organization she lost touch when she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. “P-people t-t-tell me I l-l-look like h-h-him, it m-makes me..l-less sc-sc-scary.”

The strangers smile faded a bit. A sign there was much more behind the bright smile. Something awful something she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Grant was like that. But immediately there was something about this stranger that had distinguished him from Grant Ward he seemed to have a kinder, warm and welcoming presence to him. 

Grant Ward may have been a survivor. But this stranger seemed to be a survivor and have the strength to be kind to others when he wasn’t treated as such as such growing up.

“You scary?” Skye said raising an eyebrow, “You look more like a hot walking dictionary to me.” 

The stranger blushed looking down at her but the smile widened a little bit. He slowly leaned her forward and onto her feet. He steadied her. His large hands rested on her shoulders making sure she didn't sway. They were about the size of Ward's but they were softer and much more firm as they held her in place.

"I am n-n-not f-f-familiar with the e-earth l-l-lingo," He said quietly, "b-but I am a-a-assuming its a c-c-comp-p-pliment."

Skye blinked.

“You are not from here?” she said, with a shocked and excited gasp, “you’re an alien humanoid whatever! I am sorry but that is awesome. Sorry I get really excited about this stuff."

"W-w-well I d-don't think I'm that sp-sp-special cons-s-sid-d-dering I am h-h-human l-l-like you," He responded. Skye couldn't help but stare in awe at him and wonder. She was trying to read him guess what he was like with thousands of possibilities of what his world was like what it was like growing up in space. He could have lived in a world just like theirs. So much he wanted to know about him and she didn't even know his name. "b-b-but I find your enthusiasm rather a-a-adorable. Wh-wh-what’s you’re n-n-name?”

Skye smiled. She let out her hand for him to shake. He instead took it in his hand and held it for a moment. He looked at her with anticipation in his eyes. But there was something about the way he looked at her as he held her hand. No one ever looked at her like that, not Myles not even Grant. She shouldn’t feel this way, this boy was just a stranger. But she couldn’t help but feel like her hand fit into his so well. 

“I am Skye Coulson May,” She said.

He took her hand and kissed it gently. Skye shuddered in the delight as he felt his lips against her skin and beautiful and gentle, just as it seemed he was.

“Sk-Skye, Skye...” He said quietly still holding her hand in his. His thumb ran against the top of her hand, “B-b-beautiful n-n-name for a c-c-companion that is always w-w-with us. I am R-R-Rowan….” Rowan hesitated at the second part of the name. Must have been something he was ashamed about. She wasn’t going to pester him about it like she did with Ward. She was going to let him open up when he wanted to, “K-Kolya of the G-G-Genii.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Rowan Kolya of the Genii,” Skye said with a grin. Her hand was still held in his. But for some reason he did not quite mind letting it go just yet. “Even if I did run into you in the beginning. But it seems you have forgiven me.”

“I h-have l-learned that an-anger l-leads to nothing only p-p-pain, f-f-forgive-n-n-ness is the on-l-ly op-op-option,” Rowan responded. Her smile faded a little. For a moment she thought about Grant and how his descents into anger brought a whole lot of hurt onto her and to the team. She brushed it off. It wasn’t her fault he wanted to shut her out. Besides she was in a world far from her own she wasn’t going to let anything weigh her down….from exploring and making…..new friends. “H-h-have y-y-you b-b-been g-given a t-tour yet?”

“Nope,” She said grinning. The was something fluttering in the pit of her stomach knowing this was his way of letting out his hand and offering friendship. Maybe for now they would get to know each other walk around the fascinating city amongst the stars. Over time they would trust each other. Even if this ended with them just being friends well...at least it would be cool to be friends with someone from another galaxy.

“H-How about I g-g-give you one m-m-myself,” Rowan said with a smile. He finally let her hand go. It felt odd like a piece of her that had been with her for a while had left. But Skye had a funny feeling if things continued to go the way they were going she may feel her hand in his again, “I kn-kn-know some c-c-cool pl-places throughout the c-c-city they pr-pr-probably won’t sh-sh-show you...un-un-unless….y-y-you’re b-b-busy.”

“I got a few hours to kill considering my friends are…...busy,” Skye said. It was true. Fitzsimmons was probably doing what Fitzsimmons usually does. Grant was probably acting as fake as hell in front of this woman, this stranger from his his past, and Trip...well he was probably getting reaquainted with his boyfriend. She probably would have spent the next hour making a bad first impression on Atlantis by hacking into their system. 

She smiled and linked her arm around his. Her arm ran against his bicep. Rowan turned his head towards her. He was breathing sharply. It wasn’t angry breathing like Ward’s. It was excited breathing. Maybe….he was feeling the same feelings of excitement Skye was feeling. Who knows….

One step at a time. Skye thought. 

“Well Rowan?” She said with a fake British accent, causing Rowan’s eyes to widen and make him let out a small laugh. “Shall you show me the way?”

And away they went.

* * *

Rowan Kolya was literally Grant Ward’s antichrist. 

No joke.

His polar opposite.

Skye remembered coming onto the bus for the first time and Grant had showed her where everything was. Where everyone ate, drank ate and slept and this had big stupid brooding look on his face. He wanted nothing more than to go hide in his room and listen to emo music.

And to think…..a slow burn and she was drawn to him like a mouth to a flame. 

Rowan was a more enthusiastic tour guide. He was well read and as he happily exclaimed ever so often and went into every detail about the Atlantis base he possibly could. He waved to people on the way. They even stopped to talk to Trip and Hunter at some point in the tour. He was the guy she was comfortable to bringing home to A- Dad. God she had to get used to saying that.

It was odd she was really enjoying Rowan’s company. But yet she only had a name, knew he was well read and came from a space civilization. Nothing more and nothing less. He was only a stranger.

She was curious to know about him. She tried to ask him about where he was from a few times but he kept avoiding the subject.

“Th-th-the b-b-balc-cony is b-beautiful.” Rowan said, “C-colonel S-sheppard and D-D-Doctor W-W-Weir g-go th-there all the t-t-time. Th-Th-They are pr-pr-probably are st-still in the m-m-meeting b-b-but there are o-o-other b-b-b-balconies h-h-here. T-T-This one h-h-has a v-v-view of the m-m-m-”

“Asshole,” Skye heard a voice growl causing her to step dead in her tracks, “I was trying to help him. But No, apparently I degraded am the demonic hell beast Lance Hunter calls Bobbi.”

“Well he was always a hothead,” Another voice adding into the commotion.

There in the distance Phil and Melinda, her ever so loving but now zany parents were making there way to the two of them. Her mother of course looked like she was skin alive the next man who crossed her path while her dad, who was wearing glasses, that was new, anyway something told Skye that the meeting didn’t go well as they hoped.

“W-W-What’s wr-wr-wrong?” Rowan asked raising an eyebrow.

“Well those are my parents and they look like they are in a bad mood,” Skye said taking him by the wrist. “Mom seemed to have some sort of beef with Colonel Sheppard and she just had to deal with I don’t know some enemy debriefing meeting.” The smile on Rowan’s face abruptly faded the moment he heard meeting. “I am guessing it went south. Come on if I showed them I made a new friend….they’ll probably be happy.”

“Uh an-an-an-another d-d-d-day,” His stuttering suddenly became worse. Skye looked at him raising an eyebrow. He was trying to break away from her grip. What before was a face full of light and happiness was a face full of pure terror. “W-w-w-we j-j-j-just m-m-m-met and um, um, um I-I-I r-r-r-really l-l-l-like y-y-y-you b-b-b-but…..I-I-I-I d-d-d-don’t th-th-th-think-”

“Well at least someone settling in well,” Her mother’s voice said. At that point she and Phil were standing in front of her. Her arms were folded. Phil stood behind her with a warm smile on his face. Rowan’s head was turned to the door behind him “Care to introduce us Skye.”

“Sure,” Skye said she gently rubbed Rowan’s arm, “Mom, Dad….this is Rowan….and Rowan you can lift your head up my parents don’t bite, this Ph-”

“Rowan...as in Rowan Kolya?” Phil said quietly.

Rowan slowly lifted his head. His face was now pure white. There it was. The secret he had been avoiding when she tried to pry it out of him. He had a dark past. A past he did not want to talk about. Hopefully, he didn’t lash out like Ward did sometimes when he talked about his brother Christian and all the things he had done to him and his little brother.

It must have been bad enough that Mom and Dad had been debriefed about it. 

“Y-y-y-yes S-s-sir,” Rowan said quietly, his eyes moved to a corner of the room so he would avoid looking Phil in the eye. Surprisingly Skye noticed he was looking to him gently. Her father always was…..a great judge of character.

Phil opened his mouth to speak. But Melinda who seemed to be in a fury spoke for him…….according to Dad….her temper sometimes got in the way of a verbal filter...especially when she didn’t have time to do her “Hate Fu.”

“Well then Rowan,” Melinda said, “if you could find me a way to get me to shake your father’s hand for feeding my bastard ex to a wraith…..I would be really happy. Then again I don’t know who to feel worse for. John for suffering the agony or the wraith for having to feed off that piece of shit.” 

Phil quickly grabbed her arm and started rubbing her shoulder in reassuring circles. 

“Forgive her Mr. Kolya,” He said politely, “Her and Colonel Sheppard had bit a bit of a past and the two of them are not exactly setting in well knowing they are in the same city together. She needs a moment to breathe I am sure your comment about your fath-”

“MY FATHER IS DEAD TO ME!” Rowan roared. Skye blinked. It wasn’t just an angry outburst, it was the first god damn he did not stutter. Realizing what he had done, Rowan winced before looking at the two of them as if he were a deer caught between two headlights, “I am s-s-sorry….Sk-Sk-Skye.” He said quietly. “I-I-I’m g-g-gonna g-g-go, it w-w-was n-n-nice m-m-m-meeting y-y-you Sk-sk-sk-skye.” 

And he was off. No.

He ran.

There was a fire in Skye’s eyes as she turned to face her parents. Her arms folding over her chest.

“Way to go both of you,” Skye said, “I was this close to making a new friend in this galaxy and you have to blow it….” She turned heels and began walking down the hallway away from the scene. Everything was going so well. “I am going to follow him...maybe apologize to him on your behalf.”

“Great...now my daughter hates me too,” Melinda said blinking.

“She’ll forgive us soon enough,” Phil said, “Come on let’s get you back to our room...you look like you need some Tai Chi.”

* * *

It wasn’t a quick search. Rowan was an avid reader. If there was one thing she knew about and especially working with S.H.I.E.L.D. everyone had their happy place. For Skye it was her van (god knows where it was), she kinda wished the Bus flew through space so she could have it back. For Grant it was the gym. Fitzsimmons, it was the lab for them of course. Her father had his office with his trinkets and her mother….the cockpit. It was there place to be secure and away from the madness.

So it was no surprise….Rowan’s happy place would be the library. 

She found him in a small corner in a library in a cross legged position on the floor. His book on his lap. He looked engaged in the tale. His eyes remained fixated on the pages going back and forth. His face in his hand. He took a deep breath and sighed. 

“I kn-kn-know y-y-you’re th-th-there,” Rowan said quietly marking up his page, “I-I-I I am gl-gl-glad you are so c-c-conc-cerned. b-but you d-d-don’t w-w-want t-to b-be a-a-around m-m-me. I am d-”

“Damaged?” Skye said raising an eyebrow, “because that was the excuse the last guy. Gave me.” Or at least thought Grant had given her. It seemed to be a 360 turn when he met that mystery bitch. 

“I d-d-don’t th-th-think I am d-d-damaged,” Rowan said quietly, “I-I-I sh-should be b-b-but I am n-n-not b-b-but I-I-I am d-d-dangerous.”

“You don’t look dangerous,” Skye said tilting her head, “Actually you like kind of harmless.”

“B-b-but y-you d-d-don’t kn-kn-know me y-y-you d-don’t kn-know my f-f-father,” Rowan said rising to his feet. “y-y-you w-w-will f-f-find out ab-ab-about h-him and I-I w-w-won’t l-l-look s-so h-h-harm-l-l-less. I, b-b-barely kn-kn-know y-y-you Sk-Sk-Skye but c-c-can al-al-already s-s-see y-you are a g-g-good p-p-person and I d-d-don’t w-w-want y-y-you t-to g-g-get h-h-hurt or sc-sc-scared. I al-al-already sp-sp-spoke t-too m-m-much I-I-I sh-sh-should g-g-go.” 

Rowan began to walk away but Skye gently grabbed him by the wrist. He just stared at her with shocked eyes. He wondered why she was so insistent of him staying and getting to know her 

“My mother Melinda May,” She said calmly, “has a bit of a reputation herself. She is probably going to kill me for telling you this. But I like you….you are really, really nice,” Rowan blinked. She couldn’t help but wonder how fucked up was his father that the words she liked him for being nice seem so damn foreign to him, “it’s not even an exaggeration I really feel this way. Anyway...according to my dad, my mother used to be really cool, she would play jokes, she would cosplay.”

“C-c-cosp-p-play?” Rowan said

“Costume play,” Skye responded. “but I’ll explain that to you later if you let me stick around but as I was saying. She was cool but then she had this mission in this place call Bahrain. She killed a shitload of people,” She began talking with her hands. It was something she often did when she was deep in a monologue. A trait she inherited from her dad, “and earned this nickname the Cavalry and she flipped….out. And I am not saying this to be funny...she really regretted what happened. Now my mother is no longer this fun loving woman, you met her she is no longer warm and fuzzy. Am I like that? I am pretty much the bubbliest person you.

“It d-d-d-different Sk-Sk-Skye,” Rowan said the pain in his eyes were evident, “M-m-m-my f-f-father Ac-Acastus K-K-Kolya is a t-t-t-terrible m-m-man. Y-y-you m-m-mother m-m-may h-h-have k-k-killed th-th-those p-p-people. B-b-b-but sh-sh-she r-r-regretted it. Wh-wh-when my f-f-father k-k-killed p-p-people h-h-h-he en-en-en-j-j-joyed it. T-t-torturing in-in-in-inocent people f-f-feel al-l-live. H-h-h-he m-m-made m-m-me t-t-torture p-p-people.” He winced. Skye looked in his eyes and could a few tears dropping from his eyes. He stepped back letting his hand break away from her grip. “Pl-pl-please l-l-leave b-b-before y-y-you d-d-don’t w-w-want t-t-to b-b-be a-a-around m-m-me. S-s-so pl-pl-please g-g-go. I-I-I l-l-like y-y-you I d-d-don’t w-w-want y-y-you t-t-to be h-h-hurt b-b-by m-m-me. I al-al-already s-s-said t-t-too m-m-much.”

Rowan suddenly sounded like Grant. His story sounded like Grant’s and just like Grant he was pushing her away. Except this time while Grant pushed her away because he was selfish and rather shut people out, Rowan pushed her away because he didn’t want her to get her. Selfishness vs. Selflessness. 

But something in Skye, maybe it was the bits of her father in her, saw this beautiful stranger and wanted to help him.She didn’t want him to feel this way. She didn’t know if she was drawn to him or it was because she had been so many times by elders and people she cared about she didn’t want him to feel what he did. Even if his father did make him torture people and seemed to be a bigger douchebag than John Garrett, she wanted to at least be his friend. And there was something in his eyes that told her that he wanted to be her friend, he was just scared of what she would think of him.

She gently put her hand on his face. She remembered even before AC knew he was her father, he often did this to her when she was in distress. Fairly recently, when they went after Donnie Gill in the academy. Rowan closed his eyes for a minute almost if he was revelling the feel.

“Fine I’ll leave but before I go I am going to tell you you are NOT like your father,” Skye said with a smile on her face, “how do I know? I was having the crappiest day ever. And I just ran into you and you showed me the city and I was having an amazing time. You are sweet funny and whole host of other great things. Just by that alone it should tell you…..you are NOT him….and...um I don’t even know this guy but he seems like a total douchebag and I even think that. And the fact you fear becoming him and people are going to think you him breaks my heart.” Rowan opened his eyes for a moment, still they shined with tears his eyes, “I really like you and I want to be your friend. But you gotta trust me and I am offering you a chance to let me be your friend. Tonight at dinner, when I sit my friends Fitzsimmons I am offering you a spot. If you come great if not…..then I know. It was nice meeting you Rowan.” 

She slowly and surely brought her hand to her side. She almost missed the feel of his smooth skin beneath her fingers. But maybe….if he trusted her….she could feel it again. She reluctantly turned heels and walked out of the library. Part of her hoped he would come. And part of her knew her dreams were going to be dashed….

And in all honesty she would be more devastated if this two minute relationship flattered than that of hers and Grant Ward’s.

* * *

“Let me tell you a bit about this guy,” Fitz said with a grin, as he wrapped his arm around Mack’s, as he called himself, shoulder. It was almost surprising considering how big and broad Mack was compared to Fitz, almost as that of a gentle giant, he was able to wrap it around both shoulders. “This doesn’t even know me for two minutes, and I drop my stuff in the lab out of nervousness, comes with the Autism mother often said, and my Ghengis Kahn, of a boss yelled at me….this guy defended me. And then installed a video console in the ancients version of a television. Wanna know a secret?” He leaned in close to Skye and Jemma and whispered loudly, “he’s awesome.”

“Look I am really glad you consider me your good friend now,” Mack said with a small yet humble grin, “But I am type of guy who believes everyone is a human being, and deserves to be treated as such. Even though…..I have to admit...I kinda feel bad for our boss, he obviously lacks confidence by acting like a bully.”

“I think he’s kind of adorable,” Jemma said with her eyes shining with joy, “he was polite when he first met and when I came in with tea he was quite, happy to see me even though he was self conscious that there were lemons in the tea as he is allergic to citrus. Actually...I think he likes me too. See now you don’t have to feel bad at staring Darcy’s ass.”

“Jemma I know we established we other partners while we were together, cause I said we’re end game,” Fitz said reaching for his drink, “and you can go anyone you want, but him….he’s obnoxious….ghastly you can do so much better than him. Hell even…” His voice deepened to his imitation, “brooding Grant Ward….who is hiding in the shadows while he angsts over his evil Hydra ex boss.”

Jemma laughed as she put her hand on Fitz’s shoulder. Even Mack cracked a small smile at Fitz’s funny imitation. But she noticed that Skye didn’t laugh. She instead was withdrawn, constantly looking behind her. 

“Skye you usually laugh at Fitz’s jokes,” Jemma said. She rested her hand on Skye’s shoulder. The usually bubbly girl made a small smile, but it wasn’t of it’s usual exuberance, She was obviously upset about something. “Is it Ward? I told you it was a bad idea to go someone like him. Especially now when he’s hiding away in his room.”

“Oh he’s not hiding alone,” Skye sighed, “he already found the one person from his past and did a 360 degree turnaround.” 

“It must have been that girl walking Atlantis looking for him,” Jemma said looking at Fitz before turning her head back to her friend, “Skye you must be so devastated.”

“I am not devastated about Ward at this point,” Skye said picking up the fork and playing with the food on her tray, “I knew our relationship was going to fail. But...I met someone else. Tall, handsome, but he’s got quite a past. He showed me the city and we had a good time. Then mom said something after she was pissed off at her meeting or some shit like that and it opened a whole can of words. He’s a bit self conscious of himself. I mean his dad’s a fucked up version of Darth Vader. Anyway I invited him over to sit with us….but I doubt he’s coming.”

“Ex-ex-ex-excuse is y-y-y-your of-of-ofer to s-s-sit w-w-with y-y-you and y-y-your fr-fr-friends st-st-still stand?” A voice said.

Skye smiled as she turned her head behind her. There was Rowan standing just as tall and politely with a smile on his. Collectively Fitzsimmons’s eyes widened in shock and wonder. 

“Rowan you came!” Skye said with a smile, “of course you are welcome to sit here.”

“Oh my god he…” Jemma said tapping Fitz’s shoulder, “he looks like that guy from GLEE!”

“He would definitely win in a dead ringer contest that’s for sure,” Fitz added.

“Y-y-y-you b-b-both m-m-must b-b-be F-F-Fitzsimmons ,” Rowan said letting out a hand. Fitz took it firmly and shook it, he then turned his head over to Mack and smiled and let him shake his hand as well, “A-a-and wh-what’s y-y-your n-n-name.”

“Alphonso Mackenzie,” Mack said with a grin as he let go, “pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Jemma added with a grin, “any friend of Skye’s is a friend of ours. What’s your name?”

Rowan looked over to Skye for a moment. Considering her parents reacted the moment he heard his name, he wondered if Fitzsimmons as Skye referred them to would react the same way.

“Hey,” Skye whispered in his ear, “It’s okay Fitzsimmons like the chillest people ever. As long as you are not HYDRA, they’ll accept you and Mack I barely know him he seems like a friendly accepting guy. Fitz thinks hes like hot shit.”

He slowly smiled and nodded his head. Yes it was true, he barely knew Skye. But he trusted her, after all even after everything he told her in the brief moment before this she seemed to have….trusted him. 

“It’s R-R-Rowan….R-R-Rowan K-K-Kolya,” He said shyly.

“Wait Kolya as in Acastus Kolya,” Fitz said tilting his head. “Rodney was cursing him as if he were the fucking devil. Is he your father or something?”

Immediately Rowan tensed he feared the worst, Skye had thought. Lord knows how many things had came her way the moment he said his last name. Disgust, shock? God knew what words people said to him and how many damn people walked away thinking Rowan was just like the monster his father was.

“I-I-I a-a-am-m-m n-n-not-t l-l-like h-h-him if, if, if th-th-that’s wh-wh-what y-y-you are th-th-that’s wh-wh-what y-you ar-ar-are th-th-thinking,” Rowan said, the stutter he had became more violent. Skye figured it as a sign he was nervous. She noticed it happened everytime he did talk about his father or the subject of his father was brought up.

She leaned over to say something. But someone spoke for him, a large hand rested on his forearm. And suddenly she knew the reason why Fitz thought Mack was hot shit. Skye saw a sympathetic look in his eyes.

“Woah, woah, calm down there,” Mack said calmly squeezing his forearm, “Though this Kolya guy sounds like a real piece of shit…I barely know you, but I am a good judge of character. You seem to be a nice guy. Really I am not saying it to calm you down but you the fact you came here introduced yourself, made sure you introduced yourself to me too, that spoke volumes to me. I can already tell you are a good guy.”

“Listen to Mack he’s a good guy,” Fitz said patting Mack on the shoulder again. 

“S-s-s-so y-y-you g-g-guys d-d-don’t c-c-care th-th-that I am r-r-r-related t-t-to a b-b-bad g-g-guy,” Rowan asked raising an eyebrow. Besides Colonel Sheppard, they were the first people not to run hearing the sound of his name. In fact they still smiled at him, and telling him he was okay. No signs of repulsion or fear.

“Rowan dear,” Jemma added resting her hand on Rowan’s shoulder, “we care as much that your dad is as Fitz’s new boss called the devil and probably some evil alien war lord as much as we care that Fitz is the bastard son of Tony Stark also known as Iron Man.”

“Though I don’t want that to be the only thing you know about me,” Fitz added, “I mean I like monkeys and psychics too you know.”

“We know Fitz I am making a point,” Jemma said leaning forward looking in interest, “we are not interested about who is your father, but what I am interested in is what is like for you to grow up in space? On another planet for that matter.”

As Jemma began talking over a mile per minute asking her questions, ranging from what his people were like, their technology, the terrain and if they had any weird biological specs, Skye leaned over to Rowan.

“So…” She whispered. “What did I tell you?”

Rowan simply reached his free hand over to Skye and rested it over hers. 

“Th-th-thank y-y-you f-f-for b-b-being p-p-patient,” He said softly, “y-y-you r-r-really h-h-help m-m-my c-c-confidence and w-w-we w-w-will b-b-be g-g-good fr-fr-fr-friends.”

Skye only smiled as she squeezed his hand. In a city amongst the stars it was the beginning of something beautiful. And she swore, She was beginning to like this place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT TWO CHAPTERS: What happens at the meeting that made even the stoic Melinda May so Angry?


	5. settling in.....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and Melinda settle into their quarters and has a meeting with Doctor Weir over the threats of the galaxy. During this Melinda learns John had suffered a traumatic experience during his travels and empthasizes with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR ALL THE KUDOS AND BOOKMARKS YOUR SUPPORT HELPS
> 
> Remember Kudos and Comments are love

Melinda softly folded her her clothes on the bed. She, other than a few sentimental items, cosmetics, didn’t carry much attire wise. She only had a few clothes for separate occasions. A dress for formal event, her favorite pantsuit she decided to wear today as they walked came to Atlantis (to look formal, or an unconscious form of revenge), an exercise outfit for working out, pajamas, a couple of casual outfits lingerie, and her SHIELD uniform, though she suspected she would be trading it in for the Atlantis required uniform. Before Bahrain, when she was off the field what she wore was important to her down to her shoes.

And then just like everything….that became subdued as well. The clothes on the bed with neutral shades such as black, white and gray were a far cry from the bright colored shirts and dresses she wore to match her colorful personality. Personality muted, colors muted. A weird cliche.

She sighed deeply and placed everything in the drawer. She would place the trinkets she brought around the room around the room later. 

With everything on her mind….she needed a distraction and her usual Tai-Chi was not going to help. So Melinda, walked into small living room where Phil was neatly setting up his set of memorabilia he carried with him around the room.

He was still dressed up knowing they had to leave within the next couple of moments for their meeting. But his suit jacket was off sleeves rolled up, making himself look a little more comfortable as he set up the small room like it was home, complete with his glasses he only wore during more intimate moments. He stacked his collection of Captain America comics on the dresser by his bed when he looked up at her with a grin.

“Remember….in the Academy,” Phil said reaching for his bag pulling out a few items of memorabilia as he spoke, action figures, a gadget or two, trinkets he couldn’t part with from home, “that one year they accidently roomed us together despite Coeds weren’t allowed….we were so happy. Every night….we would watch Star Wars even though we could quote the damn movie.” He paused to pull out the Star Wars, DVD boxset he brought from home. “We’d do our homework together. And sometimes….we would pull together the beds and just talk all night.” Melinda couldn’t help but smile at the memory folding her arms over her chest and looking to the ground. This was before everything, this was before the baby who would find her way back to them 23 years after the fact, Bahrain, their separate relationships…..Coulson’s death tore them apart. She love to think about them, it was true. But at the same time it did hurt to think about it, knowing they’d never be the same way again, “this lasted about a three weeks before we were caught. I remember how upset you were….but we still managed to have our sleepovers sometimes more often than most…”

Melinda sighed. If only to be like that again. If only to be young and stupid.

“Nostalgia's fine Phil,” she said walking in the room, “I like to deal with reality.”

Phil smiled. 

“This is reality,” He said as he reached into his bag and pulled out one of those dolls with the big heads and big black eyes in the form of Captain America. Melinda looked down and grinned. She brought it for the birthday after his resurrection. "We are bunking together just like in the academy." He looked up at her and smiled, his gaze meeting hers, "You seem to enjoy the idea....who knows….maybe we can spend some more time doing something fun for once….since we haven’t really had the chance to talk about something other than kids and….” He was quiet for a moment before he swallowed: “my death and resurrection.”

Melinda slowly sat on the pull out bed. She immediately felt the mattress shifting beneath her. The springs and the mold fitting to her liking. She knew everything on Atlantis was controlled by thought. Sometimes by a special gene. She, Skye and Phil were tested positive for this gene, as was Simmons, Romanoff and Triplett. The rest had to be inoculated with a less powerful form of the gene. She would be impressed, excited if there weren’t more pressing matters at hand. 

She placed her hand on his shoulder. Squeezing it for comfort. He turned turned to face her. His eyes still blue and vibrant even behind the lenses of his thick rimmed glasses. She had come to learn affection helped him at the moments he hit a low. Like now. His smile widened a little. He was surprised after revealing the secret she had kept from him and almost torn them apart, he was being so trustworthy. But this was a time of war...a time of turmoil, they needed each other to keep themselves from drowning.

With everything going on. Had she not been talking to him, touching him...if she was drowning in the ocean surrounding them she would had sunk to the ocean floor by now. 

“Feel the bed,” Phil said changing the subject, these days he wanted to avoid it as much, “It molds to your comfort level….maybe since you have the Gene, you could have John teach you to fly one of those Puddle Jumpers.”

Melinda frowned and suddenly this small yet short intimate moment between them became fowl with a sour taste in her mouth. It was enough she saw him again. It was enough he tried to start with Phil by bringing the most fucking terrible moment in his life. It was enough she was in the same proximity as him and now she was trying with her might not to find him and beat that smug look off his face. She moved her hand to rest it at her side, despite she revealed the feel of his shoulder beneath her fingers and didn’t want to let go, but Phil caught it squeezing it lightly.

She comforted him. Now he was comforting her.

“You are a strong woman Melinda Qiaolian May,” Phil said eyes narrowing slightly in comfort, “but you are not invincible…not that it’s a bad thing it makes you human. You are in close quarters with a man who was part of a terrible chapter in your life. Trust me….I don’t think Peggy Carter would be handle it as well.”

Melinda turned to look out the window. It was almost like she was piloting the bus over the ocean. Nothing but endless and sparkling blue with the sunlight hitting it causing it to sparkle with diamonds. Phil gently gripped her her face with his free hand and turned her to face him. His blue eyes gazing into hers with comfort and ease. His thumb feeling so good against her skin. 

“Melinda,” He said quietly. She closed her eyes for a moment letting the sound her voice relax her and calm her down make her forget about the big elephant trumping down the hallways, “I understand, if Audrey was here…” Melinda furrowed her brow. It wasn’t that she hated Audrey. It was after Phil died she became friends with her. They comforted each other knowing they how much they cared about one another. They laughed shared tea….shared a close bond. But when Phil was resurrected….she lied to the poor woman’s face. It was almost better she probably thought she was dead amongst the wreckage. “I’d be uncomfortable too.”

Melinda opened her eyes. The words seemed surprising. Audrey seemed kind….forgiving. She was sure she would forgive him. Why would he be uncomfortable?

“But Audrey is not like John,” Melinda said.

“I know Melinda,” Phil leaned back a little knowing it was awkward talking about her as he was acting tender and intimate with her. His hand moved from her face but the hand that hers so it could remain where it belonged on his shoulder, his thumb moved in small reassuring circles in a tender manner, “but I still lied to her. I made her believe I was dead. I could have gone back to her. I could have told her the truth….I could have ran into her arms and held her close and tell her everything was okay but I never had the courage. Even if I did….nothing is ever going to be the same between us. I will look at her and remember how I hurt her…..I think it’s better if she didn’t know I was alive. I have baggage.”

“So do I,” Melinda said looking ahead of her, “More baggage than I think you actually know.”

Phil chuckled as he looked down at the floor at his shoes. The black loafers contrasting beautifully to the silver and shiny floors beneath them. 

“Yes we both have baggage,” Phil said before lifting his head up to look at Melinda with a grin on his face, “I guess thats why we work together well. We fit like two pieces to a Puzzle. And we’ll get through this together.” He squeezed her hand and smiled. 

Melinda could have stayed in that room with him forever as the world crumbled and fell apart. Just the the two of them gazing longingly into each others eyes as the world fell and chaos ensued. It was the first time she felt a sense of calm in a time of absolute uncertainty and fucking chaos. But there was a faint beeping of an alarm. Phil sighed deeply and removed his hand from hers and stood up.

It almost felt odd not having her presence there. 

“Time to face the wolves,” Melinda said quietly. She reached for his jacket and handed it to him before he put it on his shoulders. He let out a hand and helped her to her feet.

“You’ll do fine,” Phil said, “as long as I do all the talking and there’s no eye contact.”

“Are you sure about that?” Melinda inquired.

“We’re in a meeting with professionals,” He said, “What could possibly go wrong?”

* * *

“Just like the old days huh?” Clint said leaning back in the chair. The masterclass archer never exactly had great meeting etiquette. Melinda remembered in the old days when Phil was Clint’s S.O. Nick Fury would had to constantly take etiquette classes because Barton’s laid back personality would cause a disruption at Field briefings. Whether it be slouching in his seat or munching on potato chips he would act in the most unprofessional manner ever. Eventually once Clint Barton became higher in rank amongst the Avengers, he was able to get away with it. “Except you didn’t wear glasses.”

Like now, his feet was on the table. Chair was pushed back as far as it could go. His hands rested behind his head pressing against the spine of the wheelie armchair. Natasha compared to him was in a more professional matter. She stood up straight hands resting on the table. Despite she was worn from her ordeal with Captain America, her face was poised with some amount of confidence she usually had when at meetings.

“Yup you still haven’t learned your manners have you Hawkeye?” Phil said raising an eyebrow. Melinda turned her eyes towards him. His hands were rested neatly on the table tapping nervously on the palms. “The glasses were an optional part of the attire. I am still a bit queasy from my trip through the gate, I knew the contacts would be a bit more comfortable.”

 

“I bet Melinda likes that look,” Natasha said with a wink. Melinda had been Natasha’s S.O. since day one. She watched her grow up from the spy who blindly followed orders from her days in the red room to an unexpected hero. Melinda couldn’t help but smirk even if it was in front of Phil. It was sort of an inside joke between them. Melinda would ask questions about Clint and she turned onto her and Phil’s relationship as a form of denial. When Natasha became more comfortable with her feelings for Clint, the denial stopped. But every now and then she would joke about how close the two Agents were. 

“Very funny Agent Romanoff,” Melinda said sarcastically.

“Seriously though have you two fondued again yet,” Clint said bluntly. He leaned forward over his outstretched legs to reach for the water bottle on the table. “Considering you have a daughter you obviously fondued once.”

“Are you seriously using Roger’s ridiculous term for sex?” Natasha said raising an eyebrow at Clint.

“Yes,” Clint said unscrewing the cap of the bottle before taking a sip of his water, “it’s funny….” He placed the bottle back on the table and once again returned to his longing position, “so you didn’t rekindle a lost torrid romance? Considering you know…..died….I am surprised you didn’t Fondue like futzing rabbits.”

“Clint….I am sure during one of your etiquette classes you learned that you are not supposed to talk about sex during meetings,” Phil said with his face turning red. He had sex before. But he was still awkward on the subject. Especially well, he turned his head and gave Melinda and awkward grin and looked at Clint. 

“What about exes?” Clint inquired he moved out of his longing position. Melinda’s jaw tensed. She often had a sixth sense when it came to the possible intentions of others and she knew the exact words he was going to say. “You and John? What was the extent of the relationship?” There was a long pause as she could feel the small grin slipping from her face. “I mean he is dating my Cousin. I need to know if he is a dick or not. Family is important me Mels….I ain't gonna have her be hurt by some asshole.” 

Melinda could see at the corner of her eye Phil going into her defense, but she quietly moved to rest her hand on top of his wrist in a way to tell him to calm down.

“It’s none of your business Barton,” Melinda said calmly, “something happened in the past it’s over and done with.” She paused it was true, she knew there was a bond between John and Elizabeth. A romantic bond. She saw those sideways glances. The way John smiled when he looked at her. There was love. She felt slightly sorry for the woman. She seemed like a nice woman with good morals and a good head on her shoulders. It would be a shame if she had to experience what Melinda had to with him. But it wasn’t her responsibility to tell her. She would have to learn it herself. “I am sure John is kind to her….I moved on...and I am happy for him.” 

“Ladies and gentleman,” Elizabeth walked in with a folder in crook in her arm. Behind her the “We hope to make this meeting is quick. It shouldn’t take more than an hour. As representatives of the S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers respectively you are their leaders. I thought you both should learn of these threats in our galaxy first so you could each tell your party what to expect when they go off world within the next several days. Anyway we have three major threats-” 

John followed slowly and surely. Melinda held her gaze on him for a moment he walked in the same cool nonchalant motion. Hands in his pockets as he took his seat across from Elizabeth across the table. It was only inches away from her. Melinda took a sharp breath quickly let go of Phil’s wrist and folded her hands on the table. She wasn’t going to get angry, she wasn’t going to get mad. She could see his gaze piercing into her at the corner of her eye. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths through her nose and mouth. It was like doing Tai Chi but she wasn’t on the mats. She drowned out Elizabeth's voice just for the moment to relax.

Suddenly she felt Phil’s familiar comforting hand move gently down her arm. It settled on the top of her palm. She opened her eyes and saw Phil’s eyes gazing comfortingly and understandingly at hers. He leaned in slowly.

“If you need to look at me during this meeting do it,” He whispered in her ear, “I’ll fill you in if you need me to.”

“Agent Coulson, Agent May,” Elizabeth said with a gentle smile, “Since you are new I will let this slide but we have rules of professionalism here.” She eyes shifted over to John who was smirking, raising her eyebrow before shifting back to Phil and Melinda, “We made a rule since it could be distracting during meetings that we don’t have any sort of well personal interactions between expedition members.”

“I would be all over you if that was the case,” John mused quietly. Humor. That was always John’s coping mechanism. If he didn’t want to face a nasty scenario, such as Melinda herself, he would just make a snarky comment to make himself feel better. 

“Oy that’s my cousin I don’t wanna hear that shit,” Clint said. Natasha only rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Doctor Weir,” Phil said quietly he as he looked at Elizabeth. His hand never left it’s place as if it was a bird that had settled into its nest, “I don’t like to get into personal manners but in this case I will. I had a rather difficult situation with aliens. You probably read it in my file. Seeing Aliens may trigger my anxiety. Sometimes I come to find affection really helps me ease the anxiety so if you don’t mind….I would like to be holding Melinda’s hand throughout this...because after all….Fury assigned her to take care of me.”

Melinda could see the look of the subtle look of disgust on John’s face. He was always a hard man to read. Sometimes his laid back and chill personality was only a mask to hide days of anger where he self pitied himself to no end. But his emotions were always a sign of weakness for him. For him it was be happy or not feel at all. 

She wanted to squeeze Phil’s hand. Holding it had been her lifeline throughout this process in a city with a man she didn’t want to be around. Had she not been holding it she probably would have lost her mind in some way or another or snapped as she did amidst the ashes of Bahrain. But she couldn’t she had to keep her cover, that Phil was the one who needed the comfort not her.

There was a slight truth to his statement. Melinda did feel worry about Phil and how he was going to react to extraterrestrial lifeforms. One of them caused his violent, brutal and bloody death. The other brought him life at the cost of madness, doubt and whole host of other woes. He was even jumpy talking to Ronon and Teyla, feeling though they were friendly going to attack him just as Loki did with his staff. Who knows what they were going to look like? And who knows how violent they were going to be. 

He squeezed her hand gently and smiled. But already Melinda could tell there was a massive hint of nervousness in his small smile. 

“Very well we will continue on the condition you both don’t make it a distraction,” Elizabeth said Phil softly nodded his head and Elizabeth opened her folder. She pulled out a few pieces of paper and placed them on the table. Each were laid in three neat little packets, “Because of the Wraith...we don’t have many dangerous groups out there….but along with the Wraith we have two more. And we will go through each of them for the least severe to the most severe.” 

The lights dimmed and the screen lit up. Phil gave an impressed grin as he looked around the room. Of course, Melinda bemused to herself as she looked up at the screen. The place was full of gadgets that made S.H.I.E.L.D.’s technology look like something out of the paleolithic era and with useless as weapons as a stick. The first picture that came up were a picture of men in uniforms ready to attack and were on the prowl. A bearded man stood in front leading the group. Surrounding them were burning villages. It was like something one would see out of typical movie surrounding the events of Vietnam. 

“The first one John will be taking the on this one,” Elizabeth said. John curled his fist for a moment as he looked up at her. First inference Melinda had thought, John must have direct conflict with them, “he has more direct experience with them.”

“More than than I would like,” John said leaning back against his chair. He was starting to get nervous. Biting his lip. Tapping his foot wildly on the ground, fingers digging into the silver table they were the sure fire sign he was he was nervous about something. “They’ve been a thorn in our side since the beginning of this expedition. They were original an advanced coalition. But the wraith attacks devastated them and they were forced underground. Now they have come up with a way to fool the Wraith from thinking they are not as advanced as they seem. So when you originally meet them they pose as farmers…”

“Something tells me these fuckers are gonna make me the assassin who farms for a hobby,” Clint began with a deep sigh. Surprisingly he was sitting in a bit more of an appropriate position, still leaning back but with his feet off the table. “As average as Chanticler.” 

“Really Clint...your farm jokes are getting old,” Natasha said quietly, “and Chanticleer's a rooster….if you actually watched Rockadoodle you would know that.” 

“Kids I am talking,” John said raising his hands flashing what for the first time since Melinda saw him enter the room a true smile. Natasha only elbowed him lightly. Clint stuck out his tongue lightly. 

“You got to admit,” Phil whispered in Melinda’s ear quietly, “They make you feel young again. He really does bring out the best in each other.” 

Melinda nodded her head and looked ahead of the room back on the screen. It was the first time she actually managed to make eye contact with Elizabeth Weir being slightly avoiding when she entered the city. She smiled at her a little, Melinda smiled back lightly. If she knew….what happened between her and John at least she was being civil. 

“As I was saying they make themselves look like farmers,” John said waving his hand. Another trick he was using to mask his typical unease, “But in truth they have guns, they have computers and they nucular weapons probably not as powerful enough to sink Hawaii but pretty powerful enough. We originally encountered the Genii when we had a shortage of food, in hopes we would trade with them and discovered their secret….I am not going to get into details but we pissed them off. The former Chief of the Genii, Chief Cowan retailed by send twice sending this asshole.”

“Try using appropriate language John,” Elizabeth said as she pushed a button. Suddenly the image of the screen changed, “I know how much you hate Commander Kolya.” The moment Elizabeth said the name Commander Kolya, John gulped. He sat up straight taking a few deep breaths through his mouth. Melinda for a moment turned towards him and question filled her mind. Did this “Commander Kolya” ill him in some way? Either so. For a moment she felt concern and felt silly for a moment for doing because she knew that if the tables had turned he would never do the same for her. “But we are in a meeting with new people...even though my cousin here seems to forget that.”

“Believe me,” Clint said pointing his finger over to Phil who gave him a look, “This fucker tried to get to me…..but still hasn’t...that’s okay with me. I do enough for S.H.I.E.L.D.” Clint said with a grin, “Somethings that are more embarrassing to even mention. I think I am allowed to be a prick at meetings when I am allowed to be.”

“Can I finish what I was saying?” John asked furrowing his brow a bit. There was a hint of impatience in his voice. Clint opened his mouth to say another word. But Natasha hummed and pointed the screen. 

The picture had changed. This time it was a picture of a single man. He was dressed in the same uniforms as the men in the first picture, except this time more military regalia on his attire. He had a goatee. And despite the small cocky grin on his face, the way he looked at the viewer even caused Melinda to feel uneasy. In way he made Grant Ward even during his most vicious of rages look like a fucking harmless little puppy. Suddenly Phil squeezed her hand. This time even tighter.

“He reminds me of Garrett,” Phil whispered slightly. 

The words sent anger burning through Melinda’s body. Melinda always thought John Garrett was an ass, from the days they were in the Academy making stupid and false stories about his fake adventures, to the day he had the nerve to come on to their bus, lie their faces. And Not to mention, without even directly directing causing turned Grant one of the most skilled of their agents who did like well, like John to hide his mask, made him angry, unfocused, unpleasant to be around. But the mere fact he had Phil, the man who his friend, well supposed to be his friend tortured just so he could know what happened in T.A.H.I.T.I.

But just as she used it to put her anger against the man who ruined her life and turned it upside down aside, she was going to use it on Garrett. Her hate fu, she often called it. Melinda turned him and placed her free hand on his arm. Hoping her touch can give him extra comfort. 

“But Garrett’s not here,” Melinda said quietly running her fingers in small patterns. Back when they were together...she often did this to him after a rather difficult mission . Sometimes she did it to them when they were in bed together. She would do it until she drifted off to sleep. Phil closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths though they were sharp and ragged. She made a mental note to herself now that they were sharing a room together to teach him some Tai Chi to help his breathing, “he’s never going to come here. It’s going to be difficult-”

“That includes you two,” John said sharply narrowing his eyes in annoyance now. Elizabeth took a sharp breath. Eyes telling him to leave it alone and focus on the task at hand.

And Melinda found herself putting her hate-fu into good use. 

“Commander Acastus Kolya...former Military head of the Genii...why I say former you’ll see later,” John said his fist beginning to curl. Melinda wouldn’t have been surprised if he had punched through the screen. He had often done that when he was angry and she wouldn’t be surprised if he had did it again. “Cowen had sent him to try to take over the city and kill Elizabeth.” Elizabeth reached for the water and took a few sips of her drinks. Melinda bowed her head in sympathy. Everyone had different coping mechanisms. “….of course he failed thanks to me.” For moment a self satisfied grin came on his face before fading again. “Ever since he had it out for me and this team. A year ago Cowen was overthrown, except Kolya had disagreed with the current leader Ladon Radim we have ties with.”

The picture of Commander Kolya eased over to the side and another picture moved to it’s side. Compared to Commander Kolya he looked kinder, more just and fair, but at the same time there was a bit of a mischievous smile, telling Melinda at least at that he was someone who couldn’t be trusted.

“There are now two fractions to the Genii,” John said. He was trying to keep his cool now. He looked like he was ready to fucking slam his fist into the screen. “Ladon’s and Commander Kolya’s. Kolya’s side is much more dangerous. And much more….” He paused he took a deep breath and looked at Elizabeth. 

“I’ll take it from here,” Elizabeth said giving John a sincere guise. His tension eased a little but it wasn’t enough. His knuckles were so tense they were white from the lack of circulation, “of the two…..Acastus Kolya is the most dangerous...

“Maybe you should ask if he is okay?” Phil whispered in Melinda’s ear, causing her to look away from the screen and back at him, “It will take away the tension away from this situation a little.” Melinda looked away and at John. His breathing was a bit heavier now. She still hated him, but god did read her well. She felt sorry for John. Phil squeezed her hand pretending he was still upset and shocked. She slowly and hesitantly leaned towards John.

“Are you alright?” Melinda whispered to him. John turned his head towards her. There was a slight look of surprise on his face. After all it was quite unexpected that she was reaching out to see if he was okay. 

“Pay attention to Elizabeth,” John snarled pouring himself a glass of water. 

Melinda wasn’t quite surprised at his reaction either. He always snapped when someone had reached out to be kind to him. 

“We have recently aquired a person onto our expedition who not only gave us intel into Kolya’s military strategies and his personal life,” Elizabeth said, she shuffled through some papers. Both pictures of Ladon and Commander Kolya had disappeared. Instead a young man no older than 25 appeared on the screen. Compared to the other two, he looked kinder, more well kempt. Not even his eyes, which were brown and dark and shaped like Commander Kolya’s , showed a hint of menancingness in his body. What struck Melinda was his warm and welcoming smile. Coming from what was considered a military race it was rather surprising he seemed rather welcoming, “Genii Private Rowan Kolya, aged 24. He is one of three illegitimate children of Commander Kolya. The other two remained loyal to Ladon Radim. Rowan remained working for his father despite lifelong tension between them. Until, a nasty argument had Rowan escaping from his father’s clutches and coming for us. Rowan, despite many psychological issues, has provided us valuable information against his father and he in addition to Teyla Emmagan remain value with working with many alien races.”

“And you trust him,” Natasha said tilting her head to the side, “Are you worried he is just doing it to be a spy for his father?”

“Does Clint and S.H.I.E.L.D. trust you after your past in the KGB Agent Romanoff?” Elizabeth responded looking at her.

“Point taken,” Natasha answered, briefly squeezing Clint’s hand before putting it back on the table as she bowed her head towards Phil and Melinda.

“We hope with Rowan’s help we can defeat Commander Kolya,” Elizabeth said looking up at the screen. “Actually, Clint.” Clint leaned forward in his chair resting one elbow on the table. “He could use a friend like you. Rowan unfortunately in addition to his anxiety and slower development, has terrible a terrible speech impediment which was one of the many reasons why the relationship with his father was so tense, a role model who is older and wiser and had his struggles with disabilities...and what did you say about your deafness?”

“Are you seriously putting me in the spotlight?” Clint had said raising an eyebrow before huffing a little jokingly, “I kicked Deafness’ ass.” John couldn’t help but laugh at that. Elizabeth looked relieved that the tension that had surged through John’s body. “Sure I’ll be friends with him. He seems like a pretty nice guy.” 

“He is,” Elizabeth responded before pushing to the side the pile of stuff to the side, “A lot of people on this expedition like him despite his father’s name makes himself conscious. Now moving on.” The image of Rowan disappeared and the screen was blank, “The next one I am going to go quick. We have no images of the next group of people but despite the fact they have not attacked in the Pegasus Galaxy like the Genii and the wraith and the Genii had but they are just as if not more dangerous than them. I, myself had a terrible experience with them a couple of months ago.” 

“You need me to take this one for you darling?” John said as for the first time since the meeting began gave her a sincere grin. It was time Melinda noticed that he was much different around Elizabeth. He was kinder, gentler, more concerned. His eyes was on her as if she was the only living thing in the universe and the people surrounding him were only illusions. Melinda knew he never gave her that look, and do would never do so. She didn’t know what to feel realizing this. Did she feel jealous? Happy for him he finally found someone? Concerned for Elizabeth that this was only a ruse she really had no idea. But Melinda turned to Phil, whose hand was still linked in hers perfectly and realized…..as much as she loved it and was concerned about it because somedays she worried she would have him and she would lose him….he gave gave her what John would never do so. And that….mattered to her and at least gave her the drive to let John and Elizabeth have their special bond.

“No John I got this,” Elizabeth responded, “But thank you. I have have told you a thousand times John that is better to face your fears by talking about it rather than putting it to the side and letting it fester like a wond. It will only blow over in the end.”

“Melinda says that to me all the time,” Phil said raising his free hand towards Melinda. “The things this woman got out of me when I was tense. You wouldn’t even imagine but I usually feel better saying it.”

“That sounds very dirty boss,” Clint said. Phil mouthed “really Clint.”

Ignoring Clint’s comment, Elizabeth’s again gaze met Melinda’s. Melinda was still pleasantly surprised about how friendly Elizabeth was being towards her considering the tension between her and John. But if she was able to tolerate John and let what was probably her sworn enemy’s son inhabit the city and help them fight a powerful and dangerous man, then she was the type of woman who would anyone near her home and be friend. 

Melinda had a great respect for people like that, and made it a point that no matter what tensions will rise between her and John within the next couple of days settling into the city (or maybe if something exploded during the meeting), she will try to be kind and respect Elizabeth because she was a rare type of woman. 

“Well you know the saying Agent May,” Elizabeth said her kind smile still flashing towards the other woman. John began to look frustrated at this. Fears that if the two women were to become friends, he could lose Elizabeth if words were mentioned that could compromise their relationship. John’s mouth remained shut, in a tight line. Not here. “Great minds think alike.”

“At least she seems to like you,” Phil whispered again “not many women could get along with the ex. I give her a lot of credit.”

“Don’t worry Phil,” Melinda replied assuming that meant that he feared that Melinda was not going to be so open to her kindness, “I give her a lot of credit as well.”

“Now as I was saying,” Elizabeth said looking back at her files, “the technical term for Asurans, as they are a separate race. But we call them Replicators because they have the ability due to their nanite technology are able to reproduce by means of replication. The ancients that inhabited this city had created the replicators in order to fight the wraith. However they became more advanced. It is like a story where robot breaks off their creatures. Because they have minds, feelings are like humans they broke off with their creators and created a race of their own.”

Elizabeth deep breath and swallowed. John who kept his eyes on Elizabeth as she spoke mouthed asking her if she needed a moment. She only shook her head and with a brave front continued to speak. Something that Melinda something that shifted her features to a person who was just simply listening to a person with pure and utter respect. She was strong. Stronger than her in some aspect.

“These beings have the ability to mess with your minds,” Elizabeth softly, “read your thoughts, make you see things that aren’t there, play with your memories. My incident with them, included a whole elaborate hallucination that Atlantis never had existed. I found myself in a mental hospital with people including my mother saying I was deemed insane. Luckily thanks to Colonel Sheppard I was able to get out of it.” 

Suddenly what was a gentle squeeze on Melinda’s hand before became a hard vice grip. Messing with memories. Making him see he what wasn’t there. Make the process of his revival seem as easy as a simple trip on an island in TAHITI. Masking all the torture and dismay that had come with it. The memories had begun flooding back It frightened him that people….actual beings were able to warp with his mind. She could hear him breathing heavily. His jaw tightened. 

Unconsciously she could feel her hand moving, inches away away from his face. She wanted to touch his face. Feel his smooth skin beneath her fingers if it eased his mind. Realizing she was in a meeting and John’s eyes looking to her in scrutiny waiting to make a comment to get her into trouble.…...she quickly moved her hand away to rest it on his shoulder down his back to move in small reassuring circles. 

“Do you need a moment Agent Coulson?” Elizabeth asked looking at him in in concern. 

Melinda’s eyes moved to Elizabeth. Clint had told her she had learned to read lips from him. It was one of the many things skills Clint learned due to his lack of hearing from the tragic accident that took his hearing that he had passed down to Elizabeth. She mouthed the words “I got this.” Elizabeth nodded her head.

“Phil,” Melinda whispered in his ear, “there is no shame in getting out of the room if you need to.”

Phil shook his head and loosened his grip a little.

“I’m fine,” He whispered back. “Thank you….really.”

Phil gave her a small smile. Another hand rested over her own gently. 

“If everything is alright,” Elizabeth said looking through one last piece of paper, “we for now don’t have to worry about the Asurans. They have not attacked other worlds as Genii and the wraith do…..but due to their nature, we had to put them high on our threat list. But worry more about them.”

A new picture appeared on the screen. It was a green scary creature. Odd makeup on its face including lines and circles, almost like tribal makeup. It’s mouth was open and it’s teeth were sharp. Hair was long and white. Looking at it sent even chills down the usually stoic and fearless Melinda’s spine. The four newcomers in the room had varied in other reactions. The hand that was still on Phil’s back felt his muscles tense beneath her. Natasha sat up a bit straight. Melinda continued to run her hand down Phil’s back in small circles. 

Clint choked a little on his water. 

“Holy shit that thing is ugly,” Clint said blinking, “like completely utterly and disgustingly UGLY!.”

Natasha softly smacked him on the arm and pointed to the screen. Clint mouthed he was sorry and Elizabeth nodded her head in forgiveness and then turned her head back to the screen. It was then Melinda began to notice John...was beginning to tense up. And tense up badly. Even more so than he did when he started talking about commander Kolya.

“John I suggest you leave the room,” Elizabeth said calmly, the concern in her eyes was clearly obvious. 

John turned his head to look at Phil and Melinda. First he looked at Phil whose thumb moved in small circles on Melinda’s wrist and then at Melinda herself. Was he self conscious to show fear in fears of what the two of them would think of him? Probably understandable. He had been waiting for a fight since he walked into the room as did Melinda. Even though Melinda would rather sit in a room with John Garrett telling his erroneous stories than sit with John it did not mean she would have sympathy.

Melinda Qiaolian May knew well everyone was human and everyone was able to have flaws and fears. She even had her own with Bahrain and her occasional bouts of Anger. Melinda wanted to engage him. She wanted to tell him he didn’t have to prove anything to her and Phil. But instead she knew it would do no good. So she kept quiet and focused on Phil incase he started to panic over his near death experience again looking at these aliens. It was almost evident. 

“I’ll be fine,” John said quietly, “you were able to talk about the Asurans. I’ll be able to deal with the Wraith.”

Elizabeth didn’t fight it. She instead looked up to the screen at the green creature who looked like the Grinch and one of the inhabitants of Whoville had a child. She hesitated for moment waiting for John’s reaction. He only hummed a little as sign of telling her not to ask anymore. But there was a glint in her eye knowing she wasn’t so easily convinced. 

“I will also go quick with this one,” Elizabeth said, “The wraith, they are over 10,000 years old. They do not feed on regular food. But on humans. Their life force is what provides them substance.”

“Almost like Vampires?” Phil inquired. His fingers began crawling up and down Melinda’s wrist. Affection as usual was the only thing keeping him calm. It was always the case. With her, with Audrey. As long as it kept him from panicking and crying out, it was all find with Melinda. Besides it was helping her too.

“Exactly like vampires Agent Coulson,” Elizabeth replied, “they are the most feared in the Pegasus Galaxy.” She paused and another image flipped. Hundreds of ships were in the air. A village was burning and there people running looking panicked. Some women were holding children to their chests, “They usually attack with hundreds of ships and sometimes thousands of people are taken in a single attack.”

“Kinda like Hydra,” Natasha said narrowing her eyes at the chaotic scene in front of her.

“Exactly like your HYDRA lives off the terror of human beings and destroys them when they are deemed too powerful,” Elizabeth said, “except they don’t kill you quickly once they have you on their ship. They can keep you alive for days….months and they could slowly suck you dry.”

It was silent for a moment. Only the sound of heavy breathing coming from John. Melinda’s eyes fixated on John once more. Before when he was talking about Commander Kolya, John seemed angry. But this time there was a look of pure panic on his face. His hazel eyes were wide, the size of planets. His mouth was opened in a wordless gasp. He fidgeted as he looked up at the picture. Fingernails scratching into the table. And his face was sickly white and pale. As much as he tried to put on his typical mask…..he was frightened.

It quickly brought Melinda to the one conclusion. It all made sense. John had something just as traumatising that happened to him, as it happened to Melinda in Bahrain. She didn’t want to feel sympathy. He never did have any for her. When Melinda had her “Spells” John ran for the hills and yet it was often in her nature to treat others the way she would have wanted to be treated just the same. She felt sorry. She wanted to help him and knows no matter how much Melinda wanted to object what her heart was telling her to do, this may have been better in the long run.

They didn’t have to be in love again. Clearly her heart was held by the man sitting next to her and holding her hand, and happened to be the father of her daughter. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t at least start to mend things as long as John was willing to accept. 

“The feeding process,” Melinda asked.

Elizabeth perked up her head immediately. She kept shifting her gaze once to the Melinda and then to John…and she kept going back and forth like a tennis ball. She was waiting for a reaction from either of them. Mostly John. This was something that would make him want to quickly get up and storm out of the room.

But for a moment John looked into her eyes and saw….a tiny bit of sympathy that had lied there. He looked down at his hands and back into Melinda’s eyes. John swallowed as he looked into her 

“Yeah…..like hell,” He said with his voice that cracked as he spoke. 

“John has….” Elizabeth said, the exuberance in her voice had died off a little, “first hand experience with the Wraith….we have a video feeding which I will be showing you.” She paused and looked at John, “We with had an incident with Commander Kolya...you’ll see in the video. While we are on the subject John I suggest you leave the room for this one until-”

“No,” John said harshly. Elizabeth opened his mouth to object but he spoke for her, “I am NOT leaving over a video. I am NOT scared of it.”

Melinda wanted to tell him to listen to Elizabeth, but she wasn’t going to get through to him. She just watched as he and Elizabeth made a small non verbal exchange until she reluctantly pushed a button. It was a still video waiting to push play. In the center of the video was Commander Kolya. 

“The video you are about to see is disturbing,” Elizabeth said quietly now she was trying to keep her own head in check. For Melinda the details were coming to together even further now. John was obviously fed on by a wraith but it wasn’t a simple feeding but somehow Elizabeth and Commander Kolya involved (which was why John was so freaked out in the first place talking about the Genii). “If any of you….including your Agent Coulson because you seem the most jumpy at the talks of aliens…...need to leave the room during this video we will not judge you at all. Now with that said….”

As Elizabeth started the video, John stood up straight. Eyes wide and alert. 

The video started with Commander Kolya in the middle. He was addressing the Atlantis expedition. About a minute later he stood to the side and there was John. His hands shackled behind him to a chair and the lower half of his face covered with a white cloth. Soon Melinda found herself instead of Coulson squeezing her hand. She was squeezing his. 

It was cruel listening to exchanges between Commander Kolya and Elizabeth. He was taunting her. Even going as far as taking the gag off for two seconds and putting it back over his mouth mid sentence. And then it happened. Just as John stood up in his seat both now and in the video. Melinda found herself doing so as well. A wraith who looked like he hadn’t eaten in days was dragged into the room. 

And here she was thinking John Garrett was cruel as fuck. 

At the corner of her eye she saw that Phil had looked at her. Eyes as wide as hers. Just as shocked as she was seeing as he was seeing. The wraith’s hand was brought out of the shackle and after a few brief words…...the wraith’s hand had slammed into his chest. 

Melinda had made it her mission to not show emotion. But she let out a cry and found herself burying her head into Phil’s shoulder so she wouldn’t have to look anymore. It wasn’t fear. It was empathy. She was feeling everything John was possibly feeling in this video. Pain, shock, trauma. She wanted to tell him he was okay. But instead, she felt as helpless as Elizabeth was feeling in the video. Phil who was just as shocked as she was, rested his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it tightly.

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” Clint cried out. He was scrambling to turn off the hearing aids so he could block out the small muffled cries coming out of John, the pleasured hums of the wraith, and Elizabeth crying out for it to stop (which was probably what got him the most). Natasha was motionless just looking up with her mouth gaped open. This was shocking enough to gauge such a reaction even from her. 

And then….

SLAM!

A sound of a chair hitting the floor brought them all out of their panicked stupor. John was already out the door. Away from the situation and the terrible ghost of his past. Abruptly the video was turned off. 

“I am so sorry….it was my mistake showing the vi-” She said before she was interrupted.

Melinda had reluctantly broken away from Phil’s comforting grasp and rose to her feet slowly. Her eyes met Elizabeth’s. The expedition leader couldn’t read them. Were they full of shock? Were they full of rage? She had no single idea. And then before she could get a single answer Melinda too was out the door. 

Philip and Elizabeth’s eyes met for a moment.

“Is she going after him?” She said.

“I think so,” Phil answered blinking, “I think we should go after them.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Elizabeth responded before she turned to Clint and said, “we’ll speak later.”

The two of them were out of leaving a shocked Clint and Natasha to try to make sense of what they just saw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter.....Sheppard/Melinda the Confrontation!


	6. ...and chasing ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melinda and John the confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you enjoyed the last installment! This one should be enjoyable as well.
> 
> Remember Kudos and Comments are love.

Breathe, John thought 

There was wave of pure unadulterated panic that had coursed through his body. How could he breathe. Even though he was on the balcony far away from anyone indoors. He was far from harm and prying eyes. But god. It felt like the goddamn walls were closing in on him. He breathed in and out. In and out like a fish out of water he was gasping for fucking air. His chest where there was a scar from his affliction was on fire. He rested his hand over his chest feeling his heart beat a mile per minute. 

John Sheppard never really feared anything. Anything that had happened to him in this galaxy full of mini robot infested aliens and fucking space bugs would be brushed to the side in a manner of moments. But he hated the fact….that when Kolya that smug fucking bastard tortured him with a wraith….he could not eat, he could not sleep and just when he thought he healed like now...he would re-live the memory and it would bite him in the ass. Like now.

Why did the hell did he have to stay in there to prove a point, to prove to Melinda and Phil? He could have walked out, he could have hid under the desk. Anything to hide the fact John...was left haunted by what happened. But god. He felt so vulnerable exposed and a host of other things he wanted to avoid. He wouldn’t be surprised that Phil and Melinda were somewhere in a corner laughing at him.

They must have thought he was weak.

He was weak. 

“John,” A voice quietly said to him. 

He turned his head behind him. Melinda was standing in the doorway. It was hard not to stare at her. Her long hair down. The wind that often came when the sun went down in the evening blew through it. Even in the dark it was clear. Her eyes gazed in concern. He didn’t know if that was better or that was worse? Or there was the third horrible possibility. She was doing this to reel him in.After all she was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and if there was one thing John Sheppard knew S.H.I.E.L.D. agents excelled at it was deception. He looked back ahead of him.

“Come here to gloat?” John said looking at the waves as he often done with Elizabeth. This was their spot….their Balcony and Melinda was invading it just as she was invading his home. “Tell me I am not a man like Agent Coulson….I bet if Coulson was in that position he would handle it with stride just say its another story out of his fucking comic books….where he came out a hero.”

“Phil has own demons he has yet to battle,” Melinda said cautiously approaching John to his side, “but that is a story for another day. This is about you.”

“Ah you call him Phil now,” John sneered the usual exuberance hands now gripping the railings of the balcony rocking back and forth, “When’s the wedding….you already took the first step by having a daughter….should be a easy.”

“John I am being serious,” Melinda responded quietly, she raised her her hands, “We are here...under the same roof...and we will be working together. Believe me I would rather be working with Garrett the man who just betrayed us. But we don’t have much of a choice…..so we might as well mend what was broken. I thought by helping you through this we can maybe work things out between us. And I know what you going through. You are having panic attacks when you are triggered. I know, I went through this myself in Bahrain.” 

John lifted his head. For a moment, he felt like he was tied to that god damn chair again. Except this time it wasn’t Kolya’s wraith sucking the god damn life out him. It was Melinda. Then again, she didn’t need to be a space vampire. She sucked the life out of him before before and was doing it again. 

“Oh of course turning conversation about yourself,” John growled, rolling his hazel eyes, “and fucking Bahrain you were always so god damn good at that.” 

“John,” Melinda said she was talking a few steps closer to him. The closer she came the closer she closer she could see the fire in his eyes. He was enraged, his hand was curling into a fist lightly, “I am trying to be civilized, if as usual you don’t want to talk to me about what happened…..fine but at LEAST agree to disagree we need to get along while we are in this city together whether it’s days, weeks, years I don’t know. We NEED to be comfortable with each other.”

“No I AM hoping you and your dweeb of a boyfriend get the hell out of my city,” John said again this time he was walking over to Melinda, “I begged Elizabeth to talk to Fury and get another team up here. But he insisted you guys were the best for the job. You know how S.H.I.E.L.D was your life? This place, these people, they mean everything to me and NOW I have to deal with you and Coulson tainting it. You both collectively ruined my life.” She opened her mouth. John’s version of the events were different from hers and she was going to say it. But she quickly shut her mouth. He raised a finger and started waving it at her, “I am not….and I repeat...I AM NOT going to fucking destroy everything I have built. WE are NOT friends….we will never be friends….and if our teams go together off world. You are stay in your corner and I will stay in mine.”

“I think it’s by time this conversation ended don’t you think?” A voice said.

Both of them turned their heads and saw Elizabeth and Phil standing by the door. Their reactions were the stark opposite of each others. Phil’s face was more twisted in concern, if it was John, he would be surprised. Elizabeth’s face was more of that of disappointment. He took a sharp breath as he looked away from them and to the ocean. He hated seeing that look on Elizabeth’s face. With all his issues, he always feared that, that horrible look was a sign that was a sign she was going to leave him. Usually in the end Elizabeth would forgive him and later be in his arms like nothing happened.

But sometimes he wondered that THIS was the time she was going to leave him. 

“I was just leaving….I am sorry for even bothering,” Melinda said. She simply turned heels and made her way, somewhere far away from this situation. However she didn’t leave without latching onto Coulson’s arm whether it was for comfort or to get under John’s skin he wasn’t quite sure how to answer that. He just kept his eyes away as they walked into the city. 

“I’m sorry I…” John said keeping his eyes away from her, “if you want to go ‘Lizabeth just go. I knew this was going to happen. Melinda was going to bring the WORST in me.”

Elizabeth softly took his face in his hands. Her thumbs gently ran against his cheeks. Slowly She tried to calm him down. But he was still a bundle of tense nerves. He could feel his muscles cramped and his face, in his shoulders in his chest. 

“Its not your fault,” Elizabeth whispered brushing her nose against his, running her hand through her thick dark hair. It was usually moments like this John would think that Elizabeth would scold him yelling at him for even starting with her, when Melinda was the one who sought him out through the chaos and his turmoil. But she knew he was panicking, she was calming him down in the best way, “I should have been more careful….I shouldn’t have been so careless. If it’s any consolation….it was painful rewatching it too.”

John took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Letting the feel of her fingers and the brush of her hair against his cheeks. Her hands moved down his arms slowly massaging away the knots in his muscles. 

“I bet they are laughing at me,” He said opening his eyes gently.

“Who are John?” Elizabeth said gently.

“Phil and Melinda,” He said quietly, “they probably think I am weak and deserved it.”

“John,” Elizabeth she responded, “Melinda sought you out. As much as you don’t want to hear it, she was burying the hatchet. That’s your problem John you were so disappointed so many times by so many people you love. So that when someone comes from your past who truly wants to make it up to you…..you just push them away.” She took his hand in his own and squeezed it tight. “I truly believe Melinda came over to you to see if she could mend things because she knows what you are going through John….I know you saw part of what she went through but didn’t see the whole thing. You should let her in.”

John stared at her for a moment before taking hand that was linked with his and brought it to his lips. Sometimes he pretty much hated how Elizabeth would say things he didn’t want to hear but was so right. As much as he would want to resist, her words were the ones that would make him a better man. She was right. It wouldn’t be easy. There were going to be on and off peaks between him and Melinda but they could at least try. After all as Melinda said they were stuck here together.

“You’re a terrible influence Doctor Weir you know that?” John said his voice still harsh.

“Yeah,” she responded hand resting on his shoulder “but you love it.”

“I’ll go talk to Melinda,” John said.

“Good,” Elizabeth said quietly, “Let’s at least get you to calm down. First Shall we?”

* * *

“Alright you are breathe through your nose and out through your mouth,” Melinda said as she helped him adjust in position. She made sure his shoulders were straight and his palms were faced up.

Phil knew Melinda was not in the best state of mind at the moment they came back into their little room. Usually when she was in one of her panics she would retreat into a private room on the bus, and do her yoga, tai chi, meditation whatever she felt like doing that day. With their privacy taken away, Melinda didn’t have much of choice. She had to deal with Phil in the room. 

Of course they tried to have their space. Melinda sat on the floor on her room in a crosslegged position, her fingertips touching as her hands were faced up. Phil finished packing up and decorating the room with his bag of trinkets. Occasionally he lingered in the doorway and watched her breathe in and out in a perfect rhythm. Her posture was tall and beautiful. Something of course that was something that will always and forever will distraction. 

Eventually she caught him. Sensory deprivation training had taught her to watch with her eyes closed. “Either you are going to watch me or join me” Melinda had said. 

Phil reminded himself why he chose to share this little room with her in their own corner of Atlantis. Not only to be a front line of defense to make sure she was okay, just done so often. He knew Melinda had changed alot since that fateful day they had met in the Academy…. It was rather difficult to get to know her. True they had plenty of time on the bus. But every time they talked it was only business….never fun. Now….was his chance. They would be plenty of off periods while they explored the wonders of the galaxy, he would use it to get reaquainted with her.

If it meant sitting on the floor like he was doing now. Then….he would sit on the floor.

“Clear your mind Phil,” Melinda said quietly, “I know it’s difficult for you lately but the point of it is to relax.”

Phil chuckled lowly. Eyes gently shut. As he breathed in through his nose, he could feel the air that had entered his lungs. Inflated and heavy. He exhaled through his mouth the air left his lungs and back into the ocean air. The place smelt like the beach, salt water, he actually quite liked it. He liked it a lot. True he missed home, his probably now fucked up home, he missed Lola who was hidden away in the SGC and of course he missed Earth and it’s wonders.

But surprisingly...he wasn’t sure about Melinda but Phil Coulson was settling quite nicely here.

“I am actually feeling relaxed,” He said.

His eyes were still gently shut. He could feel her kneel behind him. 

“You are not supposed to talk either,” Melinda whispered lowly sending a shiver down his spine.

“Well are you talking to me what do you expect?” Phil said still breathing in his same pattern. In through his nose, hold for ten seconds. And out through his mouth. “And what do you expect I like to talk…..you’re going to have to find a way to shut me up.”

“Hopefully I am not interrupting anything Kinky,” A voice said.

When Phil heard Melinda growl followed by footsteps pounding onto the metal floor into his area of the room. He stood up and followed her into his part of the living quarters. And it wasn’t long until he found the source of her annoyance. John was in the room. How he got in he wasn’t sure. But he stood by the desk examining one of the the many actual figures on the desk. He placed it gently trying not to break it.

He knew how Phil felt about his trinkets and gadgets. He was still trying to get over the fact Fury actually bloodied up his vintage Captain America trading cards to motivate the Avengers in the first place. 

“Captain America,” John said nodding, “I am not surprised this room is filled with his face.”

Phil stood cautiously not saying a word. This was Melinda’s deal and he would let her do the talking. Of course as usual he would step in if things were to go south.

“What are you doing here John?” Melinda growled, “and how did you get in without knocking?”

“Awesome Ancient gene,” John said, “I figured you wouldn’t let me in if I knocked so I thought I would let myself in. And as to why I am here. I thought I would apologize for my behavior.”

Melinda tilted her head a bit. She approached him cautiously. Eyes still gazed upon him as she took a few small steps.

“Did Elizabeth tell you to apologize?” Melinda said raising an eyebrow, “or did you decide to you own.” 

She wouldn’t be surprised if John had a little bit of coaching to come here and flat out apologize for his behavior. After all the poor woman seemed to have him fucking wrapped around her finger like a piece of string. At this point John Sheppard was so stubborn he would rather be dragged in chains then admit his fucking faults. Phil stood up behind her, waiting to intervene if he needed to.

“Maybe a little of both,” John said shrugging, “I mean this place is my home and whether I like it or not…...this is your home now too. Whether it’s for two weeks or three weeks. Or forever, I gotta suck it up.” He slowly put his hands at his side, “We don’t have to hold hands and sing kumbaya and pretend nothing ever happened but we could at least live each other. So what you say….can we put what happened behind us so this doesn’t affect the expedition?”

John let out his hand. Melinda looked down and frowned. She wasn’t sure if she could trust him. Then again, he was right. They didn’t have to be friends. They could least act in a way that wouldn’t distract the task at hand or the expedition itself. Any string string pulled can unravel the structure. 

She would never forgive him. How he behaved, how he acted towards her and Phil, it was unforgivable. But if Phil was able to put his anger towards the fact she was talking to Fury behind his back for the sake of survival in a dangerous HYDRA world….Melinda could put her bitterness aside for the sake of the world and the people she loved….including Phil and her daughter. Melinda took John’s hand and shook it.

“Fine,” Melinda said, at the corner of her eye, she saw Phil nodding his head in approval. He looked proud of her for deciding to be the bigger person. “But we are only work colleagues. We talk about our jobs, nothing less. Right now that is all we could do.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” John said with a small smile as he released her hand, “Well, this was nice but dinner is soon and I got a few friends to meet. It was a nice talk Melinda.” He looked behind her at Phil. “It was nice seeing you too Phil.”

And just like that as Phil waved, John was out the door. He slowly walked over to her side and rested his hand on the shoulder.

“Was that so bad?” He asked.

“Oh it was like walking on a bed of nails,” Melinda said, “let’s see how long this ceasefire lasts.”

As Melinda made her way out of the room, Phil took a long deep breath. For once, for the sake of this mission and the sake of the world, she wasn’t so pessimistic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMING UP:
> 
> Grant rekindles an old frame. However, in the process a dark secret of his past comes to focus, jump starting the turn of events.


	7. the boy with the demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grant Ward reconnects with a old flame, at the same time a secret long burried about his past comes to the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just letting you know the following two chapters were pretty damn difficult to write cause I was trying to write a morally ambigious Ward (I see him as neither good or evil and pretty much love the way he is now) but hopefully you guys enjoy it.
> 
> Kudos and comments are love

“Agent Coulson, Agent May,” Elizabeth said looking through the Folder on her desk. It was contained the files of all the members from S.H.I.E.L.D. How they adjusted here. How they interacted with the members, “It’s been about two weeks since you arrived here and I have to say some of your teammates have adjusted quite well here….Rodney has surprisingly taken a liking to Agents Fitz, Simmons and Mackenzie and says they are easy lab partners. Teyla and Ronon have nothing but good things to say about Agents Triplett, Hunter, Morse and even you agent May.”

 

“They are pretty good sparring partners,” Melinda said with a smile.

“Even though Ronon’s a little vicious?” John added in.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” She responded.

It was odd, it was a short amount of time, thirteen nights to be exact spent together in that little room in Atlantis. Some nights spent talking others, spent watching movies. But those short amount of nights made Phil clear that was a sense something was changing.Well, he wasn’t quite sure if he should call it changing. More like something buried beneath rubble and dirt coming to the surface….that smile she flashed was her old smile something she didn’t have to force.

For some reason it was making him feel a bit...alive again...knowing he was probably...no definitely the cause.

 

“As I saying,” Elizabeth said continuing to look in the file, “Agent...Lewis despite she is a bit of an eccentric one is quite popular here as are Agents Romanoff and Barton. Your daughter has seemed to be taking a liking to Mr. Kolya. She has really brought him out of his shell.”

“She gets that from me,” Phil added with a proud fatherly grin causing Melinda’s smile to widen.

“And you should,” Elizabeth added in, “and of course the four of us have been spending time together. Your members had integrated well with the expedition and each other and socialize with as many members as they can. All except for one…..” Phil’s smile faded. He already knew exactly who she was referring to, “Agent Grant Ward, while he does minor to no interaction with trainers and his teammates, had made no effort to interact with other members except for lieutenant Kennsington, but she doesn’t count as she had previously known Agent Ward since childhood” 

It was true. Both Phil and Melinda had noticed a drastic change in Grant since it was revealed that John Garrett, his mentor was part of Hydra. The specialist, who had made great strides learning to work with people, had taken about ten steps backwards. He was once again resorting to his very quiet and very withdrawn behaviors. Then again, the man who had trained him, gave him this job, had turned out to be Hydra how could he not regress?

“With all do respect Doctor Weir,” Phil said calmly folding his hands on the table, “I don’t see how that is much of a problem. If you read Agent Ward’s profile, you know he had a turbulent life. Sometimes he doesn’t take stress very well. What happened with the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. had profoundly affected him. This withdrawn behavior is something you should not be concerned about.”

“And we wouldn’t concerned if Ward and Agent Triplett didn’t come with a warning to watch for suspicious behavior for their association with their HYDRA SO,” John said leaning forward, “Triplett is a walking S.H.I.E.L.D. mascot. He managed to take away any idea he is part of the wrong team. But Ward, I tried talking to him, he looked me in the eye. He wasn’t pleasant….it was kind of hinky…”

“Hinky?” Phil said raising an eyebrow, whether it was fear he was wrong about Ward or the specialist was a valued member of his team, the idea that Grant Ward was a HYDRA agent seemed to be…..appalling, “he is loyal to my team...he wouldn’t betray us.”

“I understand that Agent Coulson” Elizabeth said as she turned her head over to John before turning back to Phil and Melinda, “but Agent Ward’s behavior is giving us suspicion that he is hiding something. Whether he is HYDRA, or knew his SO was HYDRA or he is feeling guilty about it we don’t know. But unless he comes to us and tells us he isn’t a HYDRA agent we are going to have to start monitoring.” 

“Doctor Weir,” Melinda said sternly, her smile fading so she could put on her determined work guise, “I know Agent Ward well. He is not really good at expressing emotions. When tries to he either gets angry and shut down. He is obviously very upset about Agent Garrett, he’ll come around when he is ready.”

 

“Well that better be soon,” Elizabeth said closing the file, “Because my main focus is the safety and security of this expedition. And if Agent Ward poses as a risk and he turns out not to be who he ….everyone who walks amongst this city could be in grave danger.”

* * *

Push down, feel the burn in his arms as his body made its way down to the ground. Hold, count to three and slowly pull his body back up. And repeat. It was a repetition something like it was encoded in his body like it was in his DNA. A Routine. Routines were the only thing keeping him from falling off course. 

Grant Ward was freefalling.

He didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want to show it in front of his team members. Not when it could risk could exposing him for what he really was.

Weak, broken, a liar.

“Two hundred,” He whispered. 

As soon as he sat up and stretched his cramped up arms, he heard the sound of the sticks clanking together, followed by the sound of a familiar laugh. Grant moved his eyes to the side. Skye was standing there with her new friend. Rowan, his name was. She swung a long stick in her hand as she stared at him with a smile on her face.

Grant knew him and Rowan were somehow alike. His story with his psychotic warlord like father was almost parallel, except different tormentors and different endings…..Grant envied Rowan for his.

Rowan had choices. Grant didn’t.

For a moment he looked into Skye’s eyes as she stared upon her sparring partner. He knew those eyes. They were eyes full of wonder and joy and endearment. There was a time not so long, she would look at Grant like that. And there was a time when she did look at him with that joy and wonder, it gave him light, it made it forget. 

And now it disgusted him. 

It reminded him how he didn’t deserve a guy like him for what he had done. To the people who gave him a family when he had none. What he was doing to them all now.

He lied to them and he was still lying to them. He was taking their kindness and spitting on it. 

He sighed and went to his feet quietly. He slipped away out of view, so he was out of sight out of mind like he wasn’t even there. 

But as he made his way to the door he saw Skye turn to him with a grin.

“Hey Grant!” She said putting her stick in a vertical position. “You want to join us? Rowan can teach you some cool Genii stick tricks.”

Rowan only smiled and waved. The kid was kind he gave him that. But with all the confusion and all the pain he was going through. He didn’t want to suck him in either. 

“Maybe tomorrow,” He said quietly.

Before Skye could answer he was gone.

* * *

"Hi Grant," A voice said.

It was the same thing everyday since he arrived. He would come to his room and there she would be Alexandria Kennsington standing at the door. She would lean against the doorframe with her arms folded and a small little smile on her face. The same smile that would send shockwaves to the pit of his stomach every time she seen it, even if his body was aching in pain.

She was the only fond memory of his childhood. The only one that didn’t bring him pain and sorrow. Seeing her again, he had to admit was wonderful, but it was the same time it was a curse. He had a code. A terrible to live by at that. It was if he cared for someone it was a weakness. 

It was why being on Coulson’s team fucked and risked destroying everything he built. It was easy to be detached from people when he mostly worked alone. But once he got to know them, and Skye, hell sleeping with May briefly, he got to know their likes, their stories and their fears. His hardened shell cracked. 

Now being around Alexandra….someone he loved to be around as a child,….cracked it even further.

“Hi,” Grant responded trying to fight the smile forming on his face. He wanted to look cold, he wanted to look hurtful. He wanted to as much as it pained him to, to push her away. He feared if he opened up and seen what he had become. She’d probably run as fast as she possibly could.

“So you busy tonight or are you going to be sick again?” Alexandra said raising an eyebrow.

Every night she would ask….and every night Grant would have the same answer. 

“I am not sure,” He said leaning his hand against the doorway, “I have to see, we are going on our first mission off world within the next couple of days. He may need me to go to one of his debriefing meetings.”

Usually when he would make up one his excuses she would answer and say she would be waiting and walk off with a smile. But today she frowned. She looked at him sadly.

“I don’t get it Grant you were happy to see me when you first arrived,” Alexandra said sighing deeply getting off the doorway, “but now when I ask to have dinner, make up for lost time, maybe introduce you to new bands I began listen to…when you….” She looked down and closed her eyes for a moment before looking up at him, “left. I thought you were excited to see me when we reunited...but ever since then we only spoke for only….minutes at a time. And you keep making up excuses and trying to avoid me are you upset to see me?”

“I am not…”Grant said quietly, “It’s just….”

You do not want to be around me. You’ll hate the new me. 

Alexandra reached forward and gripped his hand gently. She ran her finger over the top of his hand as she so often done when he came over to her, crying like a wounded animal after one of Christian’s beatings. He wanted to push her off tell her to stop. Tell her not to make the effort. But just as it did ever so often it made him calm comfortable, like nothing he worried about even mattered. It was the only the two of them in that hallway.

It was becoming his undoing.

“I am guessing you haven’t been around Christian and your parents for years,” Alexandra said, “is seeing me making you uncomfortable because of what he did to you. If that is the case I understand.” 

She took his hand and squeezed it tight. Grant stood there. He was frozen. God yes he loved the feel of her hand on his, but the wall was once again beginning to crumble quickly and in a rapid succession. He started scratching with his fingernail the inside of his palm of his free hand. The pain something he was used to, his constant companion, it kept him grounded, still and secure. 

“Yeah,” Grant said his voice cracking a little but he caught it at the slightest hint. At least his ability to lie on command still remained in tact. Yet this time it was different. When he would lie to his teammates as he did ever so often, there a slight poke of a few into his skin. But when he lied to her it was like being he was being stabbed in the gut.

And being stabbed on a few missions, he knew how painful it was. But Alexandra took it. She nodded her head and sighed deeply, her smile coming back.

“Alright,” She said, “I get it,I won't pester you any longer. But when you are ready….you know where I am.”

When she let go of his hand. It felt like needles stabbing at his chest. Actually his chest was on fire. His hands began to curl into fists. So deep the nails were beginning to dig slightly into the skin, piercing. He made it a point to avoid people while he was here ever since it was revealed that Garrett was a HYDRA Agent. He thought it would bring suspicion towards him, if his misdeeds before the fall of HYDRA weren’t any suspicion enough. His eyes remained on her. 

But this wasn’t about avoiding people. It was about something he thought he forgot how to do with all he done, and all of his training. But something had happened.

There was a time when Grant thought he had feelings for Skye and confusion washed over him like a tidal wave. He thought touching her, kissing her, would spark something. Keep him warm, when his heart was left ice cold. But then, she kissed him. It was a spur of the moment kiss in a time when he thought they were going to die. 

And nothing happened. Whatever was inside him remained dead and dormant. No fireworks, no feeling that the world was floating away from beneath his feet so he could fly. Just the same ol’ him.

But when Alexandra, blonde, beautiful Alexandra, the girl who lived next door, the girl who he would climb through her window and spend the night with when the abuse got rough, the girl who made him smile when the world got rough, touched him everything changed. Something awoken. 

“I would go after her,” He heard a voice said. 

Grant turned his head to his side. Teyla, his across the way neighbor was standing in front of her doorway. Despite the fact he didn’t talk to her as much, he seemed to have as much interaction with her as he did with Alexandra. He seen her during training, she tried to get him to train with her, which he politely said no. But the way she moved made her seem to be Pegasus Galaxy’s answer to Agent Melinda May and every night she would make small talk him before he descended into his room. Though it was only one sided. Which would probably be the case in a matter of moments.

“I have been told by your teammate Melinda May,” Teyla said making her way towards him, “you are not usually this subdued and quiet. She is actually rather concerned about your behavior…..and to be honest well...I have as Colonel Sheppard says….a very empathetic complex….I understand what you are going through your S.O. I once knew a man a very kind man, who my parents trusted to watch over to me when they did their negotiations with his people…..he used to make me so happy as we played childhood games. I looked up to him and then one day he changed, when I encountered him again after years of being apart and turned out to be mean and cruel and someone frightening.”

Teyla stood across from him by the door now. There was a small grin on her face. Usually he would block out what she had to say. But today, he wanted to listen. So he stood with his ears attentive. Of course her story much different from his but in an odd way there was something small and comforting about having someone who understood what he was going through to some extent.

“What you are going through with superior officer is completely understandable,” Teyla said leaning her hand against the doorway, “Your faith is shaken by the recent events you and your team have gone through, and seeing someone you thought was good turn out to be pure evil, but the times I have seen you since you have arrived here, there was something in your eyes dark and brooding like Colonel Sheppard’s at times but now. There’s something in there light…..” She looked down to the floor for a moment before looking up at him, “you love her.”

Now Grant chuckled lowly and eyes narrowed. Now the grip of Denial had grabbed him like a vice.

“And how do you know this?” He asked, “Alexandra is just my old childhood friend nothing more, nothing less.”

“That not what your eyes say,” Teyla remarked, “Those eyes you bare to her, are the same eyes my partner Ronon gives me before he kisses me, those eyes are the same one’s Colonel Sheppard gives Doctor Weir as he walks through the gate after a hard mission. I think Agent Coulson, gave Agent May those eyes quite occasionally. You know what they say your eyes are the window’s to the soul. ”

“I don’t love her.” Grant said calmly the sooner she would go away the better. She was going to pry the answer out of him eventually. He hoped the conversation would end there. 

But Teyla hummed and turned her head behind her. Alexandra hadn’t left the hallway yet. It was either because of the long hallway of rooms and she was waiting to turn on one of the end corridors or she was was waiting for him to change his mind. 

“Oh Lieutenant Kennsingston,” Teyla called out to her. Alexandra turned her head. There was a small smile on her face, “I managed to convince Agent Ward to change his mind. He will see you tonight.”

“Are you insane?” Grant growled to Teyla lowly as Alexandra turned her full body around and began to walk back towards the duo slowly. 

“Really?” Alexandra said.

Grant wanted to say no to her just as he said no to Skye a plethora amount of times within the past few days without a single ounce of hesitation and pain. It was on the tip of his tongue. But he couldn’t. The smile on her face, the light in her eyes, something that he saw long ago but was still so familiar to him. He couldn’t...he didn’t want to hurt her.

Sure he hurt people on his team and others he had cared about time and time again. But this time it was different. In his childhood when everyone showed him a world of hurt, she showed him nothing but….love caring and kindness. He swallowed. Looking at her in the eye he took a deep sigh. He could pretend he was still okay and he was hiding nothing. Just for her. He took a few steps towards her a smile forming on his face.

“Yeah,” He said, “How about eight….after dinner? We can hang out in my room….turn on the ipod…..talk.”

“Sounds wonderful,” Alexandra said the tone in her voice had changed. She obviously was excited. It was hard for him to feel things sometimes. But he had to admit, there was something warm at the pit of his belly knowing that he could for a moment….forget everything was going on. “I’ll see you then.”

Ward watched with careful eyes as Alexandra made her way back down the hallway. This time she was walking consistently faster. He looked to his feet before turning his head to look over at Teyla. His lips curled immediately and quickly into a frown. The young woman only smiled back at him trying not to chuckle.

“Trust me Agent Ward….” She said softly making her way back to her room, “You’ll thank me for this later.” 

* * *

Sometimes he didn’t like to give others credit, but he had to admit Teyla was right. Grant Ward wasn’t the nostalgic type. Memories to him were more painful than they were found. But there were some that brought a smile to his face and some he loved reliving. 

It was just like the old days. They sat on his tiny bed in his quarters. Not saying a word. The sound of heavy metal filled the room, with the sound of the singer screaming verses. The only thing that was different was the bed was smaller, there was no homework scattered across the bed and they weren’t wearing prep school uniforms. 

His eyes fixed on Alexandra who kept her eyes close as she swayed to quick and electric beats. He couldn’t help but gazed at the beauty and grace in the movement. Just like the old days. Everything that was bothering him and keeping him tense was fading. 

“So what you think,” Grant said raising an eyebrow, “I know metal using Bagpipes and violins is something you don’t usually associate with metal. But….I think it flows nicely.”

“It does,” Alexandra said with her eyes still closed, “if Hydra is vanquished and they are still around…..you are going to have to take me to see Eluveitie.” Grant’s teeth chewed the inside of his lip as he fought to keep the smile on his face. There was a time hearing the word HYDRA didn’t sting as much as it did. Now hearing it was like a knife digging into his back. “Have you had time to go to a Metal Concert since you joined S.H.I.E.L.D?”

“I took my teammates to see Eluveitie,” Grant said smiling sadly, “before the fall.”

It was the last good memory he had with his team before everything had gone to hell. During one of their missions he found out the band was in town. Thinking he wanted to show his friends the side of him they often did not see behind the cold calculated killer he was and to help Skye have fun after she was fun, the four of them, he, Skye and Fitzsimmons decided to take the night off and go.

Of course he remembered there were three pairs of shocked and impressed eyes as he head banged, literally knocked over some people in the mosh pit, danced around like a wind up doll, he even managed to get Fitz on a dare to go crowd surfing with him as Skye and Simmons laughed and cheered them on. Showing that side of him that had long been dormant and dead when he was thrust into a dark world he never meant to be part of, made him feel connected to them.

Then HYDRA came out of the shadows. The risk of him, the real him, the him that would hurt the people that he had grown to love had become to loom and ties were severed. Even if he admitted the truth, things were never going to be the same. They would grow to hate him, because from the moment they met he was was lying to them, even though in the beginning it was so easy to.

It was why….this task became a heavy burden to carry out and made him wonder….who was he really?

“They seem like good people,” Alexandra said.

Grant nodded his head.

“So the air force,” He said reaching behind him to the mini fridge that was in his room, “Want one?” Alexandra nodded her head as Grant pulled out two beers one for her and one for himself. He opened them both and handed one to her. “I am surprised your parents let you go through with it.”

“My parents weren’t as rigid as yours,” Alexandra said, “They knew my place was flying planes. But…”

She paused and looked to the bedding. Her fingers gently tangled in the sheets tracing invisible patterns. 

“But what?” Grant said tilting his head.

“They thought I was chasing after you,” Alexandra sighed deeply. His smile faded slightly. He almost forgot that when he disappeared, went off the grid to places unknown and down a rabbit hole he shouldn’t have stumbled in, he disappeared abruptly. His family had not a single trace of idea not in military school, not in Jail. Grant Douglas Ward was almost nonexistent. She had to have curiosity. Though he didn’t think…..Alexandra would even want to know. “I mean I get what they were saying, one day you were there, next day you are dragged off to Military school and I never saw you again. You were my best friend….we spent every waking moment together and not even a word a letter to tell me you were okay or if you were even alive….what happened to you Grant?” 

Grant turned his head away looking towards the window. In the moonlight he saw the small gentle waves in the ocean crashing against the metal of the city.

Being around her helped him forget….but god it was a curse. Tension was building in his shoulders. For the first time he would have to lie to her, when he used to tell her everything without any hesitation. He couldn’t tell her everything. If he did she would cringe. It would fucking destroy her. He could deal with the judgement, from Coulson, May, Fitzsimmons and maybe Skye. But from the young woman who cared about him when no one else did. From the woman he…..the woman he l-

God he couldn’t say it. Grant knew what love was from Alexandra the beautiful girl who lived next door, who gave him his first kiss and sometimes thawed his cold heart. But even with her love and even with her love and even with her kindness he didn’t know HOW to love. 

“Grant is everything alright?” She said. Her hand touched his face. He closed his eyes the feel of her soft feel of her fingertips against his cheeks. “If it’s private and too difficult to talk about. Then we can change the subject.”

Their lips they were so close. They were only a breath away. He wanted restraint. But temptation took over…..

Besides…..he had kissed her before. Years ago. 

He leaned in close, their lips touched. It was soft gentle he almost couldn’t feel it. But he tasted her breath as it breathed into him. It slightly for a moment. Brought him back to life after two weeks of feeling dead. She pulled back staring at him for a moment.There was a smile that pulled against her features.

“I missed you,” She whispered quietly.

“I missed you too,” He whispered.

He was sucked in. Their lips began to crash. Once, twice, over again in a plethora of bruising kisses in quick and rough successions. He leaned backwards propping up against the pillows. He didn’t know it but he was lost in the sensations and music away the cold grip of reality. Everything seemed to be lost in this moment. But a part of him knew once he came back to focus he would be tail spinning deeper into confusion. 

But for now….a grin formed on his face as she slipped a hand under his shirt feeling the bare skin of his chest.

Coincidentally enough, the song that played in the background was named “From Darkness”

* * *

The music was off and the room was quiet. Only the sound of the ocean filled the room. Grant’s eyes scanned down at the nude slumbering form lying beside him. Her head settled contently into his chest, eyes closed, she looked very peaceful. His chest moved up and down in slow and heavy motions. 

It was a funny thing the way life worked. From when he was younger he desperately wanted this. He wanted to go to the next level with her. As he got older there was nights he dreamed of them getting married. They would have a large house just they both owned in their gated community in Boston. A Front yard, a backyard with a playset for the kids to play with. They would be happy...no abuse...no misery. But the dream of having this life had died a long time ago not with-

It merely impossible. They couldn’t be parents. Not with her flying planes in space and him doing what he was told. Maybe it could be possible but Grant was too far gone. He fell deep down the rabbit hole he could not get out….actually he wanted to get out. But the risk, the cost, would be too great. He heard the slight sound of something vibrating on the table, the SHIELD made tech that could communicate through space, run by found alien technology. He turned his head and groaned.

“Not now,” He grumbled. 

He wanted to have it go through. He wanted to ignore it. Even if he did. He would ring until he picked it up anyway. He slowly pulled himself out of bed. Alexandra was always a heavy sleeper anyway. He put on a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and picked up the communicator and made his way to the balcony. Each of the rooms had them. He waited till he was outside when he felt the wind blowing on his face and the sounds of the waves hitting the side of the building.

“Hail Hydra,” He said quietly.

The words felt like a stab to his chest mentioning them. It was why he shut himself out for those long five days before Alexandra had pulled him out of his funk. This whole time, when he laughed, fought beside and worked with them he was working for the other side. This was a group of people who took him in. Showed him care and yet...he chose to betray them. 

When they find out….they would be destroyed. They would hate him. They would never look at them. And to be quite honest he would feel nothing but numb as each blow came towards him. 

“Well I am quite glad you didn’t jump ship,” The voice of John Garrett, the man he had sold his violent soul to all those years ago. He was his gift and his curse. Without him he wouldn’t be standing here he would probably be locked away in jail behind closed doors his freedom gone. He was his curse because he stood in the way of his happiness. Like now. “I have some news. I didn’t want to tell you kid until we finally sealed the deal, just incase you found your loyalties suddenly changed towards Coulson.”

“My Loyalties remain to you,” Grant had said gritting his teeth.

He didn’t want his loyalties remain to anyone.

“I hope so,” Garrett said again, “You don’t forget who took you out of that prison, gave you a job a meeting instead of letting down….but enough of the careful reminders. Now….your little tip about going out to space through that gate program seemed to be a good tip.” Grant took a sharp breath through his lungs. Telling Garrett about that was the first time everything within him began to unravel…..it was the first time he wondered what he was doing. Who he was….and how much hate he started to feel again about the injustice of his life. “We couldn’t get in through their regular program...pretty well fucking Hidden…..bastards….but a HYDRA team…..found another Gate….in Egypt, we decided to make use to it.”

Grant bit his lip and gripped the edge of the balcony. No, no, no, this couldn’t be happening. Before he was fearing confusion and rage over everything that unfolded and how he was involved in it. But now….he was fucking scared.

“Have you arrived yet sir?” He asked trying to keep his cool. 

“Oh not only did we arrive,” Garrett said there was glee in his voice, “We already made contact, We found a man who runs a group of people….currently at war. The Genii.” 

Suddenly things went from bad to worse. He may have not had talked to Skye’s new friend Rowan but he knew a great deal about him. The Genii were his people and they were divided into two sides. One with Rowan’s violent and sadistic father and the other with the Naive Ladon Radim. Each of them were just as bad as the other. But he hoped, for the tiny bit of him that still cared about Skye though he knew he severed ties because he was full of his misery, for Skye’s sake…..it wasn’t wasn’t the side of the Genii ran by Rowan’s father.

He didn’t want the possibility of both men being on the wrong side, destroying her in an instant (even if Rowan’s ties with his father were cut a long time ago). She had gone through enough.

“Who’s the leader Sir?” Grant said quietly, “There are two sides as you know….is it Commander Kolya.”

“Commander Koalaface?” Garrett said with a slight chuckle, “According to the guy we are working with that asshole is a bag of cats.” Look who was the pot calling the kettle black. “Nah. But once we promised once we blow the Bastard and his people to smithereens we will come after Atlantis and then using the city, the rest of the Galaxy. Imagine that…...Hydra holding the World and another Galaxy in its hands. I am going to need you kid to help me with that….I was thinking when you go off World we will arrange a kidn-”

“I rather stay here sir,” Grant said, “wouldn’t you rather me watch over Coulson? Make sure to keep an eye on him….I can tell you their every move. What they are doing next, what planet they are going to. Wouldn’t you want that rather than going in blind?”

It was eerily silent. On Grant’s end, the cool night air howled. The waves rising with it. The cool air hitting his face and the bare skin of his arms. It sent a chill down his spine. The hand that did not hang onto the communicator started rubbing up and down his arm. On Garrett’s side there was a few men talking and laughing. They must have been in some space tavern of sort. He wondered how much of his erroneous stories Garrett had told the group. 

“You never questioned my orders Agent Ward,” Garrett said, there was a slight questionable hum in his voice, “why now? I thought you said you weren’t with Coulson. But the way you have been behaving…..even when I saw you on that plane….tells me….being part of Coulson’s team made you soft.”

“I told you Sir,” Grant said closing his eyes there was hint of anger in his voice, he felt it was the only way to get him to believe him. To be angry and pretend he wasn’t questioning where his loyalties had now lied because he had been far from his influence long enough, “I am not loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. I am loyal to you and Loyal to HYDRA.”

There was a slight chuckle.

“Good and you’re right kid,” Garrett said, “It’s better if you are there….you can let me know what those fuckers are doing. I want you to give me every detail of what they are doing….even if one of them fucks an alien I want to know. Got it?”

Grant made a deep sigh. Play the game, stay alive. That’s all he had to do. Even if he had to kill to do it. 

“Yes sir,” He said quietly.

“Good,” Garrett said humming, “And one more thing kid….If I found out you have been lying to me and you have gotten soft, not only will I kill you…..But I will slaughter every last one of your teammates in front of you before I give you a slow cruel and excruciating death. And I promise you I will start with Skye. Do I make myself clear?”

Grant gripped his arm now. His fingernails dug into the skin. God, he fought the idea of caring for that god damn team for so damn long….that Garrett was right. Being around them had made him soft. The idea of them each being slaughtered one by one…..May and Coulson would probably die bravely, maybe Skye too...but Fitz and Simmons….they weren’t strong enough they would die screaming. He couldn’t get the image out of his head. Now he wasn’t scared…..he was angry.

“Yes sir,” Grant said sharply.

“Good,” Garret said, “now let me hear you say the magic words one more time.”

“Hail HYDRA,” He responded. 

“Thats a good boy,” Garrett taunted as if he was speaking to a dog, “remember….keep me posted.”

The line went dead. Grant stood there for a moment, breathing heavily. He could feel the fire rushing through his veins, making his face burning hot with rage. He threatened him. He threatened his team. Fuck the team mattered more than he did. This should be the moment he put his foot down. This should be the moment he should have finally defined him. No….he couldn’t. He may have been able to jump off buildings and get shot at but he couldn’t break away from the grip of John Garrett. 

 

He made a long and feral growl. And just like that he threw the communicator to the ground. He stomped on it too but the damn thing was made withstand anything tough. He couldn’t look at it. He picked up and went to throw it across the room. But he stopped himself quickly when saw.

“Alexandra how long have you been there?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:
> 
> Alexandra and Ward talk about his HYDRA status and whether or not he should tell the truth about himse;lf


	8. secrets and lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grant and Alexandra fight over Grant Ward's Hydra status and when backed in a corner he decides....whether it is time to be honest or to continue to be a coward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter went unexpected from where I orginally intended but I think you'll like what I am gonna do with Ward! 
> 
> KUDOS AND COMMENTS ARE LOVE!

He could feel his body shaking. Shit. How long had she been there minutes? How much of the conversation had she heard. All of it? Some of it? No enough. Her face looked pale and sickly, as if she saw a ghost. Or a monster….yes…..a monster. 

“How could you do something like this Grant?” Alexandra said blinking profusely. It was most likely shock. She was a tough woman. Crying was never her thing. She only did so when the moment called for it. Even then she would hide behind closed doors and let it all out. He remembered as kids when her grandma died and she shut herself in her room for days refusing to see anyone. It was evident now she was swallowing her tears as much as she could. “Those your teammates seem to love you and trust you…...and you betray them by running off with what is supposed to be your enemy when you are backed in a corner? Or is it longer than that?”

Grant gulped the sound louder than any possible words could describe or even convey. Even if he lied to her at this point, the guilt was written on his face. For so long he was able to hide this, from May, Coulson, hell even Skye without even blinking. But this was the exact reason he was so scared to connect with Alexandra again. John Garrett had told him love was weakness…..

And with his need to be loved…..actually fucking loved, satisfied, his defenses were down and the words were never more true. And Grant Douglas Ward was a dead man…it was a double edged sword, either way way he was going to lose. 

"Oh my god it was much longer than that," She started scrambling through the room for her clothes. She was breathing heavily. In through her nose out through her mouth nervous agitated. She was doing anything and everything to make sure she didn't start sobbing in front of him, she roughly threw on her lingerie, tank top, top to her Atlantis uniform, not even bothering to adjust "I should have known it was too good to be true. When I saw you on that roster. Of course I find you again and you turn out to be HYDRA, the very same group that killed countless people in a manner of seconds. kill more-"

"Please let me explain," Grant said raising his hands. He had to face the inevitable. Alexandra was never going to to look at him the same way again. She would no longer see him as the vulnerable boy who took blows to save his brother Thomas. She would no longer see him as the boy who won her heart. The fire in her eyes told him she was from ever looking her the same way again. But despite this she deserved to know the truth.

"Fine," she said. "Explain."

Grant slowly sat on the bed. He folded his hands on his lap. He hesitated for a moment. This was a story he thought he would be taking to his grave, with a bullet to his head either by S.H.I.E.L.D, HYDRA or just some enemy. And he was telling it to who was once his nearest and dearest confidant.

It was only fitting that if this story was finally going to be told it would be told to her.

He took a deep breath and began to tell her everything. He started with how he escaped from military school one night. He stole a car and made his way over to his parents summer home. He split gasoline all over the floors. The furniture. Any surface. He was moments away from lighting it when Christian came into the room with a friend. He was subdued and taken to Jail. Surprisingly she never flinched. She always thought Christian was a smug bastard, especially the time he tried to get her into bed with him to make Grant on edge.

He then went on to say how John Garrett came to him in Jail like a white fucking knight. True the young boy was wary of this random stranger randomly breaking into jail with his posse, telling him he was part of S.H.I.E.L.D. when it was far from the sort. But Grant was desperate. He wanted to be free, he wanted to get out and get out fast. So he followed him. The next story was the woods. Grant told Alexandra he was abandoned with only his loyal companion buddy for the next five years, with every once in a while Garrett coming to terrorize him in some way. He learned to hunt. To survive. When those five years were up. Garrett came back saying, the truth, he was really part of HYDRA. The words shook him to the core. But he thought Garrett’s extreme training had made him nothing but stronger. 

His task had begun. Walk the ranks of SHIELD, get good marks, take down the system when the time came. But before he did he made him one final task. Kill Buddy. He cringed at that. He tried but he couldn’t. So he let the dog run free. He still didn’t know what happened to that damn dog. Did he find a new home? Did Garrett kill him? He wasn’t sure it was five years ago the thing was most likely dead by now. But the cold sting of his first of his many betrayals towards the people he loved had hit him like a ton of bricks now that everything was in focus. 

The rage had diminished from her eyes. Was it because Alexandra read the guilt over the damn dog? Or she was starting to see how tormented and torn to his loyalties he was now after 10 years of following blind faith.

“So I did it,” Grant said softly, “Joined S.H.I.E.L.D. got high ranks, became a specialist. It was so easy. I worked on my own. No emotional attachments. No ways to compromise my behavior. And then….I was assigned to Coulsons team. Believe me I tried to resist caring for them. Tried to think nothing to me. But as I got to know them…..Everything changed. It was the first time I was around warmth and kindness….I almost forgot I-”

“You were part of HYDRA?” Alexandra said. 

Grant nodded his head. She took the words right out of his mouth.

“Everything changed when Garrett came to work with the team,” Grant said. He remembered the chill that went down his spine when he saw his face again. Despite rage over other things, when reality hit like a ton of bricks at the mere reminded he was working against his team and not for them, everything he knew was shattered. It was why the rage and the darkness came back. He was angry at the injustice at how far his life had be screwed over, that when something good came….even that would be fucked up. “It jumpstarted the debate for me….what side am I on. Who am I working for….who should I betray. It was why I shut myself out….avoided them….avoided you. I don’t know I am just…..so angry with myself for letting myself get close. I wish…..my ability not to feel not to care...was still there….but its not…”

Alexandra slowly knelt down in front of Grant. She slowly put his hands to his knees. She rubbed them in slow and gentle motions. She still looked upset over the whole thing but at least the rage in her eyes was gone, for now.

“Grant, the fact that the team made you feel and care the same way I once did is a good thing,” Alexandra said softly, “John Garrett and HYDRA have done nothing but screwed you over. I don’t know much about S.H.I.E.L.D. but I know they are loyal to their own….and I am sure if you told Agent Coulson he would understand….your team would understand. They will protect you….what are you afraid of?” 

“I don’t think you get it Alexandra….” Grant growled, he stayed perfectly still part of him wanted to get up get her hands off him but he stayed looking at her solemnly “If I had the power to I would. But if I owe Garrett everything. If It weren't for him I would be in jail rotting away. I can’t just drop anything because I feel compromised by my teammates.” 

“No,” Alexandra said rising to her feet. She picked up her pants and boots and started to put them on. He was silent as his eyes remained on her. He tasted blood as he continued to bite the inside of his lip. When she stood up she stared at him, any trace of a sympathetic look was gone all that was left was a fiery dismayed look in her eyes. “You can’t escape Garrett because you are a coward. The Grant Ward I used to stand in front of Thomas as a human shield and let Christian beat him until he got tired, now you can’t tell your teammates who you seem to care a lot about over a man who terrorized you. Do you know how moronic you sound? You are not the Grant Ward I fell for….you’re an imposter.”

Grant slowly rose to his feet. She was right. He wasn’t the same boy she knew and grew up with. He made peace with the fact a long time ago. He wasn’t selfless, he was selfish. It was evident in the way he was trying to get her not to leave the room in slightly in fears she would run immediately to Coulson and tell him the truth. even though….he was hating himself for hurting her. He wasn’t brave, he was a coward. He couldn’t break free of Garrett’s grasp out of fear of both what will happen to him and being left to fend for himself again. He wasn’t honest he was a liar. To his team and….to himself. 

He kept this hidden and he kept this buried about how much this hurt him. He had to keep going. But now….she was bringing it to the surface…..how much he HATED himself more than ever. 

“Please don’t go,” He simply said, “stay and we can talk about this.” 

“Are you asking me to stay because you fear I am going to rat you out?” Alexandra said folding her arms, “I won’t because ratting you out will only just enable you to continue to do what you’ve been doing now….lying to yourself. You want to leave you want to side with your friends because you are frightened to leave him. And you know what…...if you can’t be honest to yourself….how could you be honest to me.”

“Alex….wait,” He cried out. 

It was too late. She was already out the door. Out of sight and out of mind. He was dead silent for a moment. Breathing in and breathing out heavily. He felt the familiar burn of anger running through his veins and pounding in his heart. Hot and on fire, wild and raging. The words kept repeating in his head….you’re a coward, you’re a coward. It wasn’t just Alexandra saying...it was Garrett…..it was Coulson….it was Skye….it was May….fuck….it was the entire team.

He wanted it to stop. He didn’t want to hear the truth any longer. And there was one way he knew how to make it stop.

“ARGH!!!!” He roared.

He grabbed the lamp, probably 1000 years old and threw it against the wall. It shattered into a million pieces. He punched things. The pillow, the wall until his knuckles bled. He pulled out draws. Ripped sheets, threw clothes anything he unleash his anger on without hurting anyone else….

He done enough of that already…..

By the time he finished it was as if there was a storm that blew into the room. It was a mess.

* * *

“Do you realize Agent Ward….some of the furniture in that room is over 1,000 years old? Built by the Agents,” Elizabeth said slamming the file on the table. John sat right next to her with his arms folded. Grant could feel their eyes burning a hole into him. “We and the SGC trust us to use and live in this city and not to vandalize it.” 

“And not to destroy it in a hissy fit,” John added. Elizabeth turned her head over to him and back to Grant.

“Agent Ward under the advice of Agent May and Agent Coulson we’ve been patient,” Elizabeth said, “we did not go after you even though from the moment you’ve arrived we were highly suspicious of your ties to HYDRA…..but you’ve been withdrawn avoidance of activities and interaction and now you’ve destroyed property….and more evidence against you has come to light…”

There was a swish of the doors and Phil and Melinda came through them briskly. Now things were going to go from bad to much worse. 

“You should have called us.” Phil said standing behind Grant. His eyes looking down with sympathy. Grant had to look away. Alexandra’s words to him made it more difficult to accept his kindness than it did before. Now it stung. “After all he is my teammate.”

No….he wasn’t. He was only masquerading as one.

“Agent Coulson…” Elizabeth said sternly as she looked up at him, “we would have if the circumstances didn’t call for us to speak with Agent Ward immediately. Last night Agent Ward damaged Atlantis property and not only that…..as you know we have aerial security cameras that move around the city. One of them….caught this.”

Grant stood up in his seat as the screen in the back came to life. There was no sound...but it didn't need sound. It was incriminating enough. He was on his communicator pacing back and forth nervously. His face twisted in shock and fear. He then stood still hands gripping the railing before throwing it across the Balcony. 

He first caught a glimpse of Melinda’s face. There was a mixture of shock and anger that grazed her features. He knew the cavalry well enough that one fact reigned true. Melinda valued trust and honesty and now evidence proved he betrayed her trust. 

Phil only swallowed. He turned his head over to Melinda before walking over to the front of the room where John and Elizabeth sat. His usually bright and optimistic blue eyes were dark. Was it rage? Was it anger? Was it confusion? Was it sadness? It was hard to read. Grant sat up in his seat. His fingernails begin move in a vertical motion on the top of the table. He was trying his best to keep his composure.

But it was beginning to fail and crumble bit every hour that had past since the rise of Hydra and the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. 

The Agent raised his head and narrowed his eyes.

“Grant,” He said with his stern yet calm voice, familiar to all when he was calmly disciplining he and his other teammates, “I didn’t want to believe you could be working for the other team when you had been such a devoted and caring Agent to our other team members. However….the way you have been behaving and now this video has told me otherwise…...Grant Ward, I can’t believe I have to ask this…”

His eyes changed….they weren’t filled with Rage or any of the sort. They were filled with disappointment. Just as disappointed as Alexandra’s were just hours ago. Grant took a sharp breath….he never saw those eyes show that emotion before other than hers. 

“Keep in mind...after I ask you,” Phil said swallowing once again, “if you tell me the truth….we will not only make sure you are protected from the enemy. But because you have helped us time and time again I will personally to see to it that you will have a very lenient punishment or immunity when this is over for your cooperation….as we are under a different command, it will be Doctor Weir’s decision on what to do with you. But if you lie to me….I promise you I will not be so kind…..now….Are you part of HYDRA?”

Grant hesitated with his answer. There were two things battling his answer. Garrett. Yes….at stage he hated and hell even regretted working for him. But at the same time he threatened him and the people he cared about working with. He almost made him kill buddy and a whole host of betrayals along the way. 

Then there was Coulson. He was the complete opposite of Garrett. But the older and wiser Agent looking back in retrospect have given Grant something Garrett and even his parents had given him. He posed as a person who looked out for him, cared for him. It was why Phil looked so…..disappointed that he was a traitor the whole time and was even offering lenient punishment for helping the team. 

Grant and Alexandra’s fight may have destroyed him and made him angry….but opened up a truth. He was afraid to break away from a man who done nothing but a whole world of hurt to him and he was turning away from the people who really did care for him.

Even if he was locked away for god knows how long…..it was time to tell the truth. It was time to own up for his lies. It was time to be the man Alexandra had fell in love with all those years ago. He looked up. Chest and body tense and his heart racing. 

“Yes,” Grant firmly, “I am part of HYDRA but I can explain everything.”

Phil lowered his head. He couldn’t look him in the eye. Melinda took a sharp breath and turned her back towards him. Grant could see through her shoulders she was breathing heavily out of anger, her fists curling. She looked like she was ready to punch the wall.

“There is nothing to explain Agent Ward,” Elizabeth said slowly rising to her feet, “as of now you pose a security threat….especially since we got contact from Earth….that there was gate activity coming from Egypt. Now that HYDRA could possibly access the city through the Gate the city is at risk. We cannot have that” She turned her head to John. “Colonel Sheppard….restrain Agent Ward and take him to the cells.”

Melinda winced quietly as she brought her hand to her face. She was obviously shocked. But she managed to gain composure and walk to Phil’s side running her hand down his back. John got up from his seat pulling out a pair of zip ties. They were prepared for Grant to admit the truth from the moment he came into the goddamn room. 

“Stand up Agent Ward.” John simply said. Grant could have ran he could have run to get Garrett but he listened to Colonel Sheppard’s orders and rose to his feet. “I really didn’t want to have to do this to you dude but I am under orders.” 

Grant felt his hands roughly pulled behind his back, he grunted at that. But he kept his breathing calm and steady as he felt the rough plastic being secured around his skin.

“Agent Coulson,” He said. Phil lifted his head and blinked. Melinda just stood there furrowing her brow, taking away any hint of disappointment and hurt she may have. “I just want you to know…..that….I really cared about the team and as of late….I regretted betraying you…..but it was all Garrett...and any punishment you see fit I am willing to receive….all right Colonel Sheppard you can take me to my cell.” 

With that John grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the room. The walk of shame was hard as it was difficult. 

The first group he passed was Bobbi, Triplett and Hunter. They looked like they had just came out of training. The moment Triplett saw the cuffs around his wrists, he put two and two together.

“Son of a bitch!” Trip screamed, he was just as angry the moment he found out Garrett who he had been working with for years turned out to be a HYDRA agent. Bobbi and Hunter had to hold him back. He roared and clawed before he collapsed into Hunter’s arms breathing heavily. Gently, the usually callous S.H.I.E.L.D. mercenary ran his hand up and down his back. 

Then it was the lab. Fitz stood by large glass door. There was a beaker in his hand with some form of smokey liquid. It fell out of his hand and onto the floor beneath him. Glass shattered into a million pieces. Grant could see through his shoulders Fitz took a sharp and deep breath before falling to his knees onto the floor. The head of science Rodney McKay was pointing screaming and flailing for a moment before stopping to see the reasoning. His lips read “son of a bitch”. Agent Alphonso Mackenzie knelt to the floor beside Fitz rubbing his back as he shook vigorously. 

Fitz always saw the good in people. But now his faith was shaken knowing someone he saw as good was a traitor. 

Jemma was next. Large crowds had begun to gather as they passed, word was beginning to spread like wildfire. As the passed the crowd of Doctor’s Jemma pushed her way to the front before she stood before Grant and John. She looked angry, betrayed.

“Agent Simmons,” John said keeping his grip tightly on Grant in case he wanted to escape, “you need to move.”

She didn’t answer. She just smacked Grant as hard as she could. Surprisingly it was rough. Grant could feel his face on fire. He didn’t realize she could be so vicious when she was angry. People gently grabbed Jemma by the arms and pulled her away. 

“How dare you lie to us!” Jemma cried out as she was gently taken away from the scene, “we trusted you!”

Her words drowned out as Grant was pulled forward. 

A few more halls a few more corridors. Thankfully he saw no one important other than Darcy, Barton and Romanoff with wide eyes. And then suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the next person. John was trying to pull him away but his feet remained planted on the floor. Skye was standing there with her eyes watering. Rowan was standing there blinking.

There was a time Grant felt something for her. Seeing Skye in such a state of shock and hurt was piercing and rattling through his bones. 

“No,” She whispered. She started shaking her head back and forth vigorously before Rowan gently squeezed her shoulder. “No, no, no, no, NO!” 

“Skye,” Grant said moving closer to Skye. John kept pulling at him but Grant kept resisting moving as close as he could, “I am sorry it had to be this way….but now you know the truth.”

She fell into his arms. Rowan pulled her close resting his chin on the temple of her head. He ran her hand over her back rocking her in a soothing motion. He was comforting her in a way Grant knew he never could. There was a sense of calm at that. At least she had someone to care for her...better than he ever could. 

“Ronon thank god I need help with this one he’s starting to resist,” John called out the grip on Grant was much tighter. At the corner of his eye he watched as the much larger man who was constantly at Teyla’s side and gripped him tightly by the arm. Ronon’s grip was much tighter and much rougher than John’s. With a rough jerk Grant was pulled away. His feet lifting off the ground. 

“Take care of her Rowan!” Grant called out as he was pulled down the hall, “Take better care of her than I ever would.”

Rowan furrowed his his brow. But he simply bowed his head gently acknowledging him. Even if he tried to answer. Grant knew he wouldn’t have time to respond due to the stutter often delaying his speech. 

There was one more person who stopped him. Grant felt two arms wrap around his waist and body heat. He looked down and saw Alexandra. Her eyes were closed as she buried her head in his chest. Grant wanted to hug her. He tried to. But the rough plastic of the zip ties brushed against his skin. The only thing he could do was rest his head on her temple.

“I did it because of you, you know,” Grant whispered to her quietly, “I wouldn’t have done it if you haven’t said what you did.”

“I know,” Alexandra whispered back, “It was why I gave you the push….I am proud of you….I love you.”

For the first time in a long time he smiled gently and without a hint of hesitation and with honesty he whispered back:

“I love you too.”

“Lieutenant Kennsington I know this is painful but we have to take Agent Ward to his cell,” John ordered.

She gently kissed Grant. It was small, it was quick…..but it was perfect. She stepped back and let her superior officer do what they were ordered to do. As he was pulled away, Grant turned his head and kept his eyes on Alexandra as she shrunk in the distance. 

It was a heavy sense of irony. He was going to be locked away probably deep in the bowels of Atlantis….but for the first time he felt calm, he felt safe…..he felt free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:
> 
> Everyone must put their dismay over Ward's betrayal aside when they are forced to deal with an emergency situation off world, however in the process, Coulson is abducted by an enemy of Atlantis.


	9. change in the wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with the fallout of Ward's betrayal goes on the back burner when Colonel Sheppard and Coulson's team are called out to fight a hostile force attacking their allies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did win NaNoWriMo! It just took me a long time to post this chapter XD. Remember Kudos and comments are love.

The weeping coming from the Coulson-May living quarters was was loud and almost clear by the time Elizabeth made it to the door. The leader of the Atlantis expedition couldn’t even imagine what their team was going through. One minute they were around someone they loved and trusted and the next they turned out to be someone they were not. Nevertheless she still had to do what was right to protect the good of the city. She knocked on the door lightly but it immediately opened on its own. She walked into the darkened room. 

“Agent Coulson, Agent May,” Elizabeth called out. 

“In here,” Phil replied. 

She walked slowly into the bedroom quarters of the chambers, where she quickly spotted the family. Skye was sobbing, her body shaking vigorously. Her head was resting on her father’s lap. Phil ran his hand gently through her hair. Melinda’s hand was on her back running it gently up and down her spine.

“She was the closest to Agent Ward,” Melinda said gently as she looked up at Elizabeth, “Finding out the news has been difficult for her.” 

Phil bent down and whispered in Skye’s ear. Skye immediately got off his lap and settled into Melinda’s instead. He pointed out the door as he rose to his feet. Elizabeth followed him out into the hallway. When the door shut behind him and leaned against the wall and folded his arms. The sadness and the anger was written on his face.

“Agent Coulson I know finding out about Agent Ward is very difficult for you,” Elizabeth said to him, “and you are probably angry at me for taking action…but I thought I would tell you personally I had to imprison Agent Ward because he could be a danger to this entire expedition. I had to do what was necessary to keep you and the people of this city safe. Agent Ward will be fed well and be kept comfortably until your mission is completed.” 

“I am not mad at you Dr. Weir you are a leader and as someone who leads his own team you must always do what is right for your people,” Phil said gently, he didn’t look her in the eye, he instead kept his gaze on the floor, “To be quite honest I am angry at myself...I let him in our team. Trusted him. He was a valued member and this whole time he turned out to be HYDRA…..I am usually much sharper. If I would have known my team was in danger this whole time...”

In some aspects Phil reminded Elizabeth of John. He put people before himself….especially the people he cared for. He would be injured or die if it meant his love ones were safe. And when he failed to do that he would feel like a complete failure. 

“You couldn’t have known Agent Coulson,” Elizabeth responded. She comfortingly rested her hand on Phil’s shoulder, “Agent Ward’s record told us he was good at lying. Some people had that ability to make you see what you like to see then betray you. Don’t blame yourself Agent…..you are a good leader.” 

Phil smirked and then looked up at her with a small grin on his face. 

“Now I know why Colonel Sheppard is so smitten with you,” He said he looked a bit more relaxed than he did before. But still Elizabeth could tell there was still a bit of lament about Agent Ward written on his kind features. It would pass eventually...but she had a funny feeling it wouldn’t be soon. 

“Don’t be a kiss up Coulson,” Elizabeth said with a small chuckle.

Phil opened his mouth to respond when an alarm blarred throughout the hallways. Seconds later John was standing in front of them trying to catch his breath. Either Grant Ward was being a difficult prisoner or he ran to inform her that something was wrong. 

“Elizabeth we just got a call from the people of MXH-211,” John said sternly, “they are under attack.”

“Wraith Culling?” Elizabeth said tilting her head to the side. They have aided planets before in various forms of attacks, whether it be by one of Atlantis’ known enemies or hostiles on a different part of the planet. They usually tried to avoid wraith cullings as painful as it was because the loss of life was usually high when they would aid people against the wraith.

“No actually…” John had said suddenly, “The Genii….they teamed up with an unknown group of people with highly advanced weapons….if you allow Teyla, Ronon and I and a few of our millitary members to go off world to help, we’re going to need Rowan to identify if it’s Ladon’s or Kolya’s…..as twisted as it sounds I am hoping it’s Ladon’s.”

“Either way,” Phil said sternly, his brow suddenly furrowing. He knew who the Genii were working for and the idea angered him, “I am willing to bet my life the people who are working for the Genii are indeed HYDRA and you are going to need our help. Agent May and I could gather our combat trained operatives to help you. Especially since we know what we are dealing with.” 

“I don’t think that is wise Agent Coulson your team has yet to go off world,” Elizabeth said with a look of a concern on her face.

“Actually as much as I don’t want to I agree,” John said turning to Phil before turning back to Elizabeth, “if Coulson and his combat trained operatives know what we are dealing with. Then they could help us greatly.”

Elizabeth took a deep breath and looked at Agent Coulson before turning her head back to John.

“Fine….” Elizabeth said quietly, “I’ll allow it.” 

John’s determined yet stern eyes landed on Phil.

“It looks like we are working together,” He said with a small smile on his face, “take your teammates and meet us in the jumper bay in 10 minutes.”

* * *

“Absolutely not!” Phil said folding his arms. It was enough he felt out of place here not wearing his typical suit and jacket, instead wearing a kevlar over a button down shirt and tie. But when Skye arrived with Rowan both dressed up in tactical gear uniform and with guns in their hands Phil couldn’t help but be nervous. “I am still not sure if you are ready for combat yet.”

“Dad if I stay here I am going to both mope about Grant and worry about Rowan,” Skye said putting the strap of her gun over her shoulder. She could read he was probably still nervous because of her being shot and almost dying “I rather just go on the mission, besides not only was I trained by Grant who even though turned out to be a HYDRA scumbag had good combat moves but Rowan taught me some awesome Genii Stick tricks.” Skye gently knocked her fist against her Kevlar showing its hollowness, “Besides these Kevlar vests are pretty strong Ward said he was blasted a few times in the chest but he still lived. Probably if Ian Quinn came in with a Bazooka I’d probably be okay.” 

“Now I don’t think these things could go against Bazooka’s,” Phil said raising an eyebrow, “but you know my worry Skye. I’ve seen images of what the Genii could do.” Rowan’s eyes left Phil’s and looked down to the ground beneath him. “And I am not judging you Rowan. I have known you for a couple of days and I know you are not like your father...but what I am saying is these guys are dangerous and there is no GH-325 or miracle cures here like there were last time. And now that I am a father I worry about these things.”

“Look if I stand by this gorgeous young hunk of a former Genii Soldier the entire time we are there,” Skye said running her hand gently down Rowan’s arm. The young man blushed wildly before looking down at his feet, “And I keep into contact then could are you going to trust me to go? Or am I going to ask mom?”

Phil turned his head behind him. Melinda hated wearing tactical gear and she hated carrying weapons. She always did. But according to Atlantis regulation she did much of a choice. She was finished securing her vest carefully pulling her hair out of the back.He made a small smile as she gently smoothed her hair. 

“She’s 24 Phil,” Melinda said walking over to the group, “legally she is able to make her own decisions. But I trust Private Kolya will be able to protect her.” 

“Look at that,” Skye said elbowing Rowan gently in the arm, his blush became even wildler. Phil had to admit, considering Ward ended up being HYDRA, he was slightly relieved that she managed to find someone else rather than to continue to be with a man who lied to her and would dangle her like a piece of meat to John Garrett if he had to. True Phil was a bit wary over the fact Rowan was the son of a probably diagnosed psychopath, but despite this Rowan ended up being a good boy with good values and a good heart, “the cavalry trusts you…” Melinda’s face shifted into a scolding look, “sorry I forgot you didn’t like to be called that mom….but I was making a point….you can trust him.” 

“Ag-ag-agent C-C-Coulson Ag-ag-agent M-M-May I w-will g-g-guard w-w-with my l-l-life,” Rowan said he lifted his head proudly, “if m-m-my f-father is th-th-there h-h-h-he w-w-won’t t-t-touch h-h-her w-w-with a t-t-ten f-f-foot p-p-pole.”

Phil nodded his head and grinned.

“If Melinda and Skye trust you Private Kolya I trust you as well,” He said gently, “but if you are not good on your word and my daughter gets hurt….I promise you I will grab you by the collar and take your ass to one of the loneliest planets in the galaxy.”

“Phil,” Melinda whispered quietly walking over to his side. Skye was giggling a little which was helping Rowan not be alarmed by her father.

“What?” Phil said “Aren’t dad’s supposed to do that? You know threaten potential suitors. Besides I would have been much worse if she was still Ward. I would have threaten to tie him upside down by his ankles over a bat of hungry genetically modified tarantulas that spat out fire if he ever broke Skye’s heart.” 

Melinda only rolled her eyes at the comment.

“Agent Coulson,” Triplett said walking in from behind him for, “If you were Lance’s father I’d probably be pissing in my pants right now. You are one scary dad.”

“I am not scared actually,” Lance responded gun casually resting against his shoulder, “Considering the scary demonic Hell-” 

“If you call me that one more time Lance especially since we’re about to head into battle,” Bobbi said swinging the fighting sticks in her hands….Clint had always said that was her way to prepare for a mission. Phil’s eyes gazed around the room to see if he and Natasha had arrived yet. He was in the corner looking at his arrows, probably a few blast and trap arrows, “I will shove one of them up your ass.”

“Can we not try not to kill each other before the mission starts,” John had walked in decked in his Atlantis uniform gun already in his hand. Ronon and Teyla had followed with battle faces on. The Colonel looked around the room at the people there. His eyes stopped in the corner where Rodney was talking to a mission dressed Agent Simmons. “Rodney you decided to join us.”

“Actually I am not you know my experience with the Genii, I rather not risk it!” Rodney said with a small smile on his face, “I came to wish Agents Simmons good luck.”

“Jemma Wait!” Fitz said running in behind him, “I didn’t want you to go without this. I didn’t know if I could do it with all the lack of ingredients here but I made you….” Fitz pulled out a small bag, “Pesto and Aioli sandwich like you so often gave me before my missions”

“Oh Fitz that is so sweet,” Jemma said with a small smile on her face as she took the bag, she gently kissed him on the cheek, “I don’t think I’ll have time to eat it but...if I have time before the mission I will a munch of it. I also told Darcy and she was very thrilled about this that if anything were to happen to me to take good care of you. I am sure you Dr. McKay and Agent Mack will take very good care of him.”

“You won’t have to worry Agent Simmons because you’ll have this,” Rodney said pulling a replica sonic screwdriver out of his pocket. Jemma’s eyes lit up in wonder as he handed it to her. Fitz only groaned and turned his head away. “My lucky sonic screwdriver...it’s my prized possession. This baby had helped through the most dangerous of missions. If Commander Kolya gets you...point this thing at him and say you will incinerate him in two minutes.”

“RODNEY” John yelled from across the room, “Stop flirting with Agent Simmons we need her.” Jemma kissed both Rodney and Fitz on the cheek as she made her way to join the group, “Alright guys. I thought we would split into two teams. One will be for rescue and recovery and don’t worry you’ll get to kick some Genii asses still and the other will be for complete ground assault. The reason being both Agent May and myself are pilots with the ATA gene and since she was trained she can fly a jumper now. So Agent May you get to run the recovery team if thats okay with you.”

“I don’t mind,” She said quietly.

“Good,” John said looking at the group, “Now my group will consist of the following people this espionage and combat skills. That will be myself. Ronon, Agent Romanoff, Agent Morse, Agent Triplett, and Agent Coulson.”

Phil lifted his head for a moment. It wasn’t that he was fearful that him and John working together would be disastrous…..it was just that….he felt safer around Melinda, especially since the fear that he would die on a mission grew substantially since Loki stabbed him in the heart with a Asgardian sceptre. The fact he had the one person who always had his back even when violent men descended upon them not there…...made him fearful.

“Colonel Sheppard I rather work with Agent May we do better as a team,” Phil said keeping his voice composed.

“I understand that but we need everyone to be on alert and focus,” John said pointing at Melinda and Phil simultaneously, “and I don’t know what is going on between you two but we cannot have personal matters get in the way of this mission. It could risk our lives. I would be doing the same thing if Elizabeth was with us. And as you notice Ronon and Teyla are not together, Agents Triplett and Hunter are not together and Agents Romanoff and Barton are not together. You are not being singled out this is so no one is distracted and military strategy isn’t used against us..” 

“M-m-my f-f-father h-h-has tr-tr-trained m-m-many of th-the s-s-soldiers to use ps-ps-psychological w-w-warf-f-fare as w-w-well as ph-ph-physical,” Rowan added in. Phil took a deep breath. The kid had an inside view of what went on with the enemy’s stragedy, it was what Colonel Sheppard was basing his plan on “if s-s-some im-im-important w-w-was n-n-n-near y-y-you th-they w-w-would use it ag-ag-against you.” 

“I am going to have to agree Phil,” Melinda said nodding her head in agreement, “if we are focused on each others safety rather than taking the Genii down and getting civilians away from danger. Besides I think you will be safe surrounded by skilled fighters."

"Now that you have the reasoning are you okay with the mission strategy agent Coulson?" John asked raising an eyebrow. Phil nodded his head. He didn't have much of a choice but to accept. “Good Melinda your team has a double job...get the villagers to safety and fight off any antagonizers you think you can do that?”

Melinda nodded her head. Phil couldn’t help but feel relief that her job wasn’t to take out as much as the enemy as possible. It would mean history was doomed to repeat itself and with Grant Ward imprisoned for his HYDRA allegiance he couldn’t afford to have Melinda be emotionally compromised.

“As long as my task deals more with protecting the villagers I am fine with it,” Melinda said gently.

“Good,” John said looking at the crowd, “With that said Melinda and I will each be flying the jumpers into the city. My team we will discuss how we will split and attack the enemy. If god forbid it becomes too much for us….Elizabeth has a team on standby. Good luck everybody and lets load up.”

Everyone started moving to their respective places. At the corner of his eye he watched as Clint blew Natasha a kiss and Triplett and Hunter had a quick “good luck make out” before Bobbi screamed at Trip to move his ass. Phil and Melinda turned to face each other. He didn’t know why, he felt himself staring at her like it was the last time he was going to ever see her. Was it fear after Loki he was going to get another stab through the heart? Was it fear she was going to die?

He never had that happen to him before. It was because for the most part when he was heading into combat. He would go in with Melinda at his side. He would know she was there protecting him. He would know where she was.

“You going to be okay?” Melinda asked.

Phil’s hand unconsciously moved his hand to Melinda’s and took it in his own. It wasn’t shaking. Melinda had learned to control it. But it was hot and sweaty a sign she was nervous. Whether she was nervous about Bahrain happening again or him dying again he wasn’t sure but he squeezed it tightly.

“I hope so...I mean as long as there’s no Asgardians with pointy objects I’ll be fine,” Phil said gently, “And you?”

Melinda didn’t answer. All she did was lean in slowly and without a single ounce of warning her lips gently touched his. Of course her lips did not taste like cherry lip gloss like it did when they were young adults in the academy, but it tasted just as sweet knowing this was the first kiss they shared in years after angst, trauma and death. He closed his eyes as the kiss lingered for however long it did, minutes or seconds, it felt like it lasted forever….but not long enough. 

Melinda pulled back, running her hands up and down his arms gently. He felt lightheaded and floaty in a good way. Her hands were the only thing keeping him from flying away. A small smile grazed his lips. 

“Sorry I just needed something to keep me from...well just in case this turns out like Bahrain,” Melinda said.

“It’s fine….I think I needed it too,” Phil said his eyes not leaving hers, “You keep your mind on that and Skye….and you will be okay. You are the strongest woman I know. I know you will refuse to let yourself break. And when you get back...maybe you can kiss me properly…” John cleared his throat from behind him. Phil turned his head to John and gave him a small smile, “Give me a second.”

Phil turned to Melinda one last time. This time he leaned in and kissed her again. This time he added a bit more passion into his kiss, he wanted to remember it. He wanted it to be if god forbid he was injured or captured along with Skye’s smile to be one of the things to keep him going. Satisfied he stepped back and squeezed her her arm.

“Stay safe,” Melinda said giving him a small reassuring smile reluctantly letting him go.

“I will,” Phil said. 

With one last smile he made his way to the jumper. Melinda’s eyes remained on him before he descended on him into the jumper bay. She took a deep breath. She kept her optimism. When the mission was over, he was going to walk out of the jumper. Maybe a few cuts, maybe a few bruises but safe and sound, and maybe tonight…..maybe tonight would be the night they would put the beds together.

“Will it make you feel better if I told you I be partners with him,” A voice said. Her eyes looked over and to her surprise John was standing there with a gun in his hand. His eyes narrow and cautious incase she said no or lashed out. True they had been civil. But they were still a powder keg waiting to explode at any moment, “Keep my eye on him out there.”

“Will you keep him safe?” Melinda asked. She was cautious, she was hoping this was something that he was doing just to reel her in and take back on his word.

“I can’t make any promises,” John said softly, “But I can at least try. I will make sure he doesn’t get out of my sight.”

Melinda looked to the dirty floor of the puddle jumper bay before lifting his head back up at John. She couldn’t believe she was trusting him….but it was at least it was a way to know that someone had his eye on Phil. 

“Thank you,” She said with a small smile, “and stay safe out there.” 

John only smiled back at her and responded:

“You too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:
> 
> Phil makes a heroic move to protect John and Melinda is not too happy about it.


	10. peace in a time of war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Phil bound for the first time, prompting Phil make a rather daring and foolish decision to save John's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the really long delay. Obviously I had other projects in the way. BUT I shall be continuing this for NaNoWriMo! YAY! Enjoy

“You are going to stay by me the whole time Coulson,” John said as they walked around the empty streets of the village. Phil was surprised. He expected the moment he walked out of the cloaked puddle jumper that streets would be filled with soldiers shooting at them from left to right. It was what he had seen in the war movies. While the streets were filled with smoke and debris from the weapons there was no one in the streets. Only the weird looking space animals that occasionally passed byl, “You aint getting out of my sight. Not even for a minute.”

“I figured as much Colonel Sheppard,” Phil said keeping eyes scanning around the war torn area. If there was one thing Phil Coulson had come to learn when something was too quiet..it meant someone could be in hiding waiting for them to shoot. “Did Melinda put you up to it? If that is the case I am quite surprised she didn’t ask Agent Romanoff or Agent Triplett to do it.”

Natasha and Triplett were partnered together. It was of course a rather interesting combination as they came from different backgrounds and had different styles. But he had to say, with Natasha’s espionage skills and Triplett’s skills he learned from his Grandparents Peggy Carter and Gabriel Jones, the mental picture of the two of them kicking ass and taking names of various Genii soldiers was quite an amusing sight to imagine 

“First of all please call me John,” John said looking ahead of him seeing if there were any soldiers coming to attack them, “I feel like some uptight uptight grumpy old man when you call me that. Second of all I volunteered she rather scared letting you go off on your own.” 

“Well I don’t blame her,” Phil said looking down at the dirt road beneath him, “She was there when I died. Never exactly got the image out of her head. It was just as traumatizing as Bahrain.”

John turned his head to Phil. His eyes widened to the size of saucers. He was trying to process of information. But Phil wasn’t wasn’t surprised. He did the typical thing others did when he mentioned he died. He looked at him up and down scanning him to see if he was some form of a zombie or what not. He then reached his hand and touched Phil’s cheek slowly to make sure he wasn’t some ghost, even though he did shake his hand before.

“Sorry,” John said looking ahead of him, “I mean….it’s not everyday someone says they died and you know they are still alive, walking breathing doing things live people do. Your file said you were gravely injured….not you actually dying...So they managed to resuscitate you do some Frankenstein shit or something like that?”

“It’s a long story and I really don’t like talking about it unless I have to,” Phil responded. He wasn’t exactly ready to look at John in the eye. “But I understand your shock. Many others are. I mean I was pretty shocked too...I mean one moment I was on the floor bleeding to death with a staff through my heart and the next…..a bright light came….and I was alive….I still have dreams….I still have nightmares about it….but surprisingly I’m getting better.” 

“Melinda has been helping you hasn’t she?” John said raising an eyebrow. Phil remained quiet. He wasn’t sure if he was antagonizing him or he was just trying keep up with conversation. “Look I am not trying to start a fight or anything. If there was one thing having you know….intruding our city helped me realize.” Phil couldn’t help but chuckle at John’s sarcastic remark, “It wasn’t going to work between me and her. Melinda always had eyes for you….there was a sparkle she had when she looked at you. Like her world became a little brighter. Besides….when Bahrain happened I was focused more on my shit than hers. You’re more patient than me. Take it as a compliment.”

“Thanks,” Phil responded. He was usually humble someone who would take compliments and feel he didn’t deserve it at times but even if there was truth he wouldn’t gloat, “Anyway, yes she has been. How could I describe it. With Elizabeth, had you ever had something so dark happen to you….and you feel like the world is in black in white….and then all of a sudden. You look at her and it’s bright….and it's full of color again.”

John closed his eyes for a moment. He remembered how everything with Kolya happened. He felt worn out, tired and ripped apart at the seams. John Sheppard, the hero of Atlantis, who wasn’t afraid to run in the face of danger, didn’t know if he was ever going to feel the same way again. But when he walked through the gate and saw Elizabeth standing there with a bright smile on her face waiting to hold him into her arms. He knew everything was going to be okay. And it wasn’t the first time. John experienced this plenty of times. 

“Yeah” He said, “very often.”

“That’s what she does to me John,” Phil said his lips curling into a smile as he spoke, “When I have my nightmares, my fears, my doubts, she’s always there. She holds me. She touches me, she tells me everything is going to be okay. And when she smiles and though it has been rare...I feel this warmth. When she kissed me today. It was she in the first time in years since…..I felt like the sun had just bursted through me like an explosion. Her and Skye….are the only two things that keep me alive….even though well…...Skye just became our daughter. They are the light in the darkness I needed.”

“You know….it’s too bad we had this bad blood between us,” John said turning his head to Phil, “The two of us...have a lot in common…..not going to lie. I always thought Captain America was pretty damn cool.” 

Phil chuckled lowly before turning his head to John. 

“Well it’s never too late,” Phil responded, “We could always you know have a few beers, have a few laughs.” 

John opened his mouth to speak suddenly there was a few sounds of gunfire. John lifted his P-90 as they called their weapons and began to shoot. He heard the sound of a few cries from ahead of him and as people fell to the ground with a dull thud. The seasoned Agent looked ahead of him and few men dressed in the same uniform in the slide Elizabeth showed on the ground dead and smoke and blood coming out of their chests. 

What was peaceful was now chaos. It was strange. Phil expected them to have HYDRA weapons. Instead they seemed to have weapons though the guns reminded him of something out of Star Wars. They hit the buildings causing them to shatter with rocks and debris. Phil wondered if there were the two opposing sects of the Genii here on the planet or only HYDRA had the advanced weapons. 

Phil didn’t dwell on it, he pulled out his gun and started shooting knocking down a few men coming towards them, making sure he hit people in places that left them incapacitated rather than killing them. He usually did not like doing it unless he seriously had to. A few lasers knocked off his kevlar (as they were designed by S.H.I.E.L.D.) while others he had to duck from before getting back on his feet and shooting again.

Shoot, duck, rise and repeat. It was a pattern something Phil was used to. 

Suddenly there was a sound of a grunt. Phil looked to the side and John collapsed on the ground like a heap of laundry. There was a sense of dread that rushed through his body. 

“No,” He whispered. Phil ran to John’s side and quickly checked his pulse. It was there beating heavily which meant he was still alive but at a slow pace. There was no entry wounds. Which meant only one thing. John was still alive and the shot wasn’t meant to kill. It was meant to capture. 

“I GOT HIM COMMANDER!” Phil heard a voice say.

“Knock out the other one and grab Colonel Sheppard,” A voice said. It rattled through his bones. That voice. He knew that voice. Where did he hear that god damn voice. Where the fuck did he hear it? And then he remembered….the video. It was Commander Kolya….here to take John and finish his job. He couldn’t let that happen. Melinda trusted John to look after him, at least he could is is protect him in the same manner. At least if they took him….John could be spared. 

As men began to run out of the buildings. He thought fast. He grabbed John before anyone could see him and began pulling him into one of the empty homes. First floor, he looked around every room he could find until he found a suitable place to hide him...a closet. He pushed John in. He pulled clothing off the hangers over the Colonel’s body. Everything was covered, now look for a place to hide himself. 

Too late. He never had the time to run. The moment he stepped into the hallway, there was a gun pointing at him. Phil took a sharp breath and looked up into the eyes of...

“Commander Kolya,” Phil said quietly.

“You know of me?” Kolya said with a small bemused smirk on his lips, “Oh and drop your gun or I will shoot you.” 

Phil obeyed. He slowly put his gun onto the ground letting it rest on the floor. Before putting both hands into the air. It was the universal sign he was unarmed. In the academy he learned that 90 percent of the time the enemy wouldn’t harm him if he did that. Of course there was a chance with how ruthless commander Kolya was he would shoot him. But so far he kept his gun trained at him.

“You are on Atlantis’ threat list,” Phil said keeping his breathing steady and labored. He kept his eyes focused on the Commander. First rule…..make the enemy feel good, at least he could have brownie points if he were to be taken by the Genii, “Might I say my organization-”

 

The Ruthless Commander slammed the metal of the gun into his right temple.. It was a sharp and terrible pain. Phil winced and fell to the ground. He lifted his hand and touched his forehead. There was a thin stream of blood that poured from a cut. 

“I don’t have time for games,” Kolya said kneeling in front of him. He slipped the barrel of the gun under Phil’s chin. He closed his eyes and took sharp breaths through his nose. He feared death, more so that the GH-325 drug would be used again and he would have a painful resurrection. He turned his thoughts to Melinda and Skye, it was the only thing keeping him calm and giving him a motivation to live. “Where’s Colonel Sheppard?”

There was a moment of relief knowing he brought the unconscious soldier into the home and did not see where he had hidden him. But Phil didn’t have time to let that thought sink in. Soldiers were coming in and there were a pleathora of guns pointing at him in addition to the ruthless commander. Maybe Romanoff would make it out….but not him.

“He ran,” Phil lied, “he was a coward. You did a number on him when you fed him to that wraith. Didn’t want to deal with you again, I came into this house to hide myself.”

The gun clicked and Phil swallowed hard. 

“Colonel Sheppard is no coward,” Kolya snarled, “Where did you hide him?”

It was time for desperate measures. Second rule to save his life, only to use in a desperate situation that could save his life. Reveal who he was working for, how important he was and how useful he would be. He took a deep breath and said:

“You don’t need Colonel Sheppard, you can use me. My name is Agent Phil Coulson, I am a guest on Atlantis and work for a very lucrative, very secretive and very powerful organization. Well we are not powerful at the moment but we still have very powerful weapons. If you take me you can get what you need for Doctor Weir and more.” 

Kolya laughed lowly and slowly rose to his feet. Phil finally opened his eyes. On his feet, towering over him with the gun pointing at him, he looked even more menacing than he did in the video. Phil thought of his meditating he did with Melinda, how focused on his breathing. He kept focusing on that, Skye’s laughter and smile and the taste of Melinda’s lips to keep him grounded and brave. 

“You are a fool Agent Coulson but very brave,” Commander Kolya said putting the gun in his holster, “You will do. If I take a guest rather expedition members I get Doctor Weir more willing to meet my demands…..gentlemen restrain Agent Coulson. And Blindfold him….we don’t want him giving away any information that could….compromise our position.” 

Phil didn’t fight. Not even when the men pull him off the ground. He remembered he was doing it for Colonel Sheppard. He kept his brave and defiant gaze on his captor. He grunted as his hands were roughly pulled behind his back. The rope that wrapped around his wrists was rough and scratchy and was already cutting into his wrists. Seconds after his wrists were secure pinioning his arms behind his back, a thick black piece of cloth was tied around his eyes plunging his world into darkness.

Breathe in and breathe out.

“Is he secure?” Commander Kolya asked raising his eyebrow. 

“Yes sir,” The man said taking Phil roughly by the arm. Another man grabbed the other side. He couldn’t run now. Only struggle. But for the sake of bravery, he stayed still.

“Order the men back we’re leaving,” Kolya simply said. 

Phil didn’t put up a fight. When they walked. He walked. Now as always it was about to survival. What Commander Kolya ordered...he must do. It didn’t matter if if he was hurt or beaten or bruised. The only thing that mattered to him now was coming home to his woman who held his heart and his daughter. 

* * *

“C-C-C--C-C-Colonel Sh-Sh-Sh-Shep-p-pard,” A voice stuttered into his com, “C-c-c-c-c-come in- Sk-Sk-Sk-Sk-Skye c-c-c-could.” 

“Say no more,” Skye said, “This is Agent Skye, Mr. Flyboy come in.”

John sat up and groaned. His head was pounding like a drummer was pounding hard against his brain. The first thing he felt was the mountains of clothing on him. He dug out of the clothing and gazed around the room. It was a master bedroom with a nicely decorated bathroom adjoining it. A far cry from huts and cottages he would often see. He wasn’t surprised….this planet always managed to be one of the well off ones in this wraith infested galaxies, even lived life close to what they did in the 1960s. It looked like a storm had blown through the room. He stood up slowly.

“Romanoff and I saw a few men running towards Coulson and Sheppard’s position,” A voice Sheppard recognized as Agent Triplett’s. “They could be busy.”

John tapped into his com the moment the dizziness washed away from him.

“I am fine,” He said, “just got knocked out…..whats the matter?”

“Well according to Rowan,” Skye said on the line, “there are two sets of Genii here….one with advanced weapons and with primitive weapons….and they both seem to be dispersing,”

“C-c-c-colonel….m-m-my f-f-father….h-h-he w-w-was w-w-w-w-with th-the pr-pr-primative. ones,” Rowan simply said his voice sounded harsh and frightened.

John stopped dead in his tracks. Kolya was on this planet. Was he frightened maybe a little, the whole wraith fiasco was unbearable and frightening. Something he wouldn’t even wish on his worst enemy. But then he remembered….

“Coulson,” He whispered.

Phil, knowing John’s troublesome history with the Genii particularly Commander Kolya, must have hidden him once he was knocked out. His first assumption, the season agent managed to find a place to hide. It would have been the smart and logical thing to do. But considering the man tried to take down a fucking Asgardian God he probably did something stupid.

“COULSON!” John called out. 

No answer. 

He started searching the house thinking the possible scenarios that could have happened. Part of him hoped that Phil went to at least went to go find the others. Maybe he at least find Melinda. But given the history of both Kolya and Phil Coulson, the most likely outcome was Phil was taken or worse….killed. 

A sense of dread washed over his body. He promised Melinda he would protect him and he failed. How was he explain it to her?

Suddenly at the corner of his eye he saw a brief movement. John turned around slowly gun in his hand just in case it was a Genii soldier. But soon he lowered it. There was a young girl no older than 16 standing in the doorway. She looked a bit startled. Who wouldn’t if she saw a millitant civilization tear their planet apart. 

But John was gentle. Even with the panic of where Phil could possibly be, he knew he had to put the job first and then hit himself later. After all this young woman could have seen if Phil was taken or just simply ran off. John gave the girl a small smile as he put the gun on the ground. 

“It’s alright,” He said, “I am not one of them.”

“You are not wearing their uniform,” She said with a soft voice, “I trust you.”

John always seem to have that aura that he was trustworthy, especialy around young people. He didn’t get why. Sometimes he thought he was too shut out and aloof at times, it was a part of his self doubting behavior. But being here in this galaxy (with the help of being around Elizabeth), he learned just to go with the flow and not to question it. 

“Did you see anything?” John asked raising a brow. She could have been hiding because it didn’t hurt to ask.

The young girl nodded her head. 

“There was a man….he was taken by the soldiers attacking my home,” She said quietly.

Even with the mix of panic, the sense of failure for not protecting Phil, John still managed to give the young woman a small smile for her help. 

“Thank you,” John said. 

“May I go find my mother and father?” The young woman said.

“Yes,” He said. 

As the young woman ran off John took a sharp breath through his nostrils. He didn’t know what it was a mix of rage for letting this happen, failure for not keeping his promise and fear of what his nemsis was going to do to him. Thoughts rushing through his head at a million lightyears per minute. Maybe there was still time to find Phil before he went through the gate. With a furrowed brow he pushed his brow:

“Everyone be on Alert,” John said, “Agent Coulson has been taken by Kolya and his men, I repeat Agent Coulson has been taken by Kolya and his men.”

* * *

_Agent Coulson….taken...by Kolya._

The words in her head repeated like a horrible mantra. Melinda was surprisingly calm during the battle, being Jemma’s eyes and ears as she was tending to the wounded. She thought she was going to break seeing scenes of war and being reminded of the chaos she saw in Bahrain. But instead she was focused looking around, occasionally shooting a few soldiers who tried to make their way into the building.

Suddenly this calm persona she had was slipping. There was…feel of rage and failure. The same as such when her teammates were taken that fateful day. 

“Agent May,” Jemma said from behind her. The biochemist’s hands were holding steady pressure to a leg wound of one of the injured, “Are you alright?” 

Melinda turned her head to Jemma, giving the younger agent a long hard gaze. Maybe she still had time to make it right before she made a foolish move, except for of course putting a bullet between the eyes of Coulson’s abductor. 

“Stay here,” She simply said before tapping into her com, “Agent Hunter, Agent Barton, I need you to come to Jemma’s location.”

And then she started running.

“Agent May!” Jemma called out.

The young scientist’s pleas were gone unheaded as Melinda ran out of the buildings and through the streets. There was chaos. Smoke rising from buildings, citizens wailing over their dead and injured. She heard the sounds of some gunshots but she kept running. She knew the path to the gate. She was good at memorizing pathways being a pilot. There was only one stargate on this planet so that had to be her destination.

She blocked out everything. The feel of her lungs trying to regulate her breathing and the heavy thumping of her heart in her chest. The sounds of war that echoed behind her and the sound of countless people telling her to hault and wait for people to catch up. 

She didn’t know how far she ran, feet, miles? But she finally saw it the gate still illuminating in blue as the last of the men went through the gate.

“STOP!” She yelled out raising her gun. 

But it was too late. As she fired a few bullets the gate closed. 

“NO!” Melinda yelled out. 

Her breathing became heavier. Her face was burning with rage. The fire was building in her body bit by bit ready to burn who ever dared to touch her. But for Kolya, knowing what the man was capable of, if he touched he would engulf him into flames. 

With her gun falling to the floor she let out an angered howl, when she got her hands on Commander Acastus Kolya, he was going to wish he never dare touched Coulson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember Comments and Kudos are love.


	11. walk with the noise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melinda deals with the fallout of Coulson's kidnapping.
> 
> Remember it is NaNoWriMo so some stuff is unedited and stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Chapter contains torture read at your own risk.

“That should have been me,” John said pacing back and forth in front of Elizabeth. “Kolya wanted me but Coulson had to be stupid enough to take my place.”

 

Elizabeth sat on their bed and looked up at John with concerned eyes. It was a typical ritual between them when something went wrong off world. Either a life had been cost, someone had been injured or taken by the enemy. John would be on the brink of self destruction, blaming himself for what had happened. She would whisk him away before he snapped like a rubber band.

She had seen him become angry before when she wasn’t quick enough to ease his agony. He was violent, not towards people. He would throw things, punch walls until his knuckles bled. It would be like a storm had raged through him by the time she found him.

But on days like this, the days Elizabeth caught him before John flew into a blind self blaming rage she would let him talk. She wouldn’t patronize and stay quiet. But if she found she was getting out of control she would intervene. Often though, John would appreciate she would be those ears to listen to his woes, something he never really had before coming to Atlantis. 

She had to admit John learning to open up to her was the most beautiful thing to come out of this relationship they shared.

“I promised Melinda I would protect him no matter what the cost,” John said turning to face the mirror, “and I failed her. Now Kolya has Coulson, and he god knows what he is going to do now that he doesn’t have the fucking Wrath. Now Coulson’s being tortured and it’s all my fucking fault.”

John then made a long and loud growl. Seconds later all the content that rested on the cabinet top fell to the floor.

“John,” Elizabeth rose to her feet quickly walking to his side. John turned to face her. She gently raised her hands to his face. Her fingers began gently running over his cheeks. He was shaking, with rage and fear. She could hear him breathing heavily, “It is not your fault. You did not plan to get struck by a stunner. Agent Coulson….knew what Kolya would have done to you if he had taken you instead.”

Elizabeth had a gut feeling John wouldn’t be so lucky to make it out in one piece like he did the last time. Kolya would have hurt John to the point where he was black and blue and crawling through the gate. It would be a terrifying message to show the price of crossing him. The idea alone sent a shiver down her spine. But right now this wasn’t about her and what could have been, right now was telling John he was safe and keep himself as calm and a sane as humanly possible.

“We are going to find Agent Coulson,” She said with a comforting smile on her face. She could see the tension slowly ease from his face as she continued to move her thumbs in comforting circles on the skin, “we always do.” She paused, “Remember Kolya wants to do everything and anything to make you upset and break you…..don’t let him.”

She kissed him gently on the lips. She could feel at that moment the last of his fear and his distress leaving his body. He looked at her with a small smile turning on his lips. It wasn’t the one that made her swoon and had his usual exuberance. But it was enough to know that for the moment he was going to be okay. 

“Did I ever tell you how much I love your pep talks?” John said quietly.

“Often,” Elizabeth said this time kissing him on the nose, “Ready to go find Agent Coulson now that you are calm.”

John nodded his head. 

“I am,” He said, “In the meantime you should go check on Melinda…..considering you are no stranger for having your boyfriend kidnapped by some crazed mad man she could use some advice.”

Elizabeth chuckled and rested her forehead against his.

“At least you didn’t lose your sense of humor.”

“Nah,” John responded, “I don’t think even a wraith could take that.

* * *

“Sk-Sk-Skye,” Rowan said interrupting her from her thoughts. 

Skye had been on her computer for the past hour figuring out an algorithm in hopes of her dad. The people from both S.H.I.E.L.D and Atlantis going from planet to planet, tearing apart limb from limb trying to find Kolya and his men and where her father could be.When they couldn’t find him they went to the next address on the list and then it was rinse and repeat.

Just repeating the cycle with no result.

Skye was getting restless. Last time her father was taken she was able to find him with the resources around her. But she wasn’t on earth. She was in space in another galaxy far away and with hundreds of planets, finding her father could take days….weeks….even..years.

“I am kinda busy Rowan,” Skye said.

“C-c-curse the a-a-ancients your m--m-mad at m-m-me,” Rowan responded. 

“What?” Skye hummed.

She lifted her head from her computer and saw Rowan look a bit sad and wounded. Quickly she put two and two together. His asshole father ran off with her dad, and now he was thinking Skye was going to be angry at him for it. As understandable as it was, it was also ridiculous. Considering Skye’s home life wasn’t exactly ideal either she was in no position to really judge. 

“Oh Rowan,” Skye said putting the computer on the side. As long as it was plugged in it should be running. “Look I know we have some fucked up version of Romeo and Juliet going on here…...your dad ran off with my dad doing god knows what….but you are not your your dad.” Skye took his hands into hers and squeezed them gently, “I am not going to be angry at you over something he did so don’t worry.”

“Y-y-you pr-pr-promise? B-b-because I r-r-really l-l-like y-y-you,” Rowan said.

Skye knew there was a time and a place for everything. Kissing a guy while her father was being held hostage by a madman was certainly a time where such etiquette would be deemed inappropriate, but Skye wanted, no needed Rowan to know that what was happening now was not going change how she felt.

Sure he was damaged. Sure he had his flaws, the stammer, his childlike mannerisms. But it was all his flaws that didn’t push her away. It made Skye want him more.

It was exactly like in a move. Skye wrapped her arms around him and moved to raise to the tips of her toes. Slowly and surely she placed a soft kiss on his lips. At first he was tense, shocked she would even kiss him. But eventually she could feel him smile beneath her lips. She could kiss him forever, feel the sweet taste of his breath. 

Yet faith was a fickle bitch and they had work to do.However, there would be plenty of time when her dad was safe from that psychopath. For now she stepped back keeping her hands on his shoulders, taking in the large smile on his face. The brightest she seen, bright enough to send warmth throughout the vessels in her bones. Maybe she needed this moment of calm in this time of chaos. 

“Is that proof good enough for you?” Skye asked with a grin.

“I-I-I th-th-think so.” Rowan responded. 

Skye took his hand in hers and squeezed it gently. 

“Good,” She said. “Now do you think you can use the fact you know all the dickhead’s location to help me track down where he took my dad?”

Rowan chuckled.

“You d-d-didn’t ev-ev-even n-n-need to ask.”

* * *

Punch, kick, repeat. Punch, kick, repeat. 

There was a time when every time she heard Phil was in trouble that Melinda would just brush it off like it was no big deal. In many ways Phil and she were alike. In the face of danger they would both grounded. They had this drive to keep going, keep fighting to come home to the people they loved.

The reason why this magnetic attraction between them was so strong that while they did things differently, they had the same dreams and aspirations. Above all the same drive to keep up to firing on and be the best they could be when the chips were down.

And then everything changed during the incident with Loki.

She never liked talking about that day. Especially since the one day she decided to leave the comfort and safety of her desk to hand in some reports for Nick Fury she saw the carnage. Agents dying, the helicarrier freefalling to the ground. And the worst of all, something that simultaneously etched with the nightmare she experienced during Bahrain, she found herself holding a dying Phil in her arms.

She remembered the blood. There was so much of it, more blood that stained her hands during Bahrain. It got on her clothes, her hands and her skin. Her usually sandy colored skin turned a crimson red. She remembered showering that night, trying to wash herself clean of the blood. There was a difference between the blood she cleaned from Bahrain and the Blood from that helicarrier. One was from a stranger, someone she met only once in a terrible and fateful moment, and the other was someone who meant the world to her……

Someone she loved with all her heart and her soul. 

Ever since then, every time Phil was in trouble Melinda would see the face of Phil as his life slipped away right before her god damn eyes. She would hear his voice as he gasped for air trying to hold on for a few more minutes. The only remedy was finding him, at least giving him a pat on the arm to know he was alright. 

But not this time.

Melinda was ordered to stay here. Was it her file on the incident of Bahrain that left Elizabeth hesitant to send her out there? Did she fear that Melinda May was going to kill every Genii man woman and child leaving a mess of dead bodies, just like the pictures of that abandoned warehouse? Did she fear that Melinda would see the carnage Commander Kolya could do with the flick of his hands? 

No Melinda would snap Kolya’s neck before he even dreamed of sicking a god damn wraith on Coulson. 

Melinda felt helpless punching this god forsaken punching bag. Yes it was helping her rage pretending the bag was nothing more than her hands and legs hitting Kolya until he was not recognizable, just a bloody and putrid mess. But she wanted to be out there with the team finding Coulson, not here. 

All while this was happening Phil was being tortured. She took a sharp breath. She hoped for her own sanity the man didn’t manage to find another wraith. She couldn’t even think of Phil strapped to a chair helpless as one of those monsters sucked the life out of him like a vacuum. The thought of Phil screaming, his face contorting like John’s did on the screen during the video caused her fist to collide with punching bag the hardest.

There was a sharp pain in her knuckles. Followed by the warm sensation of blood on her skin.

“Shit,” She murmured quietly. 

It wasn’t the first time she punched too hard her knuckles actually bled during training. She would have to go the infirmary. Grabbing the bag, she settled it down for the next person who wanted to use it. She gently put her hand over the bleeding knuckles in hopes it would at least for now stop the bleeding and made her way out of the training room. 

“Agent May,” She heard a voice from behind her say.

It was Doctor Weir. She was probably here to check on her, hoping some talk woman to woman. She would offer advice on how she could deal with with her quote unquote boyfriend being kidnapped by a mad man, cry out like girls and go on her merry way. 

Melinda May was never that type of woman to do the cliche things women did on the screens of televisions, even if she and Elizabeth did work well together. She just needed to be alone.

“I was just on my way to the infirmary,” Melinda said. She was walking at a quick pace, hoping she could lose Elizabeth before she was forced to have a conversation. But she didn’t seem to be so lucky. Elizabeth was already walking beside her. She sighed deeply. She would had no choice to grit her teeth and bear it. Melinda sometimes was brave enough to challenge her superiors, but as she was a guest in a city in space and talking to the current significant other of her ex husband she had to hold her tongue and be polite. 

“I’ll walk with you if that is all right,” Elizabeth said. Melinda only nodded. 

They walked side by side in silence for a few moments. But to Melinda, who was eager to be alone, it seemed like forever. They passed by a few people dressed up in uniform probably people ready to join the search party when Elizabeth finally spoke again.

“I know you and Agent Coulson are very close,” She said looking ahead of her, “How are you are holding up?”

Melinda sighed deeply. She was standing here with her knuckles bleeding and staining her skin. Phil was being held who she and Elizabeth both knew was a madman…….and all she asked was how Melinda was holding up. A vague and pointless question to ask in an obviously tumultuous moment such as this. 

“It’s been hours,” Melinda simply said, “I am stuck here pacing waiting for words on the fate of my superior officer and friend who is being held by a known psychopath. I think you can figure on the answer is I am just peachy.” 

“You’re upset I am not letting you go out there,” Elizabeth responded. A type that could read people like a book. John, someone who often shut himself out and to him talking about his feelings was like having a lobotomy, he must have had a field day with someone like her. “I understand if you are upset, someone you care about has his life on the line. But I had my reasons for keeping you back. Commander Kolya is a type of man to push buttons. Knowing your history-”

“My history,” Melinda said stopping dead in her tracks. It often enraged her when people thought the worst of her because of Bahrain. It was why she hated being called “the Cavalry”, it was why she hated when people asked her stupid questions about that day. It gave her connotations she never wanted… _.psycho…..beast……. **murderer,**_ “you think I am going to massacre a Genii village in a blind rage, because of something you read in my file.”

“Melinda…..you were found with a dozen dead bodies surrounding you including a child,” Elizabeth said furrowing her brow. Melinda tensed her jaw. She was not going to scream, she was not going to break. She just curled her fist and kept herself calm, “You are here and not in the field for the same reason John is not out in the field….I can't afford an incident that has you costing the lives of innocent people at the sight of Coulson being tortured.”

“Bahrain is ONE incident that happened SIX years ago,” Melinda said. She was getting frustrated. Still no word of Coulson, she wasn’t out there with the inhabitants of Atlantis and her fellow agents looking for him, now a woman who she thought she liked was judging her….just like the rest of them, “I am older, wiser, and been on the Field long enough to know my limits.”

“Even so Melinda,” Elizabeth responded, “He is known to break people easily. When he kidnapped John 3 months ago and said give into my commands or I will feed John to the wraith….I was so emotionally drained by the end of the incident I felt as though the Wraith sucked the life out of me and usually I am a person who can stay calm under the face of press-”

Suddenly the alarm blared throughout the halls of Atlantis. During orientation it meant one thing, there was unscheduled offworld activation. It could mean one of three things, one the search party came home with Phil either dead or alive, two the search party was attacked off world or Kolya was calling with a video feed.

Elizabeth gave Melinda a kind sympathetic look before gently resting her hand on her forearm. For a moment she forgot about the escalating argument that had transpired between the two of them and realized she had her stay behind not because she was judging her like the others, but because she was generally concerned.

“I don’t think it would be as easy to say stay behind until everything clears this time,” Elizabeth said, “so come with me.”

Side by side the two women went running to the gate room.

* * *

The look on Teyla’s face was grave when Melinda and Elizabeth arrived to the gate room, still dressed from her mission with a gun with her hand. Melinda could see that people were scrambling to controls and the computers. Jemma and Doctor Carson Beckett were running through the room tending to the injured. One person she caught was Antoine Triplett on the floor of the gate room with Lance and Bobbi putting pressure onto a leg room.

“I am surprised you are helping me Hellbeast,” Lance said glaring at Bobbi as Melinda passed by with Elizabeth, “I thought you would let him die to sustain my misery.” 

“I happen to admire Trip….after all he has to deal with your insufferable ass,” Bobbi responded. 

“Oh my god shut up” Trip said with something between a groan and a whimper, “Before you give me a migraine in addition to a stab wound.” 

“What is happening Teyla?” Elizabeth said, “The unscheduled activation alarm went off twice.” 

“For one….we were attacked by people who thought us to be hostiles as we went through one of the addresses Skye pulled up from various DHDS,” Teyla responded “Agent Triplett was stabbed in the leg as we were trying to negotiate.” 

“And the second?” Melinda asked. 

Teyla’s face sunk for a moment. It was a mix of worry and sympathy. 

“Teyla?” Elizabeth said raising an eyebrow, “What’s happening?” 

Before Teyla could say a word an angered growl left John’s lips. 

“YOU ARE LUCKY YOU GRABBED PHIL BY MISTAKE AND NOT ME!” He roared. “I WOULD HAVE BROKEN LOOSE FROM THE BONDS AND SNAPPED YOUR FUCKING NECK!” 

Melinda bolted away from the group and into a room with a large monitor with the familiar form Acastus Kolya standing at the center of the screen. 

A few people were grouped inside. Doctor McKay with wide eyes standing against the wall. Rowan and Skye were in the back of the room with Clint and Natasha standing beside them. And there was John at the front of the room with Ronon holding him back. He was squirming, his face red with rage. It was almost like he was willing to claw through the screen and kill Kolya with his bare hands. 

“Would that before or after I feed you to the Wraith again?” Kolya responded, “now let me speak to the woman in the photograph or I will kill my hostage in front of you.” 

Clint furrowed his brow and turned to Rowan. 

“I am going to be blunt Rowan,” He said, “your dad’s a dick.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes crossed her arms at the statement. 

John growled loudly thrashing in violent motions in Ronon’s arms. 

“It’s not worth it Sheppard,” Ronon said to him sternly, “he’s pushing your buttons.” 

“And let him push Melinda’s?” John responded, “Melinda and I may have had our differences but I know how fragile Melinda could be sometimes, especially after Bahrain. You have them talk, Melinda’s going to break.” 

“I am not fragile,” Melinda said. She could be called many things. She could be called a hardass, she could be called a monster, she could be called a stone called killer. She could take those words with to her, the insulting and mocking moniker the Cavalry. But she would never let what happened to her make her look weak. It broke her in many ways, but it didn’t break her to the point where she was ready to wither and die out. “There was a time where I was shattered but not anymore, I am stronger and wiser….if Kolya wants to bully me, let him I'll save my rage for when I meet him face to face.” 

“Rodney close the channel for a moment,” John said. The physicist nodded his head and tapped his tablet. Kolya looked frustrated and impatient, knowing he was linked to Atlantis but was muted. “Melinda, talking to Kolya is like talking to a bully. He taunts and he taunts until you snap. That man once drove me to murder. He will do the same to you the moment you start talking to him….” 

“And it’s better to sit here and watch you scream at the man you despise until he gets annoyed and kills Phil,” Melinda said. She could see Elizabeth moving behind her at the corner of her eye, her gaze shifted between her and John staying quiet until she was addressed, “I once watched Phil die before me…..I will NOT watch him die again. At least not without doing something.” 

“I will be here to guide Melinda if she needs it,” Elizabeth said before turning her head to the seasoned S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. “Just be warned, what Commander Kolya may do to Phil will be upsetting.” 

“I’ll be fine,” Melinda said with a small grin on her face, “with that said Rowan?” The young man turned to face her. There was a mix of fear, anger, and a wordless apology for was about to happen on her screen. She felt a prang of guilt the young man felt he had the need to apologize for what a bastard of a man like him was about to do, but then again it was somewhat understandable. “Please take Skye outside I rather her not see this.” 

“But mother,” Skye objected. 

“Skye you don’t want to see this,” Melinda said, “if something happens to your father you don’t want this to be the last image in your mind of him. Please listen to me.” 

Skye opened her mouth to object but she quickly closed it. She let the gravity of her words sink in. She took Rowan’s hand and led him out the door. Hopefully to a spot where she wouldn’t hear this happening. John waited until they were both out of sight and took a deep breath. 

“Are you sure you want to do this,” John asked. Melinda only gave him a long and determined gaze letting him know she was ready to face the beast. He turned to Rodney. “Rodney reopen the channel. Melinda you will be on with him the moment you tap your con.” Rodney’s fingers pushed a button on his tablet. “Kolya, the person you wish to speak to is here.” 

“Are you bluffing with me Colonel Sheppard because I am not as stupid as you think me to be,” Kolya said his eyes narrowing darkly. 

Melinda waited for a moment, taking a deep breath through her nose and out through her mouth. She was keeping herself as calm and grounded as she possibly could dealing with the monster on the screen in front of her. When she felt secure with herself she tapped the com in her ear. 

“No he is not,” Melinda said, “I am here.” 

Kolya’s face shifted. Before it was a menacing look. Thick eyebrows furrowed and tense, his mouth in a straight line. Now his eyes lit up, in a dark matter and his lips curved into a grin. Melinda lowly hissed. Not even seconds into the conversation and he she was already disgusted. 

“You sound as lovely as you do in the photograph your friend was carrying,” Kolya said. Melinda scrunched her face in annoyance. She was not surprised the man was probably a raging misogynist in addition to a sadist. “What is your name?” 

“My name is Melinda May and I am a Level Seven Agent of Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division” Melinda began, “S.H.I.E.L.D. for short.” 

“S.H.I.E.L.D hum?” Kolya said narrowing his eyes in curiosity, “Are you part of Atlantis or are you you their allies?” 

Melinda would rather skip this strange form of interrogation and get right to knowing if Phil was alive and safe for now. But maybe keeping him as calm as he could was possible….get him to at least like her could make it easier to negotiate and secure Phil’s freedom. 

“Allies,” Melinda said, “we were sent by our leader Nicholas Fury, after HYDRA attacked our planet. There's a war going on Earth and we’re here to hopefully find a safe haven for our people in case we lose.” 

“HYDRA?” Kolya said furrowing his brow in annoyance. From all the stories she heard from John and the other inhabitants of Atlantis, Kolya was the type of man who hated anyone who crossed him with every fiber of his being. He wasn’t surprised that HYDRA was probably up on his hit list, “those people working with Ladon? So what you are saying Agent May is you brought these people to the Pegasus galaxy with you when you arrived on Atlantis.” 

“I never said such a thing,” Melinda responded. At the corner of her eye she saw Elizabeth mouthing out “ask to see Phil and begin to negotiate we’re wasting time.” Maybe that was Melinda’s fault for delaying the inevitable, Phil getting tortured. “Look Commander Kolya I am not here to place blame or point fingers, I would like to negotiate so you can return Agent Coulson safely to his people.” 

“Well Agent May,” Kolya said, “let’s negotiate.” 

The video Elizabeth showed in while debriefing Melinda and Phil in addition to Natasha and Clint to show the force and the danger of her enemies was still engrained in her mind. As a SHIELD agent Melinda has seen her fair share of disturbing things, but next to Bahrain, watching such a thing as a man having his life sucking out of him was stuff of nightmares. But having such a thing engraved in her mind gave a how to on conducting a successful Hostage Negotiation. She had her fair share of times where she had to deal with rescuing hostages but usually she was with someone else and they would be doing the talking and Melinda would be doing the rescuing. 

This would be a totally different adventure Melinda was not used to. 

So far she had to deal with looking at Kolya who was surprisingly somewhat handsome beneath the menacing stare (something that made talking to him a tiny bit more bearable) but there was no sign of Phil. Melinda knew this was the part where she would have to say she would need to see Phil or there would be no negotiation. 

“I would like to know that Agent Coulson is alive before we could even consider a negotiation,” Melinda said. 

“Of course,” Kolya said narrowing his eyes.. 

She curled her hand into a fist knowing she would have to brace herself to see the state Phil was in. As Kolya stepped to the side she exhaled. It was a horrible sense of deja vu looking at the sight on the screen. Phil was bound the same way as John in the video they saw on their first day here, hands bound at his side, feet chained to the floor, the same thick white cloth tied around his mouth. The only things that differed from the scene with John was Phil tried to stay still but every couple of moments he twitched trying to find some comfort in his predicament and there was a cut on his forehead. 

For a moment Melinda thought of what Elizabeth may have felt standing in this position. Did she feel fear? Did she feel rage? Was there a burst of determination wanting to figure out how to free John and bring him home? Was there a thought that this was the last time she was ever going to see him? 

Melinda felt her chest burning. Her knuckles tensing to the point she felt tight cramps in her fingers and her knuckles turned a blinding white. But one wrong move, one wrong word and Phil would die in front of her face. 

“Son of a bitch,” Clint muttered behind her, jolting her from her thoughts. Melinda turned her head to him and narrowed her eyes as a sign to behave and be quiet before turning to face the screen once again. 

So Phil was alive. Now she had to survey his physical status. 

“Any other injuries besides the cut on his head?” Melinda said, if they wished to extract him and make a quick escape, Phil would have to be able to be move. Carrying him would take time. Also they needed to prepare the medical staff to tend to Phil’s wounds. 

“No,” Commander Kolya responded with a bemused grin on his his face. He made his way over Phil slowly gripping his chin. Phil twitched and jerked upright in his chair at the sudden contact but took long deep breaths through his nose. Melinda had to hold everything not to punch the screen. But she held for so long she would not stop now, “Agent Coulson was surprisingly very cooperative. He followed orders. He was polite. Probably the most courteous prisoner I’ve housed. Which is more than I could say for Colonel Sheppard.” 

John made a long growl and went to attack the screen once again. Elizabeth quickly moved from her position by the doorway to John’s side. She took his forearms in her hands. 

“Don’t John he wants this,” Elizabeth said running her fingers against his skin in comforting motions. He was breathing heavily and his face was red. But it seemed the comforting touch was the only thing that was preventing him from being sent over the edge, “remember what I told you, don’t let him break you, focus on me.” 

Melinda turned to look at the couple before looking at the screen again. What do do next? Should she ask if she could speak to him? No. She remembered what happened in the video. Kolya only gave John a couple of minutes to speak before roughly forcing the gag in his mouth once again. Melinda couldn’t afford that waste of time. So she got right to the point. 

“What do you want Kolya,” Melinda said sternly. 

Kolya released Phil from his grip and made his way to the front of the screen. Phil exhaled deeply in relief and closed his his eyes. He took in the last possible bit of serenity before the chaos started up once again. 

“Your Hydra friends put me in a rather difficult predicament,” Kolya said. He walked in front of Phil blocking him from Melinda’s view. Something that had her more the all worried on how he was fairing. So far he was calm but all could change in a matter of moments. “See they make it harder for me to defeat Ladon Radim and take MY rightful place as leader of Genii. This must be fixed. You can either provide me the weapons and technology I need or ask Doctor Weir to break her alliance with Ladon to help me in your quest. If you provide with I need then Agent Coulson will be released unharmed.” 

“We will work with you when pigs fly,” John mumbled. 

Elizabeth gave him a small glare. 

“I’ll handle this Agent May,” She said quietly turning her head to Rodney in a silent gesture to turn on her channel, “ Commander Kolya it is not Agent May’s jurisdiction to make decisions for Atlantis. It is mine so any discussion regarding any working relationship between our people-” 

“You are not part of this negotiation Doctor Weir,” Kolya interrupted her causing John to frown in a protective reflex, “It’s between Agent May and I. Try to interrupt us again then the deal is void and Agent Coulson will die.” 

Melinda’s teeth began chewing the inside of her lip as she watched Phil tense in his seat. It was like Bahrain all over again. All eyes were on her and she was pushed against the wall. There was no right move. Every result no matter what she chose would have a disastrous consequence. She couldn’t be impulsive about it. 

“So Agent May what is your decision?” Kolya said with his eyes narrowing darkly. He was challenging her, taunting her. Ready to release the beast inside her she had been punishing down through these terrible and agonizing moments. 

“I…” She swallowed, “I need you to give me time to discuss my options with Doctor Weir. While I am Agent Coulson’s second in command…...I am not authorized to make decisions for Atlantis.” 

Kolya just laughed lowly, as if her dilemma was nothing more of sort amusement to him. He stepped away from the camera and slowly made his way towards Phil. 

“Doctor Weir should have warned you,” Kolya taunted, “I am not a patient man. If you are going to make me wait I am going to have to give you a push to hasten your decision. That is too bad. From the photo Agent Coulson has of the two of you and who I believe is your daughter, he cares alot about you. Must be disappointed you are delaying his rescue.” 

And the right button had been pushed. Now both of Melinda’s fists were tightened, shaking in their fight not to punch through the screen. Ever since Fury resurrected Phil, Melinda made a vow to protect him. Partly she was following orders, mostly because she cared about him…..loved him. She would bend heaven and hell, walkthrough Asgard and hell to make sure he was safe. 

Kolya’s words, were taunting but they were a declaration…. 

SHE FAILED PHIL. 

“So what are you going to do now Kolya,” Melinda snarled. She could feel her nerves firing with her white hot rage, releasing in the adrenaline into her body. Kolya was now a fucking dead man walking, “Feed him to a wraith like you did with Colonel Sheppard?” 

The sound of John swallowing down the lump in his throat at the words was abnormally loud. 

“Considering Colonel Sheppard ran off with that very same wraith Agent Coulson will be spared of that,” Kolya said, “But I have something even better.” He paused to pull out a long rod. It was painted black with a few buttons on it, “my scientist just developed this lovely new torture device. Handheld, light and powerful, we’ve tested it on a few animals but…..I think it’s time we give it a human trial don’t you think Agent May?” 

“You seriously have a deathwish fucking with her you asshole,” Clint murmured once again from behind. The usually calm and composed Archer had a murderous gaze at the sight of his friend about to be tortured. Natasha who was not really the affectionate type just lifted her hand and squeezed his shoulder tight in hopes she wouldn’t snap like she so often done in the past.. 

Melinda turned her head to Elizabeth and John. She was a loss of what to do. Should she just make the first impulsive decision that came to her head only to have it come crumbling down like a ton of bricks? Should she just let this happen? Maybe Kolya would give her a couple of minutes to decide. 

Even though her eyes were screaming and begging for help, they didn’t do anything. They COULDN’T do anything without risking Phil’s life. 

Suddenly the sound of a electricity coming to life jolted Melinda out of her thoughts. The sight made Melinda take a harsh breath. In the dull and grainy screen there was the clear picture of violent blue sparks coming out of the silver wand. Phil breathed heavily through his nose. Nostrils were flaring causing the white cloth blow against his cheeks. Hoping he can brace for himself for the agony that was about to entrap him. 

“Are you going to answer me or stay silent?” Kolya said furrowing her brow. Melinda couldn’t answer, only stand there helpless and watched the man she loved be brutalize. “I take it as a no then.” 

And then like jabbing a sword through the heart, Kolya jabbed the electric rod into Phil’s abdomen. The reaction to the agony was quick. Phil let out a howl. Throwing his head back so violently that the large white cloth loosely tied around his mouth slipped off. It couldn’t protect and block out the harrowing screams. His body tensed and convulsed trying to squirm away or dull the pain but he was helpless and forced to accept it. 

Clint let out wince, hands moving to his ears to turn off the hearing aids. It was the only way to block out the screams rattling through his bones. The only advantage to busted ears. He was so shaken by what he was seeing, silent tears falling down his face. He always did have that sort of empathy complex. 

“KOLYA!” John screamed breaking away from Elizabeth’s comforting grip. Her hands moved to her face in shock keeping herself as silent as possible. While it was a different circumstance, a different form of torture, this was giving her memories of seeing the man she loved suffering. John made his way to the screen, only to have Ronon pull him back again, “I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! I PROMISE YOU I WON’T MISS THIS TIME! YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING REGRET THIS!” 

Of everyone in the room, Melinda was surprisingly the calmest. She didn’t know if all her negative, over exaggerated reactions were sucked out when she found herself healing from Bahrain. Or she learned never to let anyone break her unless she was behind closed doors. But she stood still. Her eyes were watering up as Coulson’s screams rattled through her bones, but she never cried out. She instead looked up at the screen, keeping her eyes on Kolya. 

She was taking it in. The pleasurable grin coming from Kolya at Phil’s suffering. The laughing and the taunts from the Genii soldiers. The sickening sound of rod as it pressed against Phil’s skin. Phil’s beautiful face, soft and full of life, now hard and twisted in agony. She wasn’t numb. She was in rage. She was plotting. Kolya had ignited the fire and all the sights and sounds from this horrible ordeal kept it burning. 

Melinda was going to use this when she confronted Kolya and reduced him to a sobbing a weeping mess. 

When Kolya took away the rod, a minute had passed. But those sixty horrifying seconds seemed like hours. Melinda’s eyes fixated on Phil for a moment. The seasoned S.H.I.E.L.D. agent took long shuddering breaths shaking. His face was pale with shining tear streaks staining his cheeks. 

Another nail in Kolya’s coffin. 

Kolya made his way to the camera blocking a broken and worn Phil from view. 

“Unfortunately we don’t have a clear calculation how long it will take for a human being to recover from the immediate trauma,” He said. “But I will give you three hours to make your decision….if not we’ll do this again….on a higher setting.” 

“By then,” Melinda said furrowing her brow, “I am going to find you and I am going to beat you until you can’t walk.” 

Kolya only chuckled. 

“A hard one to break I see….” He said narrowing his eyes darkly, “I’ll talk to you again in three hours Agent May I pray you have come to the right decision by then.” 

Before Melinda could answer him the screen went blank. 

“Kolya has cut off the signal,” Rodney said not even daring to look up at Melinda in the eye. She must have had that look that often frightened her enemies and colleagues, “I managed to take up some computer data coming from the Gate. I can give it to Agent Skye to analyze.” 

“Do it,” Melinda said before turning heels to the door. She needed a moment alone. To collect her thoughts, to gain what little composure she had left. 

“Agent May,” Elizabeth called out, “we need to discuss how to deal with Kolya….figure out a deal incase we don’t rescue Coulson in time.” 

“I’ll talk when I am ready,” Melinda snarled. 

And just like that she was out of sight and out of mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:
> 
> Coulson chats with Kolya and realizes how much of an ass he is.


	12. hold on tight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil deals with his captivity.

_It was years ago. Back when they were young and promising Agents. Right before life came and knocked them all off their feet and into the dirt._

_Phil found himself staring a beautiful sight, the most beautiful one he had ever seen. Melinda stepped out of the bathroom in the hotel room they shared in South Africa whilst on a mission. She wore only his white button down shirt. It was big over her tiny form. Even so, the shirt draped nicely over her curves. Her long brown hair was loose and draped over her shoulders. No makeup, she looked….absolutely stunning._

_“Morning beautiful,” Phil said._

_“There goes our promise never to screw each other on a mission again,” Melinda said with a chuckle._

_Phil joined along with her slowly rolling up on his side. Using his right arm to keep himself propped up, he took in the sight. Her beauty, the way she looked at him like he was the only man left in the universe, her smile that would light up a dark room, and oh god how fucking amazing she looked in his shirt._

_“If you are so upset the door is that way,” Phil teased, “But by the way you are looking at me I doubt you want to leave.”_

_Melinda smirked, her fingers moving to the buttons of his shirt._

_“You’re right,” She said. Each button unraveled slowly and painfully. It was almost as if she was challenging and teasing him. Well it was working, “I don’t want to leave. You make it way too difficult.”_

_The shirt fell off in one swift motion. Now Melinda was naked as the day she was born. Phil’s eyes moved slowly taking every inch of her sandy skin. From her long slender legs to her small round breasts that were veiled by her head of long hair. He licked his lips. So beautiful._

_“Come into bed with me,” He said._

_“Do you even need to ask?” Melinda said._

_She took the spot beside him in bed settling in and letting herself be tangled in the sheets. Fingers interlaced with his, lips touching in soft and chaste motions. Phil smiled against her lips, he couldn’t think of a morning, because he was spending it with the woman who gave him light even on his darkest days._

“Dreaming of Melinda,” Kolya’s loud booming voice said jerking him from his thoughts. 

Phil groaned as he went from the pleasant memory in his head that kept him flying to crashing back down to earth. Sure he felt his fare share of pain. He remembered the feel of Loki’s staff driving through his heart. It was if an animal had clawed through his skin and ripped the organs out of his chest. But this had to top the cake.

He wasn’t going to lie. He had been hit with a cattle prod before when he was held hostage by hostile enemies, but it never hurt him to this extent. That thing Kolya had carried and hit him felt to him had as much power as the electric chair. Phil sighed deeply feeling a sharp pain in his lungs. For a moment he had a bit of sympathy for Ted Bundy. His body hurt so badly it felt as though he was on fucking fire.

“You probably were,” Kolya said reaching for a bottle of what looked like the Genii version of red wine. He poured himself a glass. Phil twisted his face. It probably tasted gross, “I remember in between the second and third feeding, my men went to go grab Colonel Sheppard and he had this sparkle in his eye, I could see him mouthing off Doctor Weir’s name. A man would be blind to see he wasn’t in love with the woman.”

Phil couldn’t help but smirk, even though it was draining his energy to do so, was that even possible? He was too drained to even think of the possibility. 

“Jealous that Elizabeth gives him that much attention?” He rasped, his voice sore from all the screaming. He knew it was a stupid move considering he knew the damage that Kolya could do. What did he have to lose? It wasn’t like he could run away being chained to a chair with armed Genii everywhere. 

He was pretty sure the ruthless Genii commander was going to strike him from his comment. But instead Kolya laughed and took a sip of his drink.

“You are just as much of a smartass as Colonel Sheppard,” He said shaking his head, “But you sound a bit more….how should I put this polite?”

“The compliment dodging my question tells me that's a yes,” Phil said again.

“And you seem to be dodging mine,” Kolya hummed, he picked up the photograph Phil had of him, Skye and Melinda. It was a selfie of the three of them in front of the Eiffel Tower during some downtime they had on their mission. She wanted to have an “outing” with the two of them. Phil assumed she could close her eyes and pretend she was on a family vacation with her parents. Looking back, maybe Skye did have some latent feeling they were her parents after all and she just….needed to be sure, “I am no man to judge, I had my fair share of women.”

Phil scrunched his face at the thought of him even….procreating. The man had this menacing gaze, a deep voice a typical Bond villain, and this frightening demeanor. Who would be stupid enough to sleep with him? Phil was ready to make one his snark and witty comments to him about it, but he was already weakened from the rod.

If he wanted to get out of here, he couldn’t afford to lose any strength. He didn’t know how if even a small slap would weaken him further than his battered body already was. So he held his tongue and just looked up biting the inside of his lip.

“You are very lucky Agent Coulson,” Kolya mused, “I wasn’t lying when I said she was very pretty, I think it’s the eyes. She looks strong too built like a warrior. The Genii find such women attractive. Should I be worried she is going to come here….guns blazing….ready to put a bullet in my head?”

 

“Thankfully for you Melinda doesn’t like guns,” Phil responded being careful what he said next. He knew if he mentioned what had happened in Bahrain he could use it as a weakness. Rowan said he excelled at that. “She’ll prefers to use her hands.”

“Impressive a warrior after my own heart,” Kolya said looking down at the photograph, he then pointed his finger on Skye. Phil felt his fingers grip onto the chains. Maybe he was being too quick to be protective but he knew Kolya was probably going to say something to make him snap, being not as mentally fragile he was harder to break. Something that probably bored him. “The young woman in the middle…..I was right to assume she is your daughter.”

Phil nodded. He was rather uncomfortable with Kolya asking him questions about his personal life. He was a stranger and he was stripping Phil bare. Finding his weakness so he could use it against him against him later. But he seen what Kolya could do when Elizabeth showed them that video. Skye some nights came to him crying relaying stories Rowan told her of torture he inflicted on his prisoners and even Rowan himself.

If Phil talking about his personal life prevented Kolya from striking him and tame his rage...then he would take it.

This was about survival and Phil would do anything to get there. 

“What’s her name?” Kolya inquired eyes still on the photograph.

“Skye,” Phil said a small smile involuntary forming on his lips.

“Very pretty,” Kolya hummed impressively, “I assume she is yours and Melinda’s daughter.” Phil nodded his head. “What prompted you to give her such a name?”

“To be honest we didn’t,” Phil answered. Kolya raised an eyebrow in curiosity. “We were young….and foolish. Melinda was in the middle of her first divorce…….Andrew is a nice guy, surprisingly, still my friend after this whole thing. Melinda was really upset things didn’t work out between her and Andrew, she really didn’t want to divorce like her parents. Anyway….one night….one thing led to another and….just like that we were going to be parents. Melinda tried working it out with Andrew again….trying to pass off the baby as his but 2 PHDs…...and a Doctorate from Harvard by the time he was 21….Andrew wasn’t a stupid man nor Naive. It didn’t work so we decided to…”

“Give her up,” Kolya finished. 

“If you want to make it sound that harsh,” Phil quipped, Kolya reached for his wine once again and took a sip, “We gave her to a nice doctor and his wife….but something happened to them and she wound up in the system….but….after 23 years….she somehow came back to us. I mean it’s a little late to be a parent but at least we had our shot…...Your son...really likes her.”

The smile Kolya had sported abruptly faded. His eyebrows furrowed, he could see the man’s face turning red with rage. 

“Rowan…” He said slamming his cup on the table. The sound caused Phil sat up abruptly in his chair. He swallowed, curing himself for his foolish move. “That boy is a traitor and is NOT my son. He’s been dead to me since he decided to join the Lanteans.”

The next words slipped out of Phil’s mouth, he didn’t know if was he was fearful he was going to strike him or that he was disgusted that a man would talk about his own child that way when he would give anything to go back in time and give Skye the life she deserved. But they were uttered and Phil had no time to catch them.

“You know I don’t understand why you want to ally with the Lanteans when you hate them so damn much,” He said, “nor do I understand why you didn’t just kill me cause you know kidnapping would not help you make friends.”

Big mistake. Kolya came charging at him like an approaching hurricane. Phil found himself thrashing through the binds on instinct. It must have been a fight or flight response trying to get him out the damn chair before Kolya struck him. But it was not working the more he struggled the more pain from his torture from the cattle prod surged through his body. He could feel his eyes watering as he moved. 

Finally he felt Kolya’s hand loosely wrap around his neck. It wasn’t enough to cut off Phil’s air completely but it was enough that he struggled to breathe. Kolya held his prisoner’s face still and leaned in real close.

“DO YOU THINK I WANT TO WORK WITH THE LANTEANS,” Kolya shouted. Phil’s ears were ringing because the shout sounded louder than it should to normal octaves, “If I had the power I would have Colonel Sheppard whipped to death in front of my people for what did as friends and especially Doctor Weir Beg for mercy. I would take delight as he died slowly screaming. I would rather have a 1000 wraiths feed off me simultaneously than ever dream of working Colonel Sheppard and his friends.” 

Kolya’s face changed. Before it was full of rage, now it was pained dismayed. Phil found himself finding something different from the sadistic man’s eyes. They looked absolutely terrified, even though Kolya was trying his best to hide it. The Genii must have been taught never to show weakness.

But it told Phil there was more to this story that meets the eye. 

“But I have to,” Kolya said, his voice was cracking as he swallowed, “before Rowan decided to betray me one of my children, my only daughter was lost in an attack on our people, I have no idea if she is even dead or alive. Then Rowan….even though the boy has been a thorn in my side because he preferred books to Politics and escaped with Colonel Sheppard to spite me. I have…” He paused to lift his finger to Coulson’s eye level, “one child….one son left who was loyal today. And he was taken during a firefight between mine and Ladon’s forces. He’s alive but once every couple of days Ladon will send me a video of him being tortured. He says that if I surrender he will let him go. My boy has held on for this long, I don’t know how much longer he could hold on. I see that look you have Agent Coulson, you are wondering why don’t I just do it. Ladon is a cruel man….he doesn’t care about the Genii as much as I do...I refuse to surrender…..siding with the Lanteans is my last chance to take my rightful place and save my son.”

Phil hated how empathetic he could be at times. Here he was staring at a monster. A man who has killed hundreds maybe thousands with no remorse. Tortured an innocent man like Colonel in the most brutal way possible and yet for a moment….he had some sympathy for him. It kinda made him feel disgusting knowing that his feelings were betraying him….betraying his friends. He could even see Skye and Melinda’s faces lingering over him in disappointment. But it was something he couldn’t help. 

Maybe if he was lying, Phil could be at peace and make his bread with sympathizing with such a monster. No...with Ward on Hydra’s side being his only fluke he was usually good at detecting when someone was lying and someone was telling the truth. And god….for a man who is a manipulative, psychopath he was actually fucking telling the goddamn truth. 

“Tell me Agent Coulson,” Kolya said to him again, “If this HYDRA that is working with Ladon took Skye…..would you do ANYTHING to get her back?”

Phil closed his eyes for a moment. His head was spinning in a thousand directions he couldn’t bare to look at his captor. But Kolya backhanded Phil hard across the face causing the Agent’s blue eyes open abruptly.

“ANSWER ME!” Kolya growled. 

“YES!” Phil yelled, “Yes I would.”

There was a long pause between the two of them. Only the sound of Phil’s breathing, so harsh, so loud from all the pain that coursed through his body. God, it was so hard to hold on when he would take death to end his pain. But he had no choice. He had Melinda and Skye waiting for him at home. He owed him to keep going. 

“Look Commander,” Phil said trying to keep his composure as hard as he could, but it was a desperate losing battle, “I am sorry you have to go through this. I am sorry your son is being held by Ladon but what makes you think Atlantis is going to so easily be buddy-buddy with you after what you did to them. Certainly kidnapping me when you were actually planning on taking Colonel Sheppard in my place isn’t going to do anything to help your case.”

Kolya finally released his grip. For a moment Phil let his muscles relax because the close and almost suffocating contact was no longer lingering over him. But soon his hands moved to the white cloth gently resting around his neck. He took a long couple of deep breaths through his mouth before some of the cloth was shoved between his parted lips. Phil fluttered his eyes closed as Kolya stepped behind him.

“Because Agent Coulson,” Kolya said as he tightened the cloth, this time in a sturdy knot at the back of Phil’s head. “If they don’t….you will die.” Kolya stepped back and began walking out the door. “MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T RUN.”

At the corner of his Phil saw it on the ground, lying down like a discarded piece of trash. The photograph of Melinda and Skye he carried around his pocket as a reminder and a motivation to keep on going if he was in a dark spot. He sighed teeth chewing on the cloth in his mouth as waves of pain rushed through his body.

He had to hold on. Even if the rod hit him five times surging enough electricity to execute him in the electric chair. He owed him that. He was going to come home to them. He was going to hug Skye and tell her how beautiful and proud he was of her. He was going to kiss Melinda, hold on tight and how much she meant to him. They were going to be the ones to keep him fighting. 

_I have faith you will find me,_ He thought to himself, _now have faith I will come home to you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:
> 
> As the inhabitants of Atlantis desperately wait for news on Coulson, John and Melinda finally reconect after all these years. 
> 
> Remember Comments and Kudos are love!!


	13. hello from the outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The inhabitants of Atlantis deal with the fallout of Kolya's video, as Melinda and John reconnect as friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kudos and encouragement. It really means a lot to me as I get through NaNoWriMo

Melinda thought she would be part of the conversation that would determine Coulson’s fate. But to be honest she never felt so silent in her life. As she waited with baited breath for at least Skye to come in with some news that she found a recognizable address or at least be told that one of the teams that were out there searching had found him. But an hour and a half passed and still no success.

Instead she sat at the end of the long table as John and his team went back and forth screaming at each other. 

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME RODNEY?” John yelled standing up on one end of the table, “You of all people are actually thinking of being Kolya’s ally? After he tortured you, he tortured me?”

“I am not saying we should be allies with him for the rest of our time here,” Rodney said, he sounding frustrated, “because I rather be allies with a pig. But if it saves Agent Coulson and gets this HYDRA off our back...then I say be allies with him.”

“I have to agree with Doctor McKay,” Teyla said looking at John hoping he would calm down from the massive storm that raged inside him, “I do not believe that our ties with the Genii will continue now that Ladon has made contact with HYDRA. At least with Kolya who has the other half of the Genii on his side we have a fighting shot.”

“This is unbelievable,” John roared. He looked he didn’t know whether to feel hurt or outraged as a thousand thoughts rushed through his head. “So you want to forget what you saw when he fed me to that fucking wraith.” 

Melinda couldn’t take it. The yelling, the screaming, it was all blurred to her. Before this meeting she did a quick ten minute section of tai chi hoping it would clear her head. She often did that when something reminded her of Bahrain. She would block it out of her mind and it would be nothing but a distant memory to her. 

But the moment she got in here and they started yelling, she felt herself leaving her body. She wasn’t there. She wasn’t hearing the arguments, the cursing, the sound of John slamming his fists on the table. Before she was married to John, she was married to Andrew, a psychologist. He knew things about the human mind Melinda had no idea about. He called this phenomenon dissociation. And many times people did that when they experienced trauma. 

Melinda was the type of person who’s post traumatic stress was often caused by sensory triggers. In Bahrain, there are days she couldn’t be touched without having violent and vivid flashes by what happened there. When Phil briefly died, she couldn’t see the color red without the sight of Phil’s blood staining her hands. And now the yelling was bringing her flashes of sights she had seen only moments ago. 

The violent sounds of the wand as it hit Phil’s skin and the sound of his screaming. She had seen people suffering before, and she heard their cries but not in the sounds she heard from Phil’s torture. It was like something out of a horror movie. The sight of his face contorting in agony as he threw his head back, convulsed and tensed his muscles, sent the sharp pain at the pit of her stomach. It transported her away to a different and yet horrid plane of existence. 

It was dissociation that Andrew explained so eloquently. But yet….it wasn’t doing it’s purpose of helping her cope, it was making her feel lousy. 

“I think we should put it to a vote,” Elizabeth said. Her hand was on John’s calming him down because he looked as though he was ready to strike Rodney for even flirting with the idea of siding with their mortal enemy. “I will obviously not be involved because as a leader it will show bias. All in favor of allying with Kolya please raise your hand.” Only two people raised their hands, Rodney and Teyla. “All in favor of thinking of another way of compromising with Kolya next time he communicates please raise your hand.”

Unsurprisingly John and Ronon, who according to rumor was extremely loyal and often followed what John believed in, raised their hands.

“Agent May you have yet to make a decision,” Elizabeth said, “you are the deciding factor.”

All eyes were on Melinda now. There she was now, once again thrown into a corner which she never wanted to be in. She had two options, side with John and play a dangerous hand risking the man she loved’s life. She would have to once again mourn and Melinda knew she wouldn’t be handle a second round of grief because mourning Phil the first time was just….so emotionally draining. Or...she could side with Kolya.

Her mind was flirting with the idea of siding with Kolya. Not only because it spared Phil another round of torture, but it would be a good tactical decision. But the thing was, she and John had been fractured for years after their split. They couldn’t talk to each other without screaming. It was why she was so scared to travel across galaxies to be in same vicinity of him. But now they were working things out. They were talking. Hell she even sparred with him.

They were on the same friendship plane she was in when Andrew left her all those years ago. She worked so hard to forgive John and at least be his friend. As he worked so long to realize they hurt each other. Was she really willing to risk it to save Phil?

“Agent May we are running out of time we have an hour left before Kolya calls us again,” Elizabeth said, “….you need to make your decision now.” 

By then Melinda’s head was spinning in a thousand different directions. She couldn’t choose.

“I am sorry I need a moment to think,” She said.

She once again ejected herself from the situation. This was one thing she needed to think without people breathing down her neck.

* * *

Melinda found herself out on the balcony. She was told by a few members of the expedition that it was a favorite of many people when they wanted to talk or they wanted to think. She could see why. It was peaceful out here. She could feel the cool air on her face. The sound of the ocean waves relaxed her. Even the overwhelming smell of the sea was enough to breath the tension in her body. 

She almost wished that she was here to relax and not to think. Even so without the sound and without the tension putting her on the spot….she couldn’t make a right decision. It was why she always trusted Phil with such decisions. She was a good at fighting but she wasn’t good with coming up with a decision to help others in the long run. 

She took a deep breath. What should she do? She had no idea. Not with so much on the line and dire consequences for each. 

“Melinda?” She heard a voice say.

Melinda turned around and saw probably the last person she would expect to see. John was standing in the doorway. He leaned against the wall in his normal nonchalant manner. His arms folded and eyes narrowed. 

John was never the best when it came to comforting people. Maybe it was because he was not emoting in the first place. Sure during the first days after Bahrain he would occasionally come into the room while she was crying and rub her back a few times saying nothing. Not even a word that everything was going to be okay, before walking out of the room. But it wasn’t enough, especially for her when everything was falling apart.

So seeing him here with comforting eyes…..was a bit of a shock.

“Well this is a surprise,” Melinda said turning back to look at the ocean. The moon was rising in the night time sky reflecting in the water. For a different galaxy it was strange how the Lantean moon was almost identical to Earth’s moon. It was almost if she was home, a strange feeling, “coming to comfort me?”

“I guess, you mind if I join you?” John asked. Melinda shook her head and John made his way next to her. He placed his hands on the railing and took a deep breath through his nose, taking in the smell of the ocean air. His hands placed on the railing as he looked out into the night, “this place is beautiful isn’t? Elizabeth and I come out here all the time to talk about issues that are going on in Atlantis.” He paused and pointed to the other end of the balcony, “We had our first kiss over there.”

A small smirk curled on her lips. When it was all said and done. Even though everything that happened between her and John ended so disastrously, he found someone who made him happy. Or at least tolerated him through his quirks and struggles he so often dealt with. 

“It’s nice to hear,” Melinda said turning his head towards him, “But you didn’t come out here to engage in some small talk did you? You came out to talk about Kolya and what is happening with Phil aren’t you?”

John’s smile faded. His hands gripped the railing as he swallowed. 

“Yes,” He said closing his eyes, “The thing about Kolya is that he loves to get under your skin. Remember how we said he took over the city? He made me believe Elizabeth was dead. I ran around the city on a rampage and killed fifty five people a blind rage. I made what what you did in Bahrain seem like you killed only one person.”

Melinda turned her head to him. John never knew the whole story. She told herself she would never tell him, the man she was once married to and her second attempt of failure of starting a family. She thought it would be too painful for him and he would never look at her the same again. Looking back now it was a ridiculous thought. John was a soldier he saw war, death and carnage sometimes days at a time. 

Maybe it was time to tell the truth. It was probably the worst time to do so but right now, as odd as it was now. They had this strange connection brought on by a man who loved to push buttons.

“What if I told you I did kill one person?” Melinda said sighing deeply.

John turned his head furrowing his brow.

“What?” He inquired.

Melinda sighed deeply.

“When I went in there…..to save my team from the followers in the inhuman took hostage,” She said gripping her hands onto the railing of the balcony so hard her knuckles were beginning to turn white. “I was pretty sure it was Eva Belyakov holding them. But I fought her and I killed her. But….it turns out it wasn’t the Inhuman I was looking for…..it was the little girl I was looking to save….her daughter.” Melinda swallowed. Her eyes watering as she the images flashed through her head like a shot to shot movie, “She had this power to suck out emotions and kill them by taking what is left in her…..I…..she waved her hands and knocked out all our enemies dead. When she went to kill our agents I was left with a decision….kill her or let her kill them. So I took the gun and I shot her.”

As odd as it was. Saying the words, telling him something she had hid for so long only telling Phil what happened felt freeing. It was like a weight was pulled off her chest and she could finally breathe again. Of course she wished it didn’t have to come at a time where a storm was raging in front of them.

“So that explains everything,” John said turning his head to face her, “you being so shaky and fidgety to being touched, you not wanting to have kids. You felt so guilty about what you did to that little girl thought what able you the right to be a mother knowing to have blood on you hands. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because John I hate to break it to you,” Melinda responded with a small grin, “you are not really good and comforting people. And I thought you would think different me.”

John gently rested his hand over hers. He gave it a comforting squeeze. While the feeling of her hand his felt so damn familiar. He held it so many times when they were in love. But this was different. This was a gesture of friendship. This was him telling her that he understood she was going through.

“Melinda I am a soldier,” John said giving her a comforting smiling, “I had to make decisions I am not proud of. But it is war. Sometimes you have to do things you would never do to save the lives of many.”

Melinda looked at him with a small smile on her face. She was glad after all the fights and all the squalor of everything that happened between them, they finally reached a point where they could talk without screaming at each other. That they finally understood each other. Which made the decision on how to deal with Kolya and whether or not they should align with him to save Phil, the man she loved, or let him die. 

“What about the idea of aligning with Kolya?” Melinda said furrowing her brow, “would you forgive me then?”

John felt his hand slipping away from Melinda’s. Suddenly his comforting gaze turned into something of pure and utter terror and pain. 

“You told me what Bahrain did to you,” He said the sound of his voice was cracking. She saw a glimpse of how he reacted from the video. She couldn’t imagine what the weeks dealing with this haunting and terrifying situation, “now I will tell you what Kolya and his wrath did to me. There were nights I woke up screaming. I couldn’t feel the slightest of touch without thinking about how the wraith slammed his hand on me.” He closed his eyes. “Kolya may be stupid, but he knows how to break you but….if it saves Phil. Then I will not judge why are you thinking of aligning with him?” 

“I watched Phil die you know,” Melinda answered, “I held him in my arms as I watched the life leave his eyes. When you love someone. You would do anything and everything to save their life and make sure they were safe. But I am praying and hoping by some miracle someone would find him.”

John’s smile returned. It was still subdued, Melinda had a feeling that he was getting little flashes of his wraith feeding and his tortured. She felt him squeeze her hand again this time a bit more gently.

“I have seen a lot of things happen in this galaxy,” John said with a small smile, “And what happened with Kolya wasn’t my first call and brush with death. I can tell you after all I have been through, after all the pain I have endured. I believe in miracles, especially when involves love. Even if we don’t find him within the next hour…..and miss the deadline, Phil is over the moon for you and Skye….I am sure he will find away to come home to you.”

Melinda’s smile widened. Of course there was still fear of seeing Coulson tortured again, there was fear she may be coming back to earth with a body of what is left of Phil Coulson. But at least for now she had something….faith.

“You know I am really glad we were able to work things out after all these years,” Melinda mused, “We always did seem to think alike.”

“Me too Melinda,” John responded with a nod, “Me too.”

* * *

“How about this Address,” Skye said as the the eight symbols appeared over on the large screen in front of them. They were the ancients way of dialing a telephone number. Each symbol represents a variable. The whole idea made her dizzy and longing for her normal numbers. 

Rowan narrowed his eyes looking over at symbols. He looked over them one, two, three times before shaking his head. Skye made a long groan before bashing her head on the keyboard below her. 

“We are never going to find my dad,” Skye said her fingers moving in circles on her temples.

The had been at this for the last hour. Skye would look up addresses that her computer algorithm pulled. Each address that would overlap with other DHDs Kolya probably touched was highlighted in yellow. Everytime she clicked on them Rowan would study it, hoping the address would look familiar to him. But alas they went through probably up to 100 addresses and none of them seemed familiar to Rowan. 

Rowan moved to his place by the screen and over to Skye’s side. His large hand moved lovingly up and down her back and in comforting circles. She had to admit his touch was the only thing sending her into full scale as to how badly her father was being tortured. It was definitely a blessing in disguise that she wasn’t in the room to see the video. She probably would have lost it. 

“D-d-don’t b-b-beat y-y-yourself ov-v-ver this Sk-Sk-Skye you’ll f-f-find him,” Rowan said with a small smile on his face, “Cl-cl-click the n-n-next ad-d-d-dress.” 

“I am so glad I have a cheerleader helping me through this,” Skye sighed and clicked the next highlighted address. The ritual repeated, Rowan’s eyes scanned up and down the number. This time he took a bit longer to look. For a moment she held her breath. Was this the address they were looking for this whole time? “Rowan.”

“Th-th-this is it,” Rowan said with a grin, “my f-f-father h-h-has a b-b-base over th-th-there un-un-underground.”

“Great save,” Skye said looking down at her watch, “with only 30 minutes to spare, damn we’re good.” She gently lifted up her hand for Rowan to high five. Rowan tilted his head and looked at it in confusion. “it’s called a high five you take one of your hands and clap your hand against it.” 

“Oh!” Rowan said.

Of course having no idea what a high five was it was a weak pathetic one. It was barely even a touch. But Skye nevertheless gave him a small and kind smile. 

“We’ll teach you how to do a proper high five later,” Skye said, “right now we have my father to save.”

* * *

“Doctor Weir,” A voice, Elizabeth immediately recognized as Melinda’s said from behind her. 

Elizabeth was looking down at the scene below her. People were lining up at the gate, getting ready to fight the beast and save Agent Coulson from a man known as monster amongst the people of the expedition. She folded her hands in front of her and turned to face the Agent.

“Yes,” She said raising an eyebrow.

Before Melinda was in a position to seem to undermine authority. Her hands were on her hips as if she was standing there impatient and eager to speak. Her body seemed slouched. Her lips were pursued in impatience. But the moment Elizabeth turned to face her it changed. Melinda stood up straight, hands linked behind her back, eyes shifted into focus, just like John often done in the beginning when they were both comrades and not lovers. 

It left Elizabeth to wonder if Melinda May was a soldier before joined S.H.I.EL.D all those years ago. But she pushed the idea at the back of her mind. Right now there were other and more pressing matters at hand. 

“I came to ask permission to join along the rescue party,” Melinda said furrowing her brow keeping a determined gaze on her counterpart, “I heard you are allowing John the lead the search party into Kolya’s base.”

Elizabeth sighed.

“I should have known you were going to ask that Agent May,” She said folding her hands in front of her. Her fingers tapped against her knuckles. It was a small yet strange coping mechanism as she felt rising tension around her. “The reason I am allowing Colonel Sheppard to go in because he knows some of the structures of the Genii Bunkers. I know how Agent Coulson means to you but my answer still stands. I am concerned you going in there will be a repeat of Bahrain for you.”

Melinda frowned. Now she looked frustrated, whether it be she thought that Elizabeth was amongst the people who thought she was a monster, she was frustrated that she was not on the front lines saving the man she cared about or both, her dismay over being docked on the rescue mission clearly evident in her eyes. 

“And how many times do I have to tell you?” Melinda said furrowing her brow, “what happened, happened SIX years ago. It was a mistake, a flaw a misstep. But I am older, wiser and I learned from my mistakes. If you are not willing to accept that, then I don’t understand how you could be a leader, let alone be with a Soldier like John.”

“I beg your pardon Agent May?” Elizabeth said raising an eyebrow, she was shocked that the conversation and their relationship that had been strong before suddenly took a tense turn. 

Melinda opened her mouth for a rebuttal, but the sound was cut off by John clearing his throat. He stood in front of them, back straight in his tact vest and Atlantis uniform. His usual brave eyes showed a mixed range of emotions from fear to determination on the mission he was about to embark on that would put him against his mortal enemy once again.

“Elizabeth I would trust her,” John said. Elizabeth raised her eyebrows in surprise. In the beginning of this alliance things were tense between the two of them. They couldn’t even be in the same room without fighting and screaming at the top of their their lungs, and now John was willing to defend her….Elizabeth had to admit. She was quite proud on how much he grew and learned to accept the situation with Melinda being on base. And she would praise him for it later, “If Coulson’s life is on the line I am pretty sure she would do anything and everything to make sure she doesn’t lose control. Besides you know how it feels to be docked and to feel helpless when the…” He paused to swallow, “person you love is in trouble.” 

Elizabeth swallowed. Yes oh yes she knew that feeling. John was a trouble magnet. Lot’s of times he got entangled in some trouble. Whether it be he got bit by an iratus bug and there was risk that the little tiny monstrous thing that was attached to his neck would suck the life out of him bit by hard earned bit, or he was held by angry natives in hopes that the city of the ancients would give them supplies would fight the wraith. There she would be waiting on the side on the side for him to get home.

She was a lot like John when it came to the safety and health of the people she loved and the people she was sworn to protect. If someone got hurt she would be empathetic of their agony. If she failed to rescue someone from the enemy she would sit there for hours thinking what tactical mistake she made to cause the outcome to be disastrous and how she could've prevented it to the point where she couldn’t even sleep. And when someone died on her expedition, whether it be by wraith, by man or sickness...she would blame herself for it. 

It had to do with her fear of being helpless and being useless.

The whole ordeal when Kolya kidnapped John had to be the worst. Not only did she have to stand there, watch and hear John the man she loved, held and kissed get his life drained out of him in a matter of seconds, but she had to stay put in Atlantis as people searched everywhere to rescue him from the hands of his violent and sadistic captor. She remember pacing back and forth not only waiting for an answer (did he survive? Did she have to say goodbye?) but hitting herself on what she could have done to prevent John’s suffering.

Her helplessness was exasperated when she had to watch John, suffering from his nightmares. She turned her head to Melinda. Sure she was standing still, sure she was trying to remain as calm and composed as possible. But deep in her eyes….she had that same sense of helplessness that Elizabeth ever so often had. 

“Elizabeth,” John said sternly narrowing his eyes looking back and forth at both women, “don’t let Melinda feel that same sense of helplessness, let her work and I promise you that I will not under any circumstances let her break.”

Elizabeth took a deep breath.

“Alright Agent May,” She said, “I will let you go, but don’t make me regret it.” 

“Come on,” John said, “I’ll go with you as you set up.”

* * *

Melinda sighed deeply as she threw the tact vest over the shoulders. In S.H.I.E.L.D. people had the option to wear tact vests. Either they wore it because it made them feel much safer wearing it out on the field...or they didn’t wear it because it added extra and unnecessary weight. Melinda was one of those people that thought it was unnecessary weight.

It was almost like a burden adding that heavy thing to her shoulders and chest, in the end Melinda thought she would probably be glad they were required to wear protective in the long run. After all John said Kolya was always fucking trigger happy when it comes to his enemy.

“You are going to need this,” John said handing her a P-90. 

Melinda frowned looking down at the weapon. It was bigger than an actual pistol. It looked more like something military men would use in war. The idea made the thing look bigger and much more frightening than it actually did.

“I don’t like guns,” Melinda said.

_It reminds me too much of what happened in Bahrain._ She mentally added. 

“It will make me feel more secure if you take it,” John said with a small grin on his face, “here.”

John handed her the gun. She was used to a lightweight thing she could hold in one hand easy. This one was big as the length of her arm. She needed two hands to carry the damn thing. But she didn’t have much of a choice, he was being insistent. She would carry it around with her and if she had to she will drop it preferably when she wrapped her hands around Kolya’s goddamn neck. 

“He is going to break you ya know,” John said as Melinda rested her p-90 at her side and began to finishing zipping up her tact vest, making sure it was safe and secure around her chest. “Now that he knows Coulson is your weakness he’s going to exploit it and use it against you. Don’t let him.”

“Why are you telling me this,” Melinda said furrowing her brow.

“Because Melinda May I never really told you this,” John said running his hand through his hair, “you are strong, you are one of the strongest women I know, and you are also the bravest. I know Bahrain was a horrible point in your past and you were broken and your spirit weakened but you seem to come back to that. I was broken by him….I will not see it happen to you.”

Melinda smiled.

“Who are you and what have you done with Colonel Sheppard,” She said raising an eyebrow.

“I changed a lot stick around and you’ll get to know me,” John said with a grin, “now come on…..we have our man to save.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:
> 
> The Daring Rescue of Phil Coulson.
> 
> Remember Comments and Kudos are love


	14. the fight and fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The daring rescue of Phil Coulson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning the chapter contains some violence. Proceed with Caution

“Alright here’s the deal,” John said at the small group gathered at the gate. With Hunter, Bobbi and Triplett grounded after the last attack, “we are going to make this as quick and stealthy as possible. We want to avoid a combat situation. Agents Barton and Romanoff, you team up with Agent Skye and Private Kolya. Your job is to keep the computer room which has the life signs of everyone in the building secure as we locate and bring Agent Coulson to Safety.”

Clint looked over to Skye and Rowan and smiled. 

“I would prefer to stick my arrow ten feet up Kolya’s ass but,” Clint began, “but obviously Agent Coulson is a friend of mine would guard his daughter with my life and,” He paused to point at Rowan, “I like this kid, if we get a break….maybe we could teach you sign language, help you on the days when you have difficulty speaking.”

 

“I-I-I w-w-would l-l-like th-that,” Rowan said with a grin. Natasha moved her hands wildly in sign language indicating Clint still had his hearing aids off after witness Kolya’s torture video with the rest of the teammates and couldn’t read Rowan’s stutter as he could read other people’s lips. 

“You can socialize later Agent Barton but we are on a tight deadline,” John said which Natasha also signed for him. “Now that leaves four of us, if the four of us go in a group it will slow our progress in finding Coulson. So Ronon and Teyla you will check the dungeons see if Agent Coulson is there while Agent May and Myself will check some of the more common rooms.” 

“Are you sure that’s a wise idea Sheppard?” Ronon said tilting his head, “I mean you and May are not on the greatest terms.”

“Trust me Chewie,” John said with a grin, “This whole thing with Kolya was quite how could I put this a bonding experience for us...I think we both the mutual need to kick his ass. With that said is there any there any questions.”

Silence. Everyone was eager and waiting to get this rescue mission over with. 

“Alright then,” John said with a smile, “Let’s roll.”

* * *

A small bell which sounded like an alarm jolted Phil from his dream like state. He had his eyes closed, breathing softly through his nose. Trying to fill his mind with pleasant memories from at home and his time in SHIELD and not the state he was in.

Jolting back to Earth so quickly made him realize how uncomfortable he truly was. His body was numb for staying still for this long. Was it Two? Three? Four? Five hours maybe? His wrists were beginning to be irritated from the tight manicals cutting off his circulation. But the worst had to be the gag. It wasn’t that he couldn’t talk, he couldn’t scream making him feel the ultimate helplessness, it was just uncomfortable. It was thick cutting into the corners of his lips, it tasted chalky and it made his mouth dry like cotton. Could Kolya had shown him some water?

“Hours up,” Kolya said descending in the doorway, “set up the cameras and get the gate activated, let’s pray Agent May will show you some kindness and prevent me from torturing him further.” 

The first glimpse he saw was the fucking thing that was used to torture him. The of the cattle prod in his hand made Phil take a sharp breath through his nose. The pain was almost phantom but he could fucking feel the whole pain searing through his body. Something that made him cringe. Kolya made his way two steps closer when there was another sound. It sounded like an alarm.

One of Kolya’s men came running into the room.

“Commander Colonel Sheppard and his men had entered the base,” He said, “they already took out a few of our men. Should we call for reinforcements?”

“Of course,” Kolya growled in annoyance that once again his plans were beginning to be foiled by his worst and mortal enemy. “But if you find Colonel Sheppard make sure he comes to me alive I want him for myself.” He turned to face Coulson, “looks like you were spared…..make sure our guest doesn’t run. I don’t want to lose my leverage.”

And with that Kolya left the room. Of course Phil had guns drawn on him ready to strike if he made the slightest of movements. Of course he was literally chained to this chair. But that didn’t stop him from struggling in his bonds hoping for an exit. 

He squirmed a few times a few times hoping the binds which were locked like a buckle would become undone. Each time he did it the blinds would snap him back into place. He made made a muffled groan in frustration. He sighed and leaned back against the chair. He would have to wait for Melinda to burst through that door.

And he had no doubts she would.

* * *

“Surprise asshole!” Clint screamed as he shot a few arrows into the Genii controlling the computers in the room. He could see Rowan’s eyes widening as they fell to the floor like dominoes. Clint turned his head towards Rowan. “Did you know any of them?”

“N-n-no,” Rowan said with a deep sigh, “m-m-most of m-m-my fr-fr-friends w-w-were in the sc-sc-sc-science dep-p-p-partm-m-ment with L-l-ladon.”

“Good, I mean not good, the people are dead,” Clint corrected.

“Barton shut up,” Natasha said locking the door behind her after kicking the unconscious bodies out the door, of course if John Sheppard and Melinda May were running after to save Coulson, the four of them would be the last people Kolya would give a damn about. But it never hurt to have any sort of safety precaution. “Skye you think you could hack into the system maybe make it harder to find Sheppard and May?”

Skye walked over to the screen and looked up. It looked like a tracker that was the of the base layout. The top screen she had to assume was the first floor of the complex. The bottom screen must have been the second floor. There were many flashing lights. Some were stationary, others moved wildly. They were all in different colors. It looked like a complicated and intricate system.

She knelt to the floor and rummaged through her backpack.

“Well if I managed to hack through the Atlantis system and the DHDS in the galaxy I am sure I can hack into this,” Skye said. She pulled out her laptop and rested it on the table. Taking out a long wire she attached it to what looked like an external drive access, “I do need an explanation as to what the dots are.” Skye turned her head to Rowan, “You think you can explain babe?”

“Bow chicka wow wow,” Clint mumbled as he placed his quiver on a nearby chair. He thought he would do a quick survey of what arrows he had left while they were locked in here. 

“Grow up Barton,” Natasha said with a smirk.

Rowan blushed before looking up at the screen.

“The d-d-dots are c-c-color c-c-cod-d-ded,” He said, “all the d-d-dots in r-r-red ar-ar-are th-th-th-the en-en-enemies.”

“So the four red dots are us,” Natasha inquired.

Rowan nodded.

“Ev-ev-every-th-thing in p-p-purple are the pr-pr-prisoners I can on-on-only s-s-see one I am as-as-assuming that’s Ag-agent Co-Co-Coulson,” He said, “Every-th-th-thing in yell-l-l-low are the l-l-low r-r-rank-k-king m-m-em-m-mbers and the one in wh-wh-white is…” Suddenly Rowan paused. Suddenly his face turned white. His breathing became heavy. His knuckles gripped the ledge so hard that his knuckles began to turn white. He was shaking.

“What’s wrong kid,” Clint said. His face was soft as his eyes narrowed in concern as he looked up at the screen. From the layout of it there was a white dot just inches away from their location. “That white dot….is your father…”

“Which means,” Natasha added, “Kolya’s right outside our door.”

Suddenly the sound of the fist pounding on the door caused Rowan to jump and wince. Skye lifted her head from furiously typing at the keys trying to get into the system and she slipped a free hand to rub Rowan’s back. The nervousness was evident in his face, the way he breathed. 

“I KNEW THERE WAS ONLY ONE PERSON ON THIS PLACE THAT COULDN’T MAKE A PROPER SENTENCE,” A voice the four inhabitants in the room immediately recognized as Kolya’s. Natasha pulled out her gun from her thigh holster as Clint loaded an arrow in his bow. “IT WAS FOOLISH OF YOU TO COME HERE BOY! NOW I AM GOING TO PUNISH YOU FOR BETRAYING ME AND YOUR COUNTRYMEN! COME OUT NOW YOU COWARD AND FACE ME!” 

Clint turned his head back towards Skye and Rowan.

“This is a good thing,” The Archer said narrowing his eyes.

“Wow my mom was totally right when she said you were reckless,” Skye said squeezing Rowan’s arm. She could hear him wincing and trying to hold back tears. So far she was the only thing keeping him on his feet and from falling over, “How the hell is this a good thing? We have the fucking Pegasus version of Lord Voldemort trying to claw his way in here trying to kill Rowan.”

“It’s a good thing because we can distract him while your mom takes down some Genii Assholes and saves your dad duh!” Clint said before turning his head to Rowan, “Don’t worry kid you are one of us now, we protect our own. We will not let the asshole kill you. Not without my arrow being shoved then feet up his ass.” He turned to face the door, “see if you can contact your mother.” He paused for a moment before lifting up the bow again, “YEAH YOU GENII PIECE OF SHIT ROWAN AIN’T TALKING TO YOU! ALL COMMUNICATIONS WILL BE MADE THROUGH ME!” 

There was a slight chuckle behind the door. As Skye tapped her com trying to communicate to Melinda. 

“I have heard the voices of many Lanteans before,” Kolya said, “I have yet hear yours. What is your name?”

“I am the hawk,” Clint responded furrowing his brow, “caw, fucking, caw.”

Natasha lowered her gun for a moment to literally groan in frustration at the way Clint was acting right now before raising it again. She had to be prepared to be lucky person to put a bullet in this piece of shit’s head. 

“I am sure that is not your name Mr. Hawk,” Kolya growled, “What is your full name?”

“Fine King of the Koalas I am Agent Clint Barton,” Clint yelled back, “and me and my lovely Russian Girlfriend Natasha work under the command of not only Agent May but my dear friend Phil you got locked in your basement. That pisses me off….alot. And I was already pretty pissed by the way you treated my friend Rowan. It was pretty fucking Ableist! And I hate fucking Abelists.”

“Well I don’t like people who invade on my territory and go against my commands Agent Barton,” Kolya said. Clint growled. If this asshole didn’t get on his nerves enough by taking his friend and S.O. “Here’s the deal Agent Barton, I will let you and your lovely Russian whatever that means, girlfriend go if you open this door and give me my traitorous son go. Trust me, he is not worth it. He will betray you too.”

“He only betrayed you because he realized how much of a fucking dick you are,” Clint fired back. “If you want Rowan you have to fucking go through me. And I am pretty sure you won’t be able to do that with one of my arrows shoved ten feet up your puny ass.”

 

“Fine,” Kolya said. Natasha turned her head towards the screen. A group of six yellow dots came running towards their location. She turned her head towards Clint with a grave look on her face knowing they were going to break down the fucking door. “If you don’t open the door I will open it by force, gentleman.” 

Suddenly there was a loud bang followed by the door jolting and moving. Rowan let out a cry and held his ears. He sunk down to the floor rocking back and forth. This was too much for him. Skye went down to comfort him putting a hand down on his knee hoping he would calm down. There was a static sound through her ear. Her mother was trying to communicate.

“Mom,” Skye said. She tried her best to juggle to do things at once. Of course there was somethings she was able to multitask but comforting someone she cared about and making sure her mother found her father before it was too late something she was not obviously good at multitasking. But it didn’t at least hurt to try. “Thank god.”

“Skye did you find where your father is,” Melinda said. Skye rolled her eyes. Of course this was her mother. The infamous cavalry, a one woman army on a mission. Once she set her sights on a mission there was no way anything was going to break that determination. Of course she wasn’t going to say hello Skye how are you, not gonna find yourself two minutes away from being killed by a raging sociopath.

“Yeah he’s on the second floor,” Skye responded. She looked up each bang against the door, it was closer from falling off the hinges. Humm, they must have been too busy making all that technology and torturing people to make a proper fucking door. 

“Can you see how close I am exactly from him?” Melinda asked on the other line.

“Yeah about that Mom,” Skye began.

As if it were on a queue the door fell down in one foul swoop. Immediately Clint and Natasha went into action. Guns fired. Arrows fired. Some Genii fell down in a sickening thud with either arrows in their chest and blood seeping from their heads like fountains. They managed to keep at least Kolya through the door for about a good minute before Kolya raised a gun fired into Clint’s thigh. 

The archer fell down in a sickening thud as a cry of pain left his lips. 

“CLINT!” Natasha cried, she dropped the gun to the floor. She ran to his side and put pressure on his leg, “hang on Clint.” 

“Skye,” Melinda said sternly on the other line, “Talk to me, what's going on.”

Kolya laughed at the pathetic sight of the assassins on the ground. Clint gritting his teeth writhing in pain as Natasha put hard pressure on the wound. But it didn’t stop her from lifting her head at the Genii commander and giving him a searing and hateful gaze. Kolya only turned his head and made his way slowly towards Skye and Rowan. 

“Mom….I’ll contact you in a minute,” Skye said. 

She had to think. Sure she knew had some Genii stick tricks, and her mother and Grant Ward taught her a few moves but there was no freaking way she could take a monster with years of military training down herself. She could use a gun but she still wasn’t sure she would be able to make the right mark. There was one thing left to do….distract him.

She looked at her laptop. She frowned. Skye didn’t want to part with it. The thing had been with her throughout her whole career in the rising tide and her rise in SHIELD. But as her father often and wisely said, sacrifices had to be made. Besides she was good with computers, she would be able to fix it. 

“Sorry Hudson,” Skye said.

She ripped the laptop out of the cord and rose to her feet and in a move that would have been perfectly executed by her mother, she made a long and loud growl, she swung the laptop and swung it at the Genii commander right upside his head. Kolya stumbled backwards holding his forehead. 

“YOU LITTLE BRAT!” Kolya snarled. 

Seeing her perfect opportunity to escape, she pulled a bewildered and amazed Rowan to his feet. 

“Come on let’s go!” Skye said, “You can give me a thank you make out later.”

And with that she pulled him out of the room like a bat out of hell.

* * *

The gunfire, the screaming, the yelling Melinda was hearing on the other line made her stop dead in her tracks. Her face sunk. John looked up from from one of the dead corpses of the Genii he took out on the floor before looking up at Melinda in concern. 

“Melinda what’s wrong?” John asked raising an eyebrow.

Before the Hydra fall Skye was shot by an enemy named Ian Quinn. He did this so they could lead John Garrett to the same place where Phil Coulson was resurrected. Even so it was painful to see. Skye on the floor unconscious with blood seeping out of her stomach. Phil was screaming for Skye to hang on. It almost eerily reminded her of Bahrain how she held a dead Katya in her arms. 

 

It was haunting.

Even so, knowing Skye was now she and Phil’s daughter, the product of two people who loved each other unconditionally for all these years made the memory more like a punch to the gut. It also made the prospect of it happening again more frightening. She remembered how much Bahrain affected her and her view of children.

Before Katya’s death Melinda wanted nothing more than to be a mother. Being with John at the time she pictured the two of them having a house in Arizona, not that far from her father, it would be big and white with a white picket fence with a luscious green yard (even if they were in a desert area). She and John would sit on the porch smiling as the little one’s would play games. Melinda would smile and know she created and brought two beautiful and precious things into the world. 

That all shattered after Bahrain. The thought of having kids terrified her. She thought how the hell could she be a mother when she was a child killer. That and John’s inability to comfort her in the end was what tore them apart. For the most part Melinda made her bread that she would probably never be a mother. But as time passed and got older she became dismayed and began to regret she didn’t live her dream of being a mother. 

Skye, of course, came into her life late. She had already grown. Already went through all her milestones. But that still didn’t mean it wasn’t important to Melinda. Skye was her last chance to be a mother and she did not in heaven or hell want to lose it. It was why when she heard those gunshots. She suddenly became utterly terrified she may lose that chance. 

“It’s Skye,” Melinda said furrowing her brow as she looked up at John. “I think Kolya found her.” 

John walked over slowly and squeezed her shoulder.

“You go find Phil,” John said. Melinda opened her mouth to speak but the Colonel gave her a stern look, “no exceptions I think he’s going to need you more than me, besides I think I have a score to settle with Kolya.” 

There was no fighting a man with a determination and long and violent grudge. Melinda knew this almost way too well. So she nodded her head and let him go.

“Good luck,” She said, “And stay safe.”

“You too,” John said. 

And then they ran, in the opposite directions.

* * *

The sound of gunfire caused Phil to sit up abruptly in his seat. His head moved in different directions. He didn’t want to admit it but he was panicked. He knew it was some members of his team coming into save him. But there was a worry that some of them were shot and hurt. The loud sounds of gunfire affirmed his fears.

He was particularly panicked at the idea of Kolya targeting Melinda, maybe Skye, as some cruel form of emotional torture. The thought he was sitting here tied up, motionless and mute, while there was a dangerous man with the mind of a hunter possibly targeting the two people he loved and teammates he cared about made him feel...helpless.

Being a man who saved people, this feeling of helplessness was something he loathed, especially when he could have prevented an injury or worse a death. Guilt would wrap him like a vice grip and refuse to let go, even if there was truly nothing he could do. Suddenly he heard a sound a battle cry. Something so familiar….

Melinda’s battle cry.

She was here. Coming to rescue him. For a moment a wave of relief washed over him. Everything was going to be okay. He was going to be saved. But then there was the sound of gunfire. Phil took a sharp breath through his nose. He had to get of the binds and help her. He started thrashing, and pulling at the chains that were holding him down. A loud muffled yell his lips as he kept going.

He wasn’t budging. But it didn’t stop him. The sound of the clanking chains and the creaking chair echoed over the sound of gunfire. His body his muscles were screaming over the force of his movement causing pained muffled cries to bleed through the gag. Until….there was one sound of gunfire and it abruptly stopped. 

Phil stilled. Breathing heavily through his nose, his heart racing so hard against his chest he could feel it beat against his rib cage. There was no sound. Not even the sound of gunfire or pained cries. His eyes widened. Was Melinda shot or hurt or worse? Dead?

And then it happened. A Genii guard came flying into the room unconscious hitting the wall and landing like a sack of potatoes behind him. Phil turned his head to look at the soldier and then turned his head back towards the doorway. And there standing in almost an angelic silhouette was:

“Melinda,” He whispered almost breathlessly behind the gag.

She limped in quietly. Phil assumed she gotten injured as she was fighting. Even so he saw her slowly smiling from ear to ear as she walked closer to him. He too felt himself smiling as far as the restraints of the gag would allow his lips to move. It was a few agonizing, in the fact he was yearning for her kiss and her touch, before she stood in front front of him.

Phil’s eyes closed as Melinda’s hands slipped against her hands under the gag and against his cheeks. He savored the feel of her soft fingers touching his skin. He let that and her lips on her his forehead, his nose and parts of his mouth exposed by the cloth. It was her small way of comforting him. 

“Are you hurt? Are you okay?” Melinda asked as she pulled the cloth down from his lips.

Phil took a few deep breaths through his mouth letting the air come into lungs. It admittedly hurt to breathe, especially around the area that had surged with electricity had hit him. But having her near him, after all this made him for a moment forget about it.

“I did hurt a bit,” Phil hummed, “but I am definitely okay now.”

Melinda involuntarily chuckled. 

“You know I hate cliches Phil,” She said rolling her eyes.

Phil brought his face close to hers. 

“Yeah but you like it,” He said inching his lips closer. He could feel her breath on his face. Cliche was right, but just taste of her lips was just the right to let him know that he survived. But just as he was about to kiss her she put a finger to his lips. 

“I am glad you are alive,” Melinda said with a small grin, “but we need to get out of here. But I promise you once you are medically clear….I’ll be as mushy and romantic as you want…..as long as you keep it between us.”

Phil chuckled a little until the pain spiked once again. He wheezed a little. Melinda ran her hands lovingly down his arms as a sign of comfort.

“Right,” He said between sharp breaths, “Wouldn’t want the world knowing the big bad and scary Agent May is really a big softie.” Melinda raised an eyebrow at him. “What? You gotta admit it’s funny.”

Melinda only rolled her eyes and knelt down in front of him to begin to unbuckle the straps. Shaking her head at how god damn easy it was to simply unbuckle the straps. It was The clips were like buckles to a belt.

“You know for Sadistic bastards their restraint systems are rather weak,” She said releasing one of the straps from his wrist.

“I didn’t know you dabbled in bondage Agent May,” Phil responded.

“Well at least Kolya didn’t your sense of hum-”

“Well isn’t this sweet,” A low sinister voice said. 

On instinct Melinda rose to her feet, quickly grabbing one of the guns left on one of the unconscious Genii soldiers. Her eyes went from light knowing that Phil was alive and well, to fire and rage as they landed on Kolya standing in the door. He had a cocky grin on his face as he unfolded his arms and stepped slowly into the room. 

“At first I was baffled I wondered why would such a beautiful woman go with a man like,” Kolya paused and moved his hand up and down his body, “that….but I see it now. The way you look at each other. The way you laugh and smile and joke around like children….you two complete each other just like Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Weir.” 

Melinda lifted the gun. She could fire it now. She had a perfect spot. Right between his eyes. But there were two things that stopped her. One that she didn’t want to take the kill that John so desperately wanted after all that Kolya done to him. Two standing with a gun in front of someone so dangerous was almost eerily familiar, triggering, like she was still in Bahrain. She could almost see Kolya shifting into Katya.

She shook it off, keeping her eye on the target, putting a bullet in his fucking head if he stepped any closer. She could see Phil at the corner of her eye. His hand one of which was free slowly moved to other cuff around his wrist to free himself. Thankfully Melinda was protecting him and blocking him from Kolya’s view.

Just like she always said she would.

“If you come any closer I’ll put a bullet in your goddamn head,” She growled. 

“Are you sure you will able to do that Agent May,” Kolya said with a coy grin on his face, “The gun is shaking in your hands, how do you know you will not miss.” He stepped closer to her. Her finger was on the trigger but she was doing just as Kolya suspected. Her hands never shook like this even when she went back on the field. But the familiarity of this scene….kill him or he’ll kill others, even if he wasn’t a young child like Katya. Kolya laughed interrupting her from her concentration, “It’s fine, I am not going to hurt Agent Coulson again…..in fact I am letting him go.”

Melinda lowered the gun as she raised an eyebrow. He was letting Phil go? Just like that? No fights no bargains? He was so adamant he was going to keep Phil until the seasoned Agent succumbed to the torture or got what he wanted. It sounded….suspicious. 

“What?” She said.

“I got something better,” Kolya chimed. 

The Genii Commander lifted his hand and snapped his fingers in a quick motion. There was the sound of shuffling. 

“Oh no,” Phil winced.

Melinda blinked as two Genii hurried into the room. Between them struggling wildly in their arms was John. His hands and feet bound with heavy ropes. He grunted and squirmed for a moment until he was dropped at Kolya’s feet. John tried to sit up but Kolya kicked him hard in the stomach causing him to go down once again wincing.

“See as I was running to stop you, I found you were stupid enough to bring my son,” Kolya said roughly grabbing John by his arm and raising him to his knees. “My little traitorous brat. See I was going to bring him down here…..and teach him a lesson but Colonel Sheppard, always brave and foolish Colonel Sheppard found me and decided to offer himself in his place. He must have thought I was going to take your lovely daughter as well. So I thought if I couldn’t convince you to align with me by using Agent Coulson….I will make Dr. Weir align with me by using Atlantis’ top ranking offers. So you and Agent Coulson can leave…..in peace.”

Melinda had two options here. She could leave with Coulson getting him the medical attention he needs. She would care of him. Tend to his wounds. Hold him through the nightmares. Atlantis would find a team, rescue John and everything would be okay. This would just be a terrible memory she would close her eyes and forget. Or she could attempt to knock out Kolya and run off with John.

“What about what you told me Commander,” Phil said from behind her. His face softened. There was no anger, no pain….just surprisingly….sympathy. “you are not going to\get what you want this way.” He smiled kindly, Melinda looked at him in confusion what he was talking about, and what did Kolya tell him. It didn’t matter. Maybe Phil could negotiate his way out of this. “Let Colonel Sheppard go you don’t have to hurt him…..and I will talk to Doctor Weir, tell her your situation and I promise you she will forget what you did just for a moment and help you.”

“You were of use to me before Agent Coulson,” Kolya sneered, “but your mate didn’t want to negotiate so I guess I have to be repetitive.”

“Phil, Melinda,” John said furrowing his brow, “go to back to Atlantis I’ll be fine. Just tell Elizabeth I love her okay?”

Melinda had to think fast. Either she was going to leave with both Phil and John or she was not going to leave at all. She turned her head to Phil for one moment his hand was slowly finishing releasing the other buckle from his arm. He gave her a look shaking her head telling her it was not worth it and she could come back for John later. Part him was right, but part of her knew it was her job, her duty to anything necessary to save innocent people…...even if it was her ex husband that was thorn in her side for years. 

In the end…..she decided to do the foolish route and try to save John. Besides she had a score to settle with Kolya for even daring to touch the man she loved. 

Melinda bowed her head in fake defeat as she turned her body and pretended to make her way to untie Coulson. She dropped the gun to the floor like a crumpled piece of laundry. This was to make Kolya believe he had won. The Genii commander chuckled in glee.

“Smart move Agent May,” Kolya said, “be quick releasing Agent Coulson. The sooner I could put Colonel Sheppard in his place the better.” The Genii commander turned to grab John by the arm and pull him to his feet, giving Melinda the perfect opportunity to make her move. 

Melinda turned her body fully to face Kolya. She took off in a run. When she was an inch away she took of in a leap. Her foot jabbed into Kolya’s stomach before landing on her feet. He growled and stumbled backwards. On instinct he held his stomach in pain groaning. Melinda used this opportunity to punch him in the face.

Kolya hissed as she made another attempt to kick his stomach. But the Genii commander grabbed her foot. He twisted it causing Melinda to cry out in pain and stumble backwards. Kolya still moaning in pain grabbed her by the neck and pushed her against nearby wall.

“Melinda no!” Phil cried out. He reached down quickly to reach for the binds on his feet. His abdomen was screaming from the bending over position. He had to try to help her. 

“You are a fool Agent May thinking you could defeat me,” Kolya growled. The grip on Melinda’s neck was tight. His large hands were cutting off her air. She could see stars at the corner of her eyes. She couldn’t breathe, “it’s too bad. Phil really seems to love you and now he’s bringing home a corpse.” 

Melinda made a desperate move in hopes he could let her go. Her forehead slammed hard on Kolya’s nose causing him to cry out in pain. Blood was spilling no gushing from his nose as he let her go. Melinda fell to the ground as she caught her breath. She managed to crawl into her hands and knees as she grabbed him by the back of his long back jacket and fall to the floor knocking the wind out of him.

And then it happened. Melinda crawled over to sadistic Genii commander’s prone form and started punching. One, two, three four. Over and over again her hands colliding with his face. Bones broke, bruises were formed, the sound of skin hitting on skin was music to her ears. For hurting John, for hurting Phil, for possibly thinking of hurting Skye as well he fucking deserved this. 

“Melinda no!” Phil cried out.

He pulled Melinda off the Commander’s body. Kolya whose face was bruised and bloody, laid on the floor in a mixture of laughing and crying out in pain. Melinda was clawing and thrashing. But Phil pulled her gently against his chest. He rocked her back and forth holding to calm her down. 

“Let me finish him off,” She snarled, “he tortured you….he hurt Skye.”

“But it’s not the way we do things Melinda,” Phil said, “dangerous men like him, who don’t have some ability we lock him away so he doesn't hurt anyone else.”

Melinda took a deep breath through her lungs as she calmed down. He was right. As foolish as she felt for letting her rage get the better of her, it wasn’t worth killing over. Phil was here, alive clinging to her and that was all that mattered. Letting Phil’s voice and touch soothe the shakes and tremors that roared through her body like waves. Phil rested his chin against her shoulder hushing her, clinging to her. At the same time letting her embrace telling him he was alive.

“You know you guys,” John said from behind him, “you could untie me at any moment.”

With one hand still on Melinda comforting her and calming her down, his other hand moved to a discarded knife on one of the unconscious Genii soldiers and passed it over to John. The colonel smirked and started to cut himself free from the ropes. 

“You know I did want to kill Kolya,” John said, “but I think it would be too easy…..I think it would be better if I just threw him in one of the cells. Leave him to rot….my have the tables turned.” The Genii commander hissed and then washed in response. “I’ll call Ronon and Teyla.”

John tapped his com and walked out of the room.

“Are you going to be okay?” Phil whispered in her ear. 

Finally calm from the storm raging inside her Melinda smiled gently. 

“I am supposed to be asking you that,” She quipped, “and be the one comforting you, you were the one who was kidnapped.” 

“How about this,” Phil whispered, “you help me get out of here…..and you can comfort me all you want.”

Melinda took Phil’s arm and wrapped it around her shoulders. She slowly helped him to his feet knowing she was going to have to help him walk. For the second time since his resurrection she had never been more relieved to see him alive and safe. 

“Sounds like a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:
> 
> Melinda and Phil finally rekindle their lost relationship.
> 
> Remember Comments and Kudos are love.


	15. safe and sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and Melinda rekindle their lost love, while John ponders Kolya's actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments and reviews. I know a NaNoWriMo Story can be all over the place but I am glad people seem to enjoy it.

“I am going to kill him,” Natasha said looking down at Clint’s leg which was bandaged. The Doctor Carson Beckett said the bullet that Kolya had shot in his leg, was inches away from hitting femoral artery. Any further he would have have bled to death. Clint rolled his eyes at that being seconds away from death was the story of his life.

But he was going to live. He was going to have to be grounded for a while whilst his leg recovered. Something Clint hated because a man of action. But hey it was better being brought through the gate in a pine box. 

“Tasha baby it’s just a bullet,” Clint said taking her hand in his own. He took her hand and put it to his lips kissing it gently, “I am gonna be fine, once Carson clears me we can get out, have some pizza make some love.” Natasha rolled her eyes trying not to laugh, but the smirk on her face told him it was a losing battle. “Besides Kolya’s probably in the next cell with Ward I couldn’t even imagine a worse fate.” 

“Did I mention how much you were a smartass Barton,” Natasha said.

“Oh come on,” Clint said with a smile as he moved his hand to her face, “if I died your life would be so boring….I would hear you from the afterlife wailing and complaining.” 

“I hate you,” Natasha said closing her eyes. She had to admit. She could face anything. A hoard of angry assassins, bullets flying at her, torture. All of it she could endure without even blinking. But Clint Barton, sometimes airheaded, sharp, cunning and smartass Clint Barton was the only thing that was her undoing. After all, after all these years of being a numb, Clint gave her the ability to feel.It was because of this he was her undoing. 

“No you don’t,” Clint said. 

He leaned forward and kissed Natasha. It was a gentle kiss at first. He sometimes liked a simple kiss. No action, just a simple kiss, as they held the kiss to keep the position for a few moments to savor the intimacy of it. Especially like this, after a moment where one of them almost died. Then Clint pulled back staring at her for a moment before moving in once again for the kill.

Their kisses were like waves in the ocean. The clashed like water crashing against the sand. Clint’s hands moved against their sides feeling the curve of her body. 

“Clint the med room is not the greatest place to make out,” Natasha said against his lips. Her hand moved gently through his sandy blonde hair, “What if your cousin comes in and sees me straddling you?”

Clint pulled back a little. But far enough so Natasha could catch his lips again if she wanted to. His hand moved down her shoulder and down her arm to catch her hand in his own.

“We fucked in weirder places,” He chuckled. 

“Oh damn that bullet didn’t destroy the part of your brain that doesn’t have a filter,” Natasha taunted. 

“Oh no wonder my parents ship it so much,” A voice they immediately recognized as Skye’s said, “you two act and sound like two lovestruck and horny teenagers.”

It was like one of those scenes Skye would see in a teen romantic comedy. Natasha stepped back smoothing her hair and clothes. Clint leaned back against the bed and looked like the cat ate at the canary. Rowan who was standing next to her held his hand over his mouth and started giggling. 

“I am 24 I am not 2,” Skye said, “By the way Rowan wanted to see how you are doing, and come say thank you for protecting him from his father.”

“Y-y-y-you r-r-real-l-ly d-d-didn-n-n’t have to d-d-do th-that,” Rowan said looking over to Clint and Natasha before turning back to Skye and squeezing her hand, “All of y-y-you.”

Clint looked up at Rowan and Skye and smiled. 

“Kid you remind me a lot of myself,” He said, “very self doubtful because of your flaws and disabilities. It’s why I felt the need to protect you. And Skye….after all Agent Coulson and Agent May are my friends and you are my friend’s kid.” Skye grinned further at at that. “Speaking of which, how is Agent Coulson fairing?”

“Well it’s a miracle he’s a bit sore and bruised up,” Skye said, “He is currently back in his room with Mom…..I am pretty sure she is taking very good care of him if you know what I mean!”

* * *

Phil was very glad he was not staying in the medical wing. Half because he was relieved that Kolya didn’t do as much damage as he thought (though there was a nasty laceration from the cattle prod like device), other half he didn’t exactly like hospitals after dealing with his death and resurrection. It triggered too many memories from the T.A.H.I.T.I. project. 

He spent the first hour in his room alone as Melinda had to go into post mission debriefing to explain why Kolya was still alive and now in their prison facility. Phil decided to take a well needed nap. He didn’t exactly had time to rest when he was abducted. He woke up after rolling onto his side where Kolya had hit him with the cattle Prod. Groaning and realizing he was sweaty and dirty he realized he needed a shower.

He slowly took off his clothing. Not even bothering to fold it neatly, he threw it on the floor. As he walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, he got a first quick glimpse of his body and saw all the damage Kolya had inflicted on him. 

There was a bruise on Phil’s right cheek under his eye. There was another bruise under his chin from Kolya’s violent backhand across his face in hopes Phil would be focused on him. A bandage adorned his forehead, right above his eyebrow. He sighed he always seemed to be getting hit there for some strange reason or another. Bruises were spotted all along his torso from the Genii soldiers who punched him as he was dragged through the gate. 

The worst was the big bandage on his torso from the Cattle Prod. It had the effects of the first degree burn. It was bleeding and blistered. Probably sticky to the touch. But considered the horror stories that John had told him. The fact that this laceration was the result of an a minor electrocution, made him very lucky. Besides if he took John, there was no way in heaven and in hell he would have made it out of that bunker alive this time. It was worth. 

“Been through worse,” Phil mumbled. 

Phil jumped in the shower. The moment the warm water hit his body he felt his muscles soothing in relaxation. He made a deep sigh of relief letting the tension he felt diminish under the spray. He heard the sound of the door of the door swishing open. He opened the door slowly.

“Melinda,” He said. 

Melinda was standing in the doorway. Her dark hair loose and free. She was wearing only a silk robe that was left in the closets of Atlantis. Her face was calm. Lips curled into a small smile. It was the most serene he had seen her in a long time. 

“Do you mind if I come in with you?” She asked quietly, “Maybe clean you off a bit if you let me?”

Phil smirked. He could use a distraction from the pain he was in. 

“Well it will save some water,” He said with a small chuckle, “Though I don’t think Lantea is having a global warming problem like we were.”

“You and your sense of humor Phil,” She said. 

Melinda quickly untied her robe. It fell to the floor in one swift motion. Phil’s mouth went dry. It had been years since he had seen Melinda in her nude form. Yes there were a few scars from various perilous missions, but even after all these years just like her face, time had not weathered her body like it did his. It was like she was frozen in time.

“What are you staring at?” Melinda said. She could feel him gazing, admiring her body. She never had doubts about her appearance. Scars she received told a story of survival. Her body changing was a sign she was older and wiser, that she has learned from her experiences and she continued to change. But Phil staring at her like she was the only thing to have ever existed in the universe did give her some confidence points.

“It’s just….” Phil said grinning, “after all these years, you are still as beautiful as I remember.”

Melinda didn’t answer she simply smiled. She slowly stepped into the shower. She looked at him for a moment, gazing at him. His body was bruised and battered from the tortured and he was probably in pain. But Phil’s blue eyes managed to sparkle, even glow causing something something warm pooling at the pit of her belly.

They stood at the opposite ends of the shower, only the wall of spray dividing them just staring. When they were together they had moments like this. No words, no movement, just marveling the beautiful sight of each other. But after years of being apart and almost losing Phil today, she craved touching him. 

Making the first move, Melinda reached her hand under the spray, marveling how warm it was and touched one of the bruises. Phil closed his eyes and moaned lightly. Surprisingly, the injured and battered skin was probably the most sensitive. Phil wrapped his arms around Melinda’s waist and pulled her underneath the warm spray. Melinda sighed deeply as Phil ran his large hands up and down her thin frame.

“The water feels good doesn’t it,” Phil said his hands moving the small of her back.

“Not as good as the feel of your hands on my body,” Melinda cooed tapping his nose, “but I don’t want to be too distracted. How far did you get before I got in?”

“Didn’t even get to wash my hair when you came in,” He said quietly. 

“We’ll change that,” Melinda said. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck and reached behind him grabbing one of the shampoo bottles behind him. She poured a small amount in her hands and started rubbing it in her hands. When her hands were nice and soapy she started lathering the soap through his hair. His locks were much thinner than it was the past. But it was something to her advantaged. She was able to lightly scratch his scalp with her nails. Phil closed his eyes and hummed happily.

“You like that?” Melinda said her hands moving and circular motion.

“It’s heavenly,” Phil whispered before opening his eyes, “The advantage of having thinning hair.” 

“Leave it to you to find a silver lining to getting older.”

Melinda continued to move her fingers and scratch his scalp in circular motions. She could feel the breath on her neck. It was soft and heavy. The grip on her hips were a bit looser. She could see the corners of his mouth turning into a smile each time she moved her hand down his forehead. 

“Ready to rinse?” Melinda said.

Phil nodded his head. She pulled him under the spray. She ran her hands through his hair washing out all the shampoo with her fingers. She waited until the soap and suds were completely erased before pulling his body from the spray.

“Oh man,” Phil said with a pout, “I was loving that head massage. Better than any barber I have been to.”

“I’ll give you another one later if you want,” She responded.

“I’ll take your word.” 

Melinda grabbed the soap and moved onto his body. She started at Phil’s neck. From being forced to sit up in the chair he thought his neck would be sore. Surprisingly it was fine. She moved down the sides of his neck. Her fingers mouthed to the hollow of his throat. The moment fingers touched his Adam’s apple Phil gulped and moaned the grip on her hips becoming tight again. 

“I forgot,” She said as moved her fingers down his collarbone to his strong and broad shoulders, “You are sensitive over there, I know we are working on rekindling things but I don’t want to get you hyped up you are injured. I don’t want to push you.”

Phil made a fake offended frown.

“You still think I am that little horndog of a boy I used to be,” He said raising an eyebrow. 

Melinda tilted her head. 

“I see your eyes moving towards my breasts,” She teased. 

“And the rest of your body,” Phil retorted rolling his eyes, “trust me Melinda.” He said. He moved up his hand up the side of her hip, sliding her hand over her breast and up the side of her neck. “I have restraint, especially when I am tired.”

Melinda nodded her head. 

“You know I am joking,” She said moving her hand down his arms, “If there is one thing I love about you Phil, besides your intelligence, your kindness, you respect women and you are a gentleman…...Oh Phil.”

Melinda looked down at Phil’s wrists. They were red. They were bruised, they were raw and they were red. Big angry red lines surrounded the perimeter and dented the skin. She closed her eyes for a moment. The idea of him struggling in the binds trying to break free entered her mind's eye. It was something that caused her to catch her breath in her throat.

“That’s kinda my fault,” Phil said looking down at the red welts on his wrists. They were examined upon reaching the medbay but he was told he was lucky they didn’t need any bandages but they would have quite a nasty bruise the next day. But he was lucky they weren’t broken nor did his skin break so it was nothing to write home about. “When I heard the gunshots from my rescue mission I got really scared that he was going get you….or Skye.” Melinda ran her hands down down his arms. “So I started thrashing wildly in the binds.”

“I am so happy I got to kick Kolya’s ass now,” Melinda said. She brought his wrists to her mouth, kissing around the perimeter of it. Phil hummed in delight. 

“It was very attractive,” Phil chuckled.

Melinda only grinned and moved onto cleaning the rest of his body. Her hands had done so much damage over the years. They took down men twice her size. They shed blood. They fought. But as they moved over his body they were gentle. They were careful not to put too much pressure on the bruises. Each time the soapy hands moved over a bruise they did it with slow and lower pressure. 

When her soapy hand moved around the wound from the torture device Phil let out a cry at the stinging pain. He cried out a little at the sting as his hands gripped onto her waist. He closed his eyes tightly as his hands gripped onto Melinda’s waist tighter. The moment her hand touched her skin something magical happened. It was if touching her skin healed him in a strange way.

“Phil are you alright,” Melinda asked looking at him in concern. 

Phil leaned and placed a few small kisses on Melinda’s lips. Not too heavy so it could lead to them making love. But it was enough to show affection, to show how much he loved her. After the last kiss he rested his forehead against hers. Melinda couldn’t help but laugh breathily as she rested her hand on his stomach at how close they were. 

“You are being so good to me Melinda,” Phil whispered, “why are being so good to me?” 

Melinda rested her forehead against his. 

“Because Phil,” She answered her fingers crawling in small circles on his stomach causing Phil to sigh in happiness, “you were always there for me. When we gave up Skye you held my hand through the whole process. You were there for me after Bahrain, hugging me whipping my tears away, being the first person there when I woke up screaming from my nightmares, telling me it was all just a dream. And you were always there tending to my wounds. I might as well return the favor.”

Phil sighed happily and rested his head on Melinda’s shoulder. He closed his eyes as he let the warm water spray on their bodies. He took in everything the feel of her skin. Her smell, her soft fingers walking down the skin of his thighs and his legs, washing the rest of the blood and the grime off his body. 

“I know this was probably the wrong time to start again with the world in trouble and us in a place galaxies away from our home,” He whispered in her ear as he ran his hand up and down his spine. She sighed deeply as she kissed his neck gently. “But I am so happy we are rekindling things Melinda I missed you…...I missed….us.”

“I missed us too,” Melinda said kissing his forehead. She ran her hands through his hair, resting her chin on the top of his head. “It’s never too late to start again.” She smiled wider, “In fact even with everything…..it’s the most peace I have been in years.” Phil wanted to lift his head and kissed her on the lips but….being so content and relaxed and all the adrenaline leaving his body from the trauma he had been through all day...he was just so tired. “Sleepy?” Phil nodded. “Do you need help getting into bed?” 

“No I got it,” He said slowly lifting his head. His eyes were heavy. His body felt like goo. “We sleeping in separate beds.” 

“After you being tortured and all this…” Melinda said raising an eyebrow, “we are sleeping in the same bed.” 

Phil didn’t want to let go. He could stay in this shower forever. Holding her till they sweat from the heat and the steam and their skin got prunny. But the thought of them being in bed with the white silk sheets surrounding them sounded more appealing. He slowly stepped back and held her hand lightly.

“I’ll wait for you,” Phil said with a smile squeezing her hand before letting it go.

“Phil I hate cliches,” She said with a laugh lightly smacking his butt. Phil laughed as he stepped in the shower. “You keep the bed warm for me.”

Melinda waited to step under the spray to watch Phil for a few moments. His back was turned to her. But even so, he sensed she had her eyes on him, watching his every move. He used it to make a show. She couldn’t help but admire how toned his back was after all these years. She couldn’t wait to run her fingers up and down his spine like she used to. With a smirk he reached for a towel and wrapped it around his waist.

And then he walked hips swaying as he stepped giving her own personal show. With a breathy sigh she reached for the soap. She leaned against the wall running her hands all over her body. Just for a moment she thought of Phil’s hands and the way they would touch every curve of her body once he was able to.

* * *

The moment Melinda walked in with a towel around her body with another towel drying off her wet black locks. She felt Phil’s eyes gazing at her once again. She felt her face at his blue eyes gazed at her with wonder. He lied on his side. His right arm propping him up. The lower half of his body was covered with the white sheets. He moved his hand over the empty spot in front of him.

“Kept the bed warm for you just like you asked,” Phil said.

“Should I bother to get dressed,” Melinda asked placing the towel she used to wash her hair on the side, “or should I just stay naked.”

“I only kept my clothes off because I am a bit exhausted,” Phil responded with a sincere grin, “I mean as we established I am a bit too sore to do anything but if you are more comfortable with us getting dressed I’ll put on a t-shirt and a pair of boxers.”

Melinda simply let her towel fall to the floor. Phil smirked and shook his head. She was never exactly good with wifely skills or with neatness. But while it drove other exes crazy, Phil found it to be rather attractive. She walked onto over to the bed. She looked someone in a dream. Her golden skin glowing in the pale moonlight, her dark eyes looking extra light, her dark hair covering her breasts. 

This is going to be the only thing that will haunt me about Kolya’s torture. He mused, the fact I didn’t get to make love to her after gazing at this beautiful site.

Melinda sighed deeply as she pulled the covers. She began to settle into bed next to him. She went to prop up against her side but Phil wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close.

“Hey,” Phil said resting his nose against hers.

“Hey yourself,” Melinda teased.

It was almost torture feeling their bodies against each other. Her hardened nipples of her small yet perfectly round breasts brushed the skin of his chest, his hardness brushed against her leg.   
His sore muscles were the only thing keeping restraint. His fingers began moving up and down her spine. They started between the shoulder blades causing her to twitch in delight before moving down to the the crease of ass, before beginning to move up her back.

“Phil,” She said breathlessly at the feather light touches.

“Sorry,” Phil said his hand rested on her hip. His thumb moved in small circles on her hip bone. “When was the last time you were held like this. Years?”

“Surprisingly not that long ago,” Melinda said looking down. She grabbed his hand and held it tight. Her other hand ran through his hair, “Right before you died…..I started seeing Andrew again...he was helping me through Bahrain.”

“I am surprised he even thought about taking,” Phil said. He was surprisingly very calm about this. Then again Phil was the type of man who would feel happiness for the person he loved even if it wasn’t him and never feign any sort of jealousy. “Andrew is a caring man but he was always pretty stubborn.”

Melinda shrugged.

“There was a time he did love me,” She said. Her fingers moved to run through his hair, “but he at the same time always knew he was going to be second to you. He felt more so when you died. I was more focused on mourning you. So we broke up again. It didn’t take him long to get over me. While his daughter Lourdes was studying abroad in London, Andrew went to visit her, met a nice doctor from South Korea, an expert geneticist, who was working with London. They fell in love they are engaged.”

Phil frowned. As messy of a situation as Melinda’s unplanned pregnancy with Skye was, Andrew and Phil still managed to remain somewhat civil. There were many times Andrew worked with Phil on index cases. With the chaos going on on Earth, he couldn’t help but worry about his and even Audrey’s safety.

“Well I hope the whole HYDRA takeover didn’t delay or their wedding,” He said.

Melinda shook her head.

“Got to contact him before we left,” She said, “Helen was introducing Andrew and Lourdes to her family when Pierce’s attack hit. Surprisingly with the threat of Kim Jong Un looming over next door South Korea was one of the places unaffected. Safe to say Andrew is living there for a while.”

“Better than dead,” Phil said nodding. With those words came a sudden realization, when he was a prisoner of Kolya….he almost died….again. Having been there before, the sensation of being dead of itself was surprisingly pleasant with warm lights and voices of his lost loved ones just as he pictured when learning about this in Hebrew School, it was the fact he was there and came back that haunted him. Looking back at it now...he got his second chance, he found Skye, he was with Melinda again. But…..he almost lost it all. 

“What’s wrong,” Melinda said. 

It was weird. Phil and Melinda had this strange form of nonverbal communication. Not the type that Fitz and Simmons had where they could read each other’s minds and finish each other’s sentences, but the type where they could sense something was wrong. They could read each other’s emotions even if they thought so hard to hide these non verbal cues from the people they tried to hide it from. 

“It just hit me..” Phil said closing his eyes, “I almost died again.” 

Melinda lifted her hand rested it against his cheek. Her thumb moved against his skin feeling the smooth stubble beneath it. Phil leaned against it, letting himself calm at her touch. He would open his eyes. But he wanted to savor it for what it was. A touch he yearned and missed. 

“But you are here,” Melinda said. Phil opened his eyes gazing into hers with security….the way she looked at him, especially when she eased his worries, he could look at them for hours. “You are alive. Kolya is locked away where he could never hurt you again….”

“You’re right….I am here…..I am with you” Phil said causing Melinda to smile, “Kolya Is he near Ward?” Phil asked. While he did believe Grant Ward was sincere when he admitted he was HYDRA and he wanted to break free from Garrett’s influence, having Kolya near him, someone vulnerable to be molded by dark influences, could bring him down a dark course. He cared about Ward in that regard, knowing there was still time to take that darkness and at least use it towards the people who deserved it. 

“No,” Melinda said. Her fingers went back to running through his hair. She was doing that thing he liked where she ran her nails against his scalp and started scratching. Phil sighed at that, “It took a lot of convincing but I got Doctor Weir to move him back to his room under heavy guard. The girl….Ward knew back at home said she would make sure he is not contacting Garrett.”

Phil raised an eyebrow.

“Is that wise?” He asked. 

“She’s a good girl Phil,” She said, “I trust her.” 

Phil sighed deeply closing his eyes. 

“I did it again didn’t I,” He groaned, “this was supposed to be about us reconnecting. But instead I made it about business...brought in your ex. Sorry I messed-”

Melinda brought her finger to his lips silencing him. Surprisingly even with the gag with rough fabric that was on his lips surprisingly his lips weren’t sore. She ran her finger over the perimeter of his lips. He pushed his lips into a hard line. He knew if he kissed it it would be suggestive. His sore body was a reminder as to why he couldn’t.

“You didn’t mess up,” Melinda said, “in fact…” There was a twinkle in her eye as she said that. Her eyes sparkling from the pale moonlight of the moon staying stationary in their place over the Atlantic ocean and the wonder of this moment. “Holding you…seeing the way you look at me. Between joining the team, finding Skye, finding purpose in S.H.I.E.L.D., and us….this is the most content I’ve been since Bahrain.”

And then she smiled. It wasn’t the forced smiles Phil saw so often to the outside world made Melinda look like she was okay but it was the one he often saw before everything had fallen apart with her. It was full, white teeth flashing, the type that could bring sunshine on a cloudy day. He felt warmth radiating in his stomach and his body and made his muscles relax in the sheets. 

“That smile I never thought I would see it again,” Phil said, his fingers laced in her own. Her thumb brushed the top of his hand. 

“It’s a new me,” Melinda said resting her cheek against his, “a one that combines what I was before Bahrain and what I was afterwards. To take away the woman I became after that is not healing. But combining the good and the bad of both….that is healing. I will smile more, be protective of the ones I love, be guarded, take all the happiness that comes to me. You think you can handle that.”

“Melinda,” Phil said. His hand moved from hers to touch reach both her cheeks. His fingers brushed against the sides of her cheeks. “I love you. And I will always love you. I will take you for your flaws, your strengths and your weaknesses. You were always there for me. And I will always be there for you because I know there is no man, evil terrorist organization, beast or Asgardian god that will ever stop what you mean to me.” 

And that was the last words either of them spoken for the night. As the hours passed and the waves of the ocean crashed against the walls of the city ship, they only kissed, only started, only hands moving every curve of their body. No words, just actions and love, just like it was in the old days. 

It was like they never drifted apart as lovers at all….

* * *

Elizabeth’s hands worked into the muscles of the bare skin of John’s back. Having a secret hobby of weight training and swimming, Elizabeth had this strength with her hands that any man of Atlantis would be surprised she possessed. It was why John often enjoyed her post rough mission massages. Her thumbs pressed into his back effectively removing any sort of knot he had in his back.

“Usually when you have dealings with Kolya I A) spend most of my time performing the aftercare regiment Carson ordered you to perform,” Elizabeth said as her hands moved up to his shoulders. John couldn’t help but sigh in relief. They were the most tense from all the strength, “or B) working out all the knots and muscle strains for whatever fight you got into or creative method of torture he used this week. It’s an early Hanukkah miracle he didn’t do that much damage this time and I don’t have to do all this work. At the same time I am dismayed that our traditional I take care of you after Kolya decides to meddle was cut short.”

John smirked a little, but still kept his eyes gazing at the wall ahead of him.

“John,” Elizabeth said sharply, “you aren’t focused what’s wrong.”

It was true he often used these moments focus and get lost in Elizabeth’s healing touch. But tonight, tonight it was different. He found himself staring into space. His mind spinning like a game spinning, moving in a thousand different directions waiting for it to land on its proper place. Things weren’t adding up.

He sighed. Might as well say what was on his mind before Elizabeth made him fess up on what he was thinking. 

“Kolya,” John said furrowing his brow, “true when he shows up in the beginning, I can never read him. But once he moves into action, I have an idea. But not this time. This time I have no fucking idea what he is thinking. What he wants…...what he needs. And the way Phil looked at him as we took him away. It was almost sympathetic….it just doesn’t add up.”

Elizabeth leaned forward and kissed John gently on the shoulder. He fluttered his eyes closed, before bowing his head. He was the type of man who didn’t want to look at anyone when he was lost in thought. 

“Kolya was the type of man who leads you on a wild goose chase when it comes to figuring out his intentions,” She said, “all that matters is that you are here and that you are safe and while he is locked up and will never hurt us again.”

“I still think I should talk to him ‘Lizabeth,” John said turning his head to her, “just ask him what Agent Coulson so riled up.”

“John let it go,” Elizabeth said with a soft smile, “and that’s an order.”

John leaned in to kiss her gently.

“You know I hate when you do that,” He said pulling back with a grin on his face. 

“You’ll thank for me for it later when I don’t find you unconscious in the prison ward,” Elizabeth whispered in his ear, “now will you let me finish my work. You are a bit tense.” 

“You are the boss,” John said turning his head to face the wall again. 

His brow furrowed as Elizabeth went back to work. A command wasn’t going to stop him from his answer. He was going to find a way to talk to Kolya, even if it hurt him in the process. When did he ever follow orders when it comes to these matters.

Besides she would forgive him. She always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:
> 
> John recuits Skye to investigation and comes to a decision he never thought he'd come to.


	16. some secrets are meant to be hidden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John tries figure out what Kolya is hiding. S

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this chapter done for a week and forgot to post it. Whoops Hope you enjoy it.

John waited till Elizabeth was asleep to tiptoe out of bed. He decided to avoid talking to Kolya directly at first. He knew the fallout from talking to him directly would be worse if he went on his own into the cells and talk to Kolya. So decided to find other means to find out what the rat bastard was hiding. In fact the advantage to the secret Melinda hid from him about having a daughter previously with Phil…..the daughter was an expert computer hacker.

Skye already proved her worth by hacking into ancient systems and government agencies alike. Hacking into the Genii computer system at least Kolya’s would a cake walk. If she would be discreet was the question. John made his way over to her room and knocked on the door. 

No answer.

He knocked again. 

“Hey Skye,” John said with a grin, “It’s Colonel Sheppard. I need to ask you something.” 

“She’s not there,” A heavy scottish accent said. 

The two science kids were standing in the doorway across the hall. Both of them were in their pjs. He knew the girls name by heart. Simmons, who stood in the doorway in her black tank top and PJ pants with TARDISES decorating it. Rodney spoke about her a lot with a smile on her face almost creepily. The boy, whose name often escaped him because when people called out to them they would call them out by one name, he stood in a white t-shirt and a various images of Star Wars characters.

“McSimmons,” John said with a small grin.

The smile the boy had on his face immediately faded as Simmons held her mouth trying to control her laughter. 

“It’s Fitzsimmons,” He said as if a great offense occurred to him, “Fitz,” He pointed at himself, “Simmons,” he then pointed at Simmons, “but if you want you can call us Leo and Jemma, we’ve been here for almost a month and you should know this.” 

“Not my fault everyone calls you Fitzsimmons,” John said folding his arms, “It’s kinda hard to discriminate who is who because of this. Anyway do you know where Skye is? Visiting her parents perhaps.”

“No Agent Coulson and Agent May asked for privacy,” Jemma said. John had to admit he respected how patient and polite she was while Leo on the other hand wanted to get back inside and back to bed. “which makes me happy because Fitz and I….we totally ship it.” 

“If you know what shipping means, anyway five bucks they are probably…” Leo said raising his hands. He put the index finger to his thumb on his left hand making a circle. He pointed his index finger straight on his right hand, and then in obscene gesture started quickly moving his right index finger through circle created by his left hand. “If you know what I mean.”

“FITZ!” Jemma scolded, “Colonel Sheppard is a high ranking military officer. Act appropriate.” 

“OKAY!” John said with his eyes widening. He didn’t mind the image of Melinda in his head. He was after all married to her once. But the thought of Phil naked…..yeah he wanted to get closer as a friend but that was a bit too close even for him. “Well if you are not going to tell me I am just going to find her in the morning.”

“Oh if it’s important you don’t have to wait that long,” Jemma said with a smile, “Rowan was a bit upset having his father here, understandably so because the man is….a bit psychotic. So Skye offered to stay with him tonight. It was sweet of her.”

“Thank you for your help Fitzsimmons,” John said with a smile.

“But be careful because you know….he looks a lot like that guy from Glee,” Leo added narrowing his eyes as a warning, “And Skye really loves that guy so they could be….”

He raised his hands to do that obscene gesture, but Jemma grabbed him by the collar. 

“OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD FITZ,” Jemma yelled as she pulled him into the room, “I apologize sincerely about him Colonel Sheppard….good night.”

* * *

The door shut quickly, but even so, John could hear their heavy accents echoing in the hallways. He couldn’t help but chuckle and shrug. He had to admit their fighting like an old married couple was kind of adorable. With an amused smirk he made his way over to Rowan’s room. 

John knew the route by heart. When Rowan came here in the beginning he was really shocked and really scared. He woke up a lot from nightmares of his father screaming to the point where he was inconsolable. So for the first couple of weeks John stayed in his room with him sleeping on the couch, ready to wake him up. It was the least he could do. Rowan despite the fact he got beaten for it tried to help him out during the Wraith Ordeal. Of course it ended with John having to deal with the equally as painful return of life by the wraith and carrying Rowan out.. But it was worth it. 

It was like they had some strange connection being terrorized by that asshole. They both knew what Kolya was capable of and how much damage he could do. Rowan’s was a few rooms and a few turns down the hallways. He raised his hand to knock on the door but it opened itself. Either Rowan wasn’t paying attention or the door just learned to open automatically when he came. 

Shrugging he walked into the room. Already his ears were burning with nauseatingly pop music mixed with nasally voices of broadway singers, and probably children who had yet to reach puberty. He could see the light from under the door. It was just as fucking nauseatingly bright. The kids were probably just watching a late night….whatever the fuck they were watching. He opened the door and stopped dead in his tracks.

It didn’t take long to pinpoint the two of them from the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed. Skye and Rowan were in their underwear sitting on the edge of bed. She was in his lap with her arms wrapped around his neck. Rowan had his large hands on her waist. Their lips crashed heavily as they breathed heavily.

“For the love of Johnny Cash,” John groaned. Well it seems the Lantean Moon is full tonight seems like everyone has lost their manners or gone nuts. He mentally added.

Skye shrieked and tumbled backwards off Rowan’s lab. Rowan awkwardly grabbed for a blanket and wrapped it around him. 

“C-colonel Sh-Sheppard,” He stuttered. Usually Rowan’s stutter would be much worse when he was nervous or pushed against the wall. But surprisingly it wasn’t. In fact it was even less violent than it usually was. “C-c-came to ch-check on me. I’m f-fine.”

“I could see that,” John said “Actually I came to see Skye….but seeing that you are,” He paused to wave his hand, “Netflix and chilling, I’ll see you in the morning.” 

John started to make his way out the door before anyone would could talk to him because this was admittedly a very awkward situation. But as soon as he excited the living room he felt a hand gently grab his forearm.

“What’s up,” Skye said. 

John couldn’t help but blink. Skye didn’t even bother to put on a t-shirt or at least a pair of pants. She stood in front of him with her arms folded in front of her. Just in her bra and underwear like it was no big fucking deal. Then again he wasn’t surprised. Melinda was no stranger for walking around freely either in the nude or in her undergarments. It must have been a genetic thing. 

Luckily this didn’t phase John one bit. His form of sexual attraction was rather odd. He did find people as he called aesthetically pleasing but really did not feel any sort of...need to rip the person’s clothing off unless there was some form of deep profound emotional feeling towards them. Elizabeth was one such person to hit that mark. Shaking off that thought and not even bothering to tell Skye to put her clothes on he focused on the task at hand.

“Yes I have a favor to ask you…..you can hack into any system right,” John asked folding his arms.

“Uh yeah…...when I was 18….my friend Matt who is a lawyer and I wanted to go see My Chemical Romance at Madison Square Garden,” Skye said with a proud grin, “But like all the tickets were sold out. So I hacked into MSG’S ticketmaster site and all of a sudden not only were there two available tickets….there were two vip passes as well. Gerard Way…..is so much dreamier in person...in fact-”

“Well you are certainly qualified,” John said he knew if he let her talk any further, which god she certainly got her talkative genes from Phil, he would be here all night. He wanted to get what he wanted out and back into bed as quickly as possible so Elizabeth didn’t know he snuck out and disobeyed her direct order not pester things any further. “With that said what I am going to ask you must be kept between us you think you could do that?”

“Well I am an hacker Colonel Sheppard,” She responded her lips turning into a small confident smile, “I know secrets about the government which will blow your mind. So I am guessing you need a hacking job?”

“Yup,” John said nodding his head, “There is something I think Kolya is hiding-”

“Wh-wh-what else is n-new,” Rowan interrupted standing in the doorway behind him. Unlike Skye he did somewhat to cover his indecency with the blanket he grabbed with John accidently interrupted them. “D-d-don’t w-worry I w-w-won’t t-tell anyone.”

John nodded his head. After all him and Rowan made a pact that some things that happened in that bunker the day Kolya fed him to the wraith would be kept between them. And so far a couple of months after the fact Rowan still kept to his word. This would be no different. 

“Yes I firmly believe Kolya is hiding something from us,” John said folding his arms gently over his chest, “So I Skye, need you to hack into Kolya’s system. We have wireless. You can do it from here.”

“You can count me in,” Skye said, “if there is someone who is good at uncovering web of lies…” She raised her fingers and began waving them before turning them on herself, “It’s me. It’s how I got into SHIELD in the first place. Obviously it’s late but I’ll get cracking tomorrow. “

“Thanks Skye,” John said making his way out the door. He stopped in his tracks before turning to face her again. “Oh and Skye.” The young computer expert hummed and raised and eyebrow. “Don’t tell your parents this is between us.”

And as Skye made a salute John made his way out the door.

* * *

It often surprised him how heavy of a sleeper Elizabeth was, especially after days of great stress. Today was trying day. He wondered how traumatizing it was for her to witness almost exactly what happened to John happen to a person who had just joined their expedition. She was strong, one of the strongest people he knew. But sometimes even the strongest people fell. 

Knowing that this time she was helpless into stopping it, where as the last time Elizabeth had held John’s fate in her hands, probably made the situation worse. John certainly felt helpless and he wasn’t bound and gagged to a chair this time. He sighed deeply. It was why he needed to know the answer.

Why was Phil so soft? What was his enemy was hiding? And was this an act to keep him alive? 

He yawned. Now was not the time to think about that. The day had taken a toll on his body and his mind. He knew he needed rest. John slowly tipped toed back into bed and slowly wrapped his arms around her. His chin resting on her shoulder.

He knew tonight he would be having nightmares, he always did when the stress was high. But at least if he woke up abruptly in the middle of the night her embrace wrapped around him he could at least endure it.

* * *

_Phil could feel it. The tight binds against his body. The gag tied tightly across his lips. They were all watching him. One side his teammates and friends, and his family in dismay...looking in horror at was about to happen. On the other side his enemies. They looked with glee and with delight at the sight of him suffering. Garrett was amongst the group, taking in his muffled cries like wine. In the darkness Kolya emerged. The Cattle prod in his hands, it’s violent blue lighting up the room._

_“Ready to die Agent Coulson,” Kolya’s voice had said._

_His eyes were closed. But when he heard Kolya’s voice he opened them abruptly. All of a sudden Kolya was gone. Instead Loki stood in front of him. His asgardian staff was lit up just as violent of a blue. Before Phil even had time to react the staff went through his chest ripping him apart._

Phil shot up in bed gasping for air. His chest, was on fire as was his stomach where the fucking cattle prod had hit him. It was so hard for him to breath without having his chest hurting and his heart pounding against his chest. 

“Phil….”

His hands violently brushed against his chest. Maybe he was checking for blood. The staff going through his heart once again felt so damn real, he could almost taste cooper in his mouth and feel warm liquid pouring down his chest. 

“PHIL!” It was Melinda’s voice. 

Melinda took his face in her hands. Phil was gasping for air. Just like Melinda he felt this need to pretend that he was this strong adonis, this powerful figure who rises from the dead and continued to fight even if the odds were stacked against him. He was the one who held up the team, who boosted the morale. If he shown weakness, the foundation and the spirit of the team would crumble.

It was a burden he hated. It was a burden he wished was placed upon someone else, someone who wasn’t damaged like he was. But someone had to take it, even if he hated it with such fire and vigor. Melinda had seen weakness in him before. She saw it within the first year of the Academy and she was there by his side at his mother’s funeral, when the realization that both his parents were gone had hit him so violently that he couldn’t bring himself to partake in the Jewish tradition in which he helped sprinkled dirt in the grave. She saw it when Centipede kidnapped him and the machine was used to mess with his head. And now she was seeing him, scared and terrified. 

God she was used to him seeing him so strong….what she must have thought of him now. It must have been something out of a horror movie.

“Phil….breathe,” Melinda said sternly running her fingers over his cheeks. “Follow me. Breath in,” She took a deep breath holding her breath for about three seconds. “Hold it and then breathe out could you do that?”

Phil had to trust her. Ever since Bahrain she did a lot of yoga and a lot of meditation. She often slipped away after a trying mission and do tai chi for about hours. She would start out tense like a rubberband waiting to snap but when she came back in….she was calm, like nothing happened. It was why she was often so calm even in high stress.

So he followed. He breathed in through, holding it for about five seconds on a mental count to five. Once he was finished he made another count to five. The muscles in his body which were tense and strung up from the horrible dream relaxed. And then breathed out. He repeated the process over and over again like a cycle until he was calm and serene.

“I am sorry about that,” Phil said calmly. His voice was a little sore but it may had been from his ordeal trying to scream for help, “especially if I woke you.”

A small comforting smile graced her lips. She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. 

“It’s okay Phil I understand,” Melinda whispered against his skin, “I get nightmares too.”

Phil sighed. Of course she did. The set of vivid dreams she must had after the events of Bahrain must have been frightening. He wondered how many nights she saw the blood. The little girl dead on the floor. The haunting sights that caused her to scream out in terror. Something he couldn’t even imagine if he was in her shoes.

“What did you do when you got nightmares? He asked. 

“I would close my eyes,” Melinda responded with a small hum, her fingers moved to his chest. They gently touched his scar causing his lids to be heavy and flutter shut. She rested it on his heart which was beating a mile per minute in either anxiety or adrenaline “Breathe, tell myself it wasn’t real. Then hug something, usually a pillow.”

“Well,” Phil said with a small smile, at least I have something to hug, “You mind?”

Melinda kissed him on the forehead. Phil’s small grin slowly became wider. God if only he found her sooner. When nightmares of T.A.H.I.T.I. plagued his mind there would have been no way in heaven or in hell she would have let him dwell on it the way she did. He was grateful they had reunited at the time they did. 

“We are already cuddling….naked,” She said with a small chuckle, her arms opened wide almost welcoming him. 

Phil slowly settled in her arms. He rested his head between her breasts. He closed his eyes and listened to her breathing and heartbeat. Both were soft and steady, like music to a lullaby. His body relaxed. His muscles released their tension. He reveled in the feel of her hands through his hair through his body. The sounds she made. And he let it drift him off to sleep.

* * *

“I d-d-don’t know what C-c-colonel Sh-Sheppard would w-want y-you to f-find,” Rowan looked over Skye furiously working her way over her computer. He had to admit he was impressed he knew this well, the Genii computer system was made so people like Skye couldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole. The young woman cracked it in five minutes. “my f-father kn-knows h-how to mani-p-pluate people esp-especially when his th-th-thrown ag-against the w-wall.”

Rowan remembered once his father had a bunch of arrows pointed at him by a civilliation who was decimated by the wraith. They were poor, they were starving, they hunger and desperation had made them fall into a fit of rage. So he made up a story about how a wraith culling took his parents. That he lived on the streets living a squalor of a existence, hunting whatever was alive and looked edible. 

None of that was true. The Kolya’s were a prominent family amongst the Genii, going back for many generations. Each of them made their marks on society in a big way. Some concured hoards of planets. Some lead great armies to defeat his enimies. Some married royalty in civilizations touched by the wraith. In fact Rowan’s 24th Great grandfather Canatellia Kolya was one of the founders of the Genii federation. 

Acastus Kolya lived in a big house, in luxury, wore nice clothes, had the best training. If there was anything the man was starving for it was for greatness and maybe attention. Something, though Rowan lived in that big house which the Kolya family had owned for generations was starving for as well. Rowan would spend hours in the library when he wasn’t training and when he tried to tell his father the knowledge he learned Acastus would laugh and say that will not help me win a war. 

Rowan sighed and looked away thinking about growing up. Sometimes he wished he was one of the poorer people. The men and women who just did the farming and kept the cover. They were probably loved and adored, after all, they didn’t have the power to get to their heads. He envied them. Then again those people were usually the first one’s to be taken by the wraith or be a casualty in the war.

Rowan felt a small hand rest on his knee. He turned his head to Skye was smiling.

“Well I found your psycho daddy’s file but it’s password encrypted,” She said leaning towards him, “I tried breaking it with some codes but failed. I didn’t want to take the risk of it being you know one of those files that erased everything if you attempted to break into it so I am running my what I call my….Mastermind program. It comes up with a couple of combos without actually hacking into the system. In case you are wondering where I got my name, it was my favorite board game growing up. It got me into Hacking.”

“C-c-cool y-y-y-you s-s-s-should t-t-t-teach m-y-mess-some t-t-time” Rowan said with a small smile on his face. His voice was slipping into his more violent form of his stutter. It meant either he was really nervous or he was really sad. Maybe a little of both. Maybe nervous that his father was here on the base waiting to attack him at any nervous. Maybe sad because he was thinking of his sad and pathetic homelife. 

“What’s wrong?” Skye said. Her hand gently slipped his leg and crawled up his arm. It settled on his shoulder and squeezed it tightly in comfort.

Rowan never had girls fawn over him before. It was so hard for his father to find him a betrothal. Nobody wanted him, an awkward boy who liked to read books. He had darker looks instead of lighter features of his fellow men. He could fight and could do sport but he had nothing compensate for it. He was tall and skinny with long limbs. His father finally secured a betrothal with one of the poorer and lesser known families but fate intervened and she had died in a wraith culling.

But Skye she was different. Sure maybe the reason she looked at him in the first place was because he looked like some celebrity she fancied on earth, which come to think about it, she had a point, but as she got to know him more she proved to love him for different reasons. 

What reasons? Rowan had delayed development syndrome. He was told by people he would probably be the first person to be taken by the wraith if there was ever a culling despite he was able to fight. He was often quieted by his elders because no one understood when he spoke even though his brain absorbed all knowledge. And the scars….scars from rough training and some beatings from his father mared his torso. It was often covered by a shirt so no one saw them. The last name Kolya didn’t exactly get friendly reactions from allies. 

And the worst was the blood on his hands. He was 14 when his father finally let him into his interrogations. He wanted him to get out of the lab with his “scientist friends” and do something more useful. Torture his father said would get him anything he wanted. Rowan hated the idea. No innocent man had to suffer and there was probably a more peaceful way to get it. 

But there was no running from it. The first prisoner he tortured was around his age. Maybe about two years older. He was tied to a chair bloodied and crying begging for Rowan’s father to let him go. The bastard only laughed and handed Rowan and knife, telling him to stop his weeping. Rowan shook his said saying he refused….trying to definitely say it was not right. And he tried to refuse. But…..the ruthless commander roughly grabbed Rowan’s hand and pulled it towards the weeping prisoner so he had no choice but to accept. That night Rowan found himself bent over as the hollow wooden road he used for punishment slamming into his bare skin as Rowan screamed out in pain. 

But it didn’t stop him from trying to refuse to be a part of the torture. Three more times Rowan found himself in that dungeon with a different prisoner. Their begging haunted his dreams. Each time Rowan tried to refuse. But once again his father would grab his hand and make him torture the prisoner and then followed by the rod slamming into his skin. 

Eventually he caved. He no longer wanted to feel the searing pain of the discipline rod hitting on his already bruised skin. So the next time his father called him down he took his father’s knife with no ounce of hesitation and sliced it on the helpless prisoners skin. He washed his hands of the blood crying knowing that he did such a terrible thing. 

All of this….all of his misdeeds, his scars, his terrible father, made him believe that Skye was going to run the moment she entered his world. It was why Rowan was so scared to let her into his world. Then again….they did a lot of talking, she had seen the damage that his father could do. She has saw his scars, and still looked at him as if he was the most magnificent thing she set his eyes upon, even running her fingers over the scars.

Rowan sighed. Maybe he lived a life of being let down. Being told he was worthless. Being hurt by everyone he was supposed to trust amongst his people. That he was denying himself this happiness. Someone was loving him for him, against his flaws and his horrible and fucked up family. He would take it. 

Besides, he had been to many worlds. He had seen many beautiful women in all shapes and sizes. But no one as beautiful in heart and appearance as Skye. It was almost fitting her name was Skye. She was beautiful as Nebulas, suns and 1000 stars.

“Earth to Rowan,” Skye said elbowing him in the arm.

“S-s-sorry,” Rowan said turning his head to her and smiling. His eyes moved to the computer watching numbers blink on the screen, “I w-w-was th-thinking.”

“About your father,” She said giving him a sympathetic look. Her long fingers moved up and down his arm in small and comforting circles, “scared he is going to come after you? Trust me if my father was a psychopath and locked up in a cell near me I’d pretty scared he would come after me too.” 

“I d-d-don’t tr-trust h-him,” Rowan said. “I m-mean w-what if h-h-he’s h-h-here t-t-to t-take ov-over Atlantis.”

“I don’t think you should worry about that Rowan,” Skye said with a small grin, “Between Colonel Sheppard and my mom I don’t think you dad will last a minute without getting his ass seriously kicked or killed….Nah my mom is the type to make people suffer rather than actually killing them. So he will be in this world pain.”

He couldn’t help but smile when Skye laughed. It was loud, the loudest he heard but it was loud and it was full of life. Something that filled him up with joy even on these rather darker days. Suddenly there was a small beeping sound. Skye huffed deeply and groaned. 

“Shit,” She said rubbing her temples. 

“Wh-wh-what’s wr-wr-wrong?” Rowan asked raising an eyebrow.

“The algorithm didn’t work,” Skye groaned, “I guess alien computers are pretty much different from Earth computers. Sure I am able to get into system not encrypted files. I wasn’t going to ask this because I feared a mess up would cause the files to be erased but I guess this is my only option. Do you know what password your father would possibly have?”

Rowan nodded. His father may have been a good soldier but he wasn’t good at remembering things that did not have to do with war. So if he had a password to get into this encrypted file it had to be something he could easily remember….something that had more meaning to him. Rowan swallowed. More meaning to his father that Rowan would ever be. His fingers were shaking as he typed in the letters and pressed the enter key. 

Immediately a bunch of new files appeared to life on the Screen. Skye with a cheeky grin turned her head to Rowan. 

“I knew I loved you for a reason,” Skye said her eyes skimming on the computer screen in front of her. She snarled. “Of course your father has some sort of stalkerish file on Atlantis.”

Skye moved her cursor to click the Atlantis file but Rowan, put his hand on hers.

“W-wait,” Rowan said, “cl-click th-this one.”

Guiding her hand he lead her cursor to a file that said ‘Harlie’. Skye tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. Probably curious as to why he was so interested instead of some super uber secret plans involving the city of Atlantis. When the file opened it was a series of video files. 

“What is this?” Skye said.

Skye moved the cursor to one of the files and the moment it clicked open she gasped her hands moving over her mouth. It was a young man around their age bound on a stone floor being beaten by Genii. Ladon was standing in the corner looking on in glee. Rowan leaned his head in and narrowed his eyes trying to get a good view of who was being beaten. But the moment he finally made out who it was he felt his stomach painfully tying in knots.

“Rowan,” Skye said blinking. 

Rowan didn’t answer he ran into the nearest bathroom, bile was creeping violently up his throat. Finding the toilet he fell to his knees in front of it. His hands grabbed onto the porcelain as if he was holding on for dear life. Violently he threw up. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes. His body shaking at each violent heave. 

Suddenly he felt a warm hand touch his back. He jumped thinking it was someone attacking him, an impulse wired into him like a program, but when it moved in small comforting circles Rowan relaxed. It was Skye coming to comfort him. He could tell her to leave, let him deal with this on his own. But this was unfortunately something so shocking to the system he needed actually needed human comfort.

He let himself heave out the sickness that came from the shock of what he just saw on the screen. He took a deep breath and leaned against the large silver tub. He was trying to regulate his breathing as Skye reached over to flush whatever of his stomach contents left his body down the dream before it stunk up the room. She rested her hands on his shoulders squeezing them type.

“You know him?” Skye simply asked. 

Rowan nodded his head swallowing. Usually something like this would make him cry out in terror and pain. He wanted to cry out. He wanted to punch something. But he was in such a state of shock he didn’t even have the strength to cry. He was just numb. He just raised his head to look at Skye.

“I-I-I h-h-h-have t-t-two s-s-s-siblings,” Rowan said. He breathed sharply through his nose. “B-b-both of th-them w-w-were k-k-kind to me. D-d-despite one of th-th-them w-was f-f-favored more than m-m-e. My s-s-is-t-t-ter K-k-kelle and m-m-my br-br-brother H-H-Har-l-lie. K-K-Kelle w-w-was so fr-fr-frightened by wh-wh-what m-m-my f-f-father b-b-became she r-r-ran aw-w-way fr-from h-h-home and j-j-joined tr-tr-travelers….f-f-father th-th-thinks sh-he’s d-d-dead. And Harlie w-w-was f-f-favored so h-h-he st-stayed behind.”

“Harlie is the man in the video isn’t he,” Skye asked. Rowan nodded once again. She only wrapped her arms around him. She knew a hug would at least be a some comfort which it was. Rowan felt some tremors leaving from his body. “We have to tell Colonel Sheppard about this….”

Rowan closed his eyes at that. This was his father’s endgame. It wasn’t to torture Colonel Sheppard with Wraiths or what he had stored in that fucking basement. It was to torture him in a completely different way. To have Colonel Sheppard drop all his woes towards his mortal enemy, and save a life….or have his stubbornness let a young man die. It was a cruel and clever way to inflict torture, especially since John Sheppard had always been the type of man to put others before himself. 

“N-n-no,” Rowan said turn his head away, “I l-l-love Har-r-rlie he a-a-always r-r-risked l-l-losing his sp-sp-spot as the f-f-favorite to m-m-make s-s-sure I w-w-was ok-k-kay. B-b-but th-this is wh-what m-m-my f-f-father w-w-wants. To p-p-put Colonel Sh-Sheppard in th-this p-p-position.” 

“So you would let your brother die because you hate your father that much,” Skye said. The kind eyes he was so used to, occasionally interchanging between fear and or some form of shock. But this time they were something different. They were disgust. He hated it. 

“Sk-Sk-Skye n-n-no,” Rowan said shaking his head, “I w-w-want t-t-to s-s-save H-H-harlie but there h-h-has to be s-s-some o-th-th-ther way.” 

The face shifted from disgust to concern. At least she knew that he wanted to try to save him but by avoiding his father at all costs. Her hand moved to squeeze his tightly out of comfort. 

“Look Rowan I know these things,” Skye said, “if this hostage thing was sent to your father, and we go in alone. I bet your pretty ass your brother is dead. Maybe at least if your father’s enemy knows that he is there your Brother has a fighting shot. Which is why we need to tell Colonel Sheppard. He can protect you at all costs. And know your father’s endgame so could keep him on track.”

Rowan swallowed and took in Skye’s words. One of the things with his mind sometimes it was hard to process things. His mind moved in a thousand different directions like a pointer of a compass. He didn’t know where it was going to exactly land if it did land at all. Work with his father after everything he had done to him he doubted it was possible. Rowan took a deep breath and looked over at Skye trying to find an answer.

He couldn’t find an answer alone. 

“My mother and Colonel Sheppard obviously were once married,” Skye said with a small smile, “and she was rather uncomfortable working with him again after the nasty divorce they apparently had. But he said something that was very wise. That if you truly love someone or truly want to protect the people they care about…..they must do things that make you uncomfortable. “

“Y-y-your f-f-father is a w-wise m-m-man,” Rowan said, “b-b-but y-y-you are r-r-right…..if I h-h-have to s-s-save my brother I m-m-must w-w-work with the d-d-devil. B-b-but in the m-m-morning I-I-I need to c-c-collect m-m-my thoughts.”

Skye only smiled and kissed him.

“Understandable,” Skye said, “but remember I’ll be with you all the way….” 

And it was why he loved her. She was so supportive of him, something he long craved and was glad to finally have.

* * *

"Agent Coulson," Elizabeth said as she rested the file on the table, "because you were in a situation where you were abducted I must file an incident report. All your answers will be recorded and will be used on a later date if you need it do you understand."

Phil took a deep breath. When it came to traumatizing situations, telling his superiors about the events of what happened was something he hated doing. He remember how he sat there when he was talking about what had happened with Loki. It was so hard it was hard to breathen when he even tried to talk about it. But this time....he had someone to help him as he talked about this traumatic situation. 

Melinda sat next to him with a small comforting smile on her face. She was there for him to moral support and to use some affectionate gesture if there was some part he really couldn't talk about. 

It was such a godsend.

"I do understand Doctor Weir," Phil said.

As much as he hated it, he knew it would be no different from telling Nick Fury and his superiors of Shield about what had happened when the stupid Asgardian staff went through his fucking Heart. 

"Alright then," Elizabeth said with a small smile, "she turned to John who sat at the end of the table quietly listening in as he was told. He only nodded and folded his arms. "On May 15th 2015, at approximately 4:00 o'clock local time you were abducted by rouge Genii Commander Acastus Kolya. Would you like to speak about the circumstances of your abduction.

Phil took a deep breath.

"John Sheppard and I were walking together on the planet during the attack," Phil began. "We were talking and next thing we knew a few Genii Soldiers had ambushed us. John was knocked unconscious during the process." John frowned and looked down to the silver surface of the table in front of him. Melinda said that John was the type of man to easily feel guilty when something horrible had happened and someone got hurt under his watch. This was no exception. If Phil had the chance he would get himself abducted for John's sake and safety once again. "I knew what Commander Kolya was capable of, especially with his hatred towards Colonel Sheppard. So I took John, hid him in the nearest shelter and let Kolya take me instead."

Curiously Elizabeth moved her hand towards the recorder and clicked it off for a moment before turning her head towards Phil. 

"I hope you don't mind I would like to personally thank you for doing such a brave thing Agent Coulson," Elizabeth said with a small smile before lifting her head towards John, "I am so used to dealing with being worried that John would be hurt or not come home that I am glad you went the extra mile."

Phil looked over to John who was still looking rather subdued from knowing that it should have been him that was taken and not Phil. He slowly moved his hand stretching it that few feet across the table and resting it on John's arm. 

"Hey," Phil said, "anything for a friend."

John finally made eye contact. Phil guessed that him saying that he wanted to protect him, while it didn't take away his guilt completely it did however make him feel a little bit more at ease about what had happened.

"With that said," Elizabeth said nodding her head, she moved her head and touched the recorder springing it to life, must had been to be more professional considering she and John were together letting Phil talk again. "Back to the interview, now as he was transporting you to the planet where you would be held?"

"No Ma'am," Phil said. He could see Melinda shifting her eyes to a seriously look, because they were friends but he learned always to be proper when talking to superiors. It was why people thought he was such a kiss up to Director Fury. "I mean I tried to make a conversation. I mean I was tied up, blindfolded a little scared because I didn't exactly like being Blindfolded, but back on topic. The silence was annoying me, so I talked made a few jokes. The Genii are not really good conversation partners."

"That I could agree with," John said the small smile on his face slowly widening, "I remember I tried to make some joke about stopping for Pizza. They only pushed me further through the gate."  
Melinda rolled her eyes.

"John focus," Elizabeth said like a teacher telling her student to pay attention in class. John only went to his pensive position before making a small wink at Phil.

He had to admit....getting reconnected with John after years of fighting with each other was quite a nice caveat to this whole thing with Kolya. When it came to Melinda's exes, John and Phil were probably on the worst terms considering he was doing everything to dodge Bahrain as cause of the marriage's destruction. But he guessed they now shard Kolya being a torturous scumbag and the fact Phil rescuing him, they were able to move on and heal. 

"Alright what happened after he brought you through the gate....what happened next?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well Kolya's men brought me into a room with a solitary chair in the middle," Phil said with a sigh. She was probably going to make him go as detailed as possible. Even though the quote unquote boring parts. "Kolya wasn't in the room at the time. But they were more like setting everything up the camera, dialing the gate. I obviously didn't know what he wanted. I wanted to ask him but by the time he came in the bastards had put the gag on me."

Elizabeth nodded.

"We will obviously skip the part with the torture," She said looking around the room, "we all knew what happened there." 

Melinda bowed her head for a moment. If there was one thing he was grateful for was that, the video feed wasn't a two way feed like it was on facetime. He dodged seeing Melinda's face. The two times in his life he watched her suffer and her face twisted into horrible agony was still etched in his mind. The first time was during Bahrain. She looked like she saw a ghost. She was listless scared as she stared off into space cradling the body of the dead Katya Belakov.

The second time was when Loki killed him. He remembered the moment vividly. He was in pain lying on the floor in agony when Melinda had found him. He remembered saying please god don't let her see this. He didn't want this image of him bleeding on the floor to be her last. She knew this finale horrible memory of him would haunt her dreams and give her horrible nightmares. But there was nothing he could do. Melinda ran in. Screaming his name.

He tried to tell her to go. But she lifted him off the floor. He was feeling cold as the last of his life was fading away...but he could feel her warm hands touching him telling him he was going to be okay. He had to accept it. He knew no matter how hard he tried, even if Melinda was covered in his blood she was not leaving his side any time soon. So he accepted it. He let her rock him back and forth and kiss him trying to see if she could breath one last bit of life into him before he faded away. 

He was going to tell her that he loved her in those crucial few seconds but he knew it would haunt her for the rest of her life that he used this last moment to tell her, that he loved him and he always did. But then Fury came in with his men and the medics. He tried to lift Melinda off him but she made this cry as if she was being skinned alive. It was absolutely horrible. The Doctors held her back but she tried to claw his way back. 

As he used these last moments to tell Fury this needed to happen to motivate the Avengers his eyes set on Melinda. To know that this would have been the last thing that he would have ever seen had Nick Fury not revived him when he did haunted him to the core. He hoped he would never have to see such a thing again. But he shook it off. Phil reached for Melinda's hand and grabbed it tight. 

"You mind," Phil asked raising an eyebrow.

"John often did the same thing when he was doing his incident reports," Elizabeth said with a small comforting smile on her face, "I'll allow it."

Melinda looked over to him and smiled. It took away any image he may have had at her during the torture, though he had heard her voice. 

"Thank you," Phil said squeezing Melinda's hand, "You can ask your next question." 

Elizabeth nodded. 

"My next question is did you have a chance to speak with Kolya in between the video and at the time of our rescue," She said. 

Phil bit his lip. He was lucky Kolya didn't take this moment with the two of them alone to torture him with his hands and fists. But it didn't mean the conversation between the two men didn't plague his conscious. What Kolya had told him about his son being held by Ladon Radim, the way he looked when he was in pain. Should Phil tell them what he said and the boy being held by both HYDRA and Radim's men? Or should he break his principles and keep it quiet.

He only bit his lip. His hand that wasn't linked with Melinda's curled into a fist. He only hoped they wouldn't have to go into detail when it came to what had happened.

"Yes," Phil said swallowing a little, "Yes he did."

Melinda already turned her head raising an eyebrow. She was already questioning what had happened and what Kolya had told him. Sometimes he hated how concerned she was for his wellbeing after these sort of things. Even if he lied and dodged it, she knew he was going to question him about it later.

"What did you talk about?" Elizabeth asked. She was reading him too like a book. She looked like the type of women who was a human lie detector.

"He asked me about Melinda," Phil said looking at Melinda for a moment before turning back to Elizabeth. "My personal life. He was saying things like Melinda was very pretty and I was lucky." He scrunched his face in disgust. He had to admit if he wasn't tied to that chair he definitely would have punched Kolya in the face for speaking about, Melinda a woman who was more than just a prettyface in such a vulgar way. "I then asked him why he was asking to align with you after...he wasn't exactly friendly with you and last week wanted to kill Colonel Sheppard."

John's eyes narrowed. Now not only was Elizabeth was trying to get a read on what he was hiding, but John was too. Phil took a deep breath through his lungs. He decided then he would do his best to hide what he and Kolya were talking about. It would hurt to know he was probably going to be the cause of someone's death but it was better than making John uncomfortable or worse put his life at risk if he told the truth.

"What did he say," Elizabeth turned her eyes to John, as if they already had sensed Coulson's dilemma and discussed it already. But the non verbal communication was clear considering it was a skill both he and Melinda had learned when they were young kids in the Academy. 

"Well he was rather quiet," Phil said his voice cracking, "I mean I tried to hint trying to find his endgame. But....he didn't say anything."

Elizabeth hummed.

"Agent Coulson," She said, "are you sure? You look tense."

"I'm...." He couldn't answer.

'How could I tell them that he actually wants to align with them for a personal reason?' He thought to himself blinking. 'maybe fake sick have a fake panic attack.....' that was it.....

Phil was a good actor. He took a sharp breath through his lungs and rested his hand on his heart. 

"I can't breathe," He said with a fake sharp wheeze, "I need some air."

Elizabeth's face shifted to that of shock and concerned. At least this time she didn't think it was some action to dodge her questions and thought it was genuine panic and symptom of PTSD. Oh the perks of trying to be secretive to a person with a genuine empathy complex.

"I'll take him out," Melinda said. 

Phil shook his head as Melinda brought him to his feet and led him out of the room. He remembered how John told him the reason he loved Elizabeth so much was that she read him better than anyone else on the expedition did. Melinda was his Elizabeth. He knew around her the lie wouldn't go over his head. As she led him to someplace private he knew had to brace himself to tell her the truth.

* * *

Melinda led him out to an area which was some space version of city docks. Phil despite he knew that the he could no longer keep up this act any longer, he still tried his best to tell her he was not faking it. 

"Phil cut the crap," She said taking her hands off him and folding her arms, "I've seen you had an actual panic attack before....this is you trying to pull off some acting."

Phil sighed. He knew there was no point to continue to make the effort. So he gently folded an arm older his chest and ran his hand over his bicep. 

"What are you hiding?" Melinda said. He could tell she was fighting between keeping her voice soft and in a lecture like tone and having some sympathy knowing what he had just went through at the hands of Commander Kolya.

Put on the spot, he had to tell the truth.

"The conversation between me and Commander Kolya," Phil had said he walked over to the edge of the dock and locked out into the horizon. There was nothing but vast sea and ocea. He had to admit it was something that was very beautiful. It was serene with now ugliness of industrial life blocking it. "He told me something. I don't exactly know how to process it or if I should say something. I know what he did to hurt Colonel Sheppard....to hurt his friends.....but what he told me could put them in a position that they would never want to go through." 

Melinda slowly walked beside him. She gently turned him to face him. She had returned that look she had the night before. The look of kindness and patience that told him she was here for no matter what. She took both of his hands in her own. 

"What did he tell you?" Melinda said squeezing them as a gesture of support.

"Well," Phil said looking down at his feet. "Commander Kolya said he didn't want to work with the Lanteans consider the woes John had put him through but he said he had to..."

"Why?" Melinda said raising an eyebrow.

He hesitated for a moment. Should he come up with some selfish reason instead of the true reason? The reason that made him feel some sympathy for a monster, a man who didn't deserve it? No he might as well own up and tell the truth just he did when facing the truth about TAHITI and how and why he was resurrected.

"He has a son.....who has been captured by Ladon," He answered quietly.

Melinda was quiet for a moment. Her hands were linked with his. But her eyes moved down to his feet. She was trying to process the information he had just told him. So a evil man had a soul...she was probably thinking. But then again he thought about a wise quote Fury had told the both of them.

There was no such thing as true good, and too evil. People had a little of both inside them. They were capable of doing things that could put others before themselves....and capable of things that are great harm towards others. Kolya was a true definition of that statement. Or at least that is what it seemed to be. 

"Are you sure he wasn't lying?" Melinda said making eye contact with him once again. "He could have done this to play the sympathy card with Atlantis and guilt them into working with them.

"Melinda," Phil said squeezing her hands gently, "one of the things Fury had taught me when he took me under his wing is how to tell someone was lying. Kolya's eyes were dark and terrible like a monster's when he was talking to me. But when mentioned about his son.....they shifted. They were something of pain. They were like yours when Ian Quinn shot Skye....even though we had yet to find out she was her daughter....but a man who looked like that......tells me that he wasn't lying."

"So if that was the case?" Melinda began. "Why would you hide something like this. You aren't the type of man to risk someone's life.”

“It’s different Melinda,” Phil said looking at her with soft eyes, “the reason why I was so willing to let myself get kidnapped was because before we were attacked John and I really connected. We bonded over the fact we faced things that that were deadly, things that were supposed to leave us in buried in graves. But the two of us came out alive. It was why when Kolya came again I knew he was going to get hurt. It’s the same thing.” 

“You feel telling John would be difficult because he would be in a position with working with the man who terrorized him or letting someone die,” Melinda said, “is this more for you or for him?”

Phil turned his head away for a moment. He could see some form of a space dolphin coming out of the ocean before going back into the ocean. If he wasn’t working, discussing….important decisions he would enjoy it’s magnificence and beauty. But there was more pressing matters at hand.

“Trust me Melinda,” Phil said with a small smirk before turning his head back towards her, “Considering the Asgardian Mussolini stabbed me in the heart, Kolya touching me with the cattle prod will be nothing compared to that. It was more for John than for me.”

“You are a selfless person when it comes to these things Phil there is nothing wrong with that,” Melinda said, “But as much as I hate the idea of working with the man who hurt you, who tortured you, made you suffer. A life is in danger and if working with the devil means saving this life then Phil….we should take it.” 

Phil sighed deeply and nodded.

“You are right Melinda,” He said squeezing her hands again, admittedly so while the two of them were talking about business like they so often do, this extra bit of affection to help them through this added something beautiful and extra to their work. Maybe a bit of calm when part of him was panicking, “if we hide this will go against everything we work for, everything we swore to do when we became SHIELD Agents. This is going to break what we built….”

“But it's better than nothing,” Melinda added. 

 

He squeezed her hands before gently letting go of one of them. At least having one of them cupped in his made what he was about to do a bit more bearable. 

“Okay then,” Phil said quietly, “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:
> 
> The group decides what to do with their nemisis....align with him or continue their rivalry.


End file.
